Well there has been a lot of news this week. Good news , bad news but it really depends on your point of view doesn’t it. One persons’s good news can be someone else’s  bad news.

The worst news of all was the plane crash into the Alps. No matter what you think our thoughts have to go out to the people who were killed in the most horrific circumstances, the relatives and friends. Including by the way the family of the co-pilot himself. It wasn’t their fault. But the fact is that their son was a mass murderer but had serious mental illness. Just tragic, it makes people think twice before flying. My daughter flies with her husband and baby daughter to Barcelona next week! And I tell her not to worry. Planes generally are very safe. (I hope)

So Richard 3rd was reburied this week 530 years after he died. People are saying he was a murderer and shouldn’t have a proper ceremony. How can you judge someone who lived so long ago by todays standards. That like having us judged in 500 years time. What nonsense!. Also Benedict Cumberbatch read a poem and gave a bit of a speech. Apparently he is a third cousin 16 times removed to Richard . That is so remote I reckon most of the UK population is related to him. In fact I suspect we are all third cousin 16 times removed to each other. So it’s nice to speak to my relations.

Some other non-news this week is the artist who stole a piece of stone 1 inch square from the highest mountain in England Scafell Pike to exhibit in London.. The head of Cumbria Tourism is saying it is an act of vandalism and he should return it forthwith. What an idiot. He should welcome the publicity. But here’s a revelation for you. I have taken bits of rock i have found lying around on the top of several mountains. Also I have a bit of Hadrian’s Wall in the garage somewhere. So if I do not blog next week you know what’s happened to me.

Did you know the closer a woman is to the equator the more likely she is to have a girl. I don’t however know if that refers to conception or birth,

Seahorses beat their fins almost as fast as hummingbirds beat their wing.

90% of people remember their first kiss more vividly than the first time they had sex. I concur with that. It was Jean C********s, behind the bike sheds, the kiss I mean.

Immigration is a very discussion point in this country going into our election. A large number of people believe it is far to high. It isn’t really surprising as this country is very xenophobic. There is still a fear of foreigners, they tend (they believe) they should speak english, eat proper food and shouldn’t get our jobs even though they are better qualified a lot of the time. It is likely given the chance they will vote to come out of Europe.

So the figures of asylum applications released this week are interesting. Germany (173,000), US (121000) Turkey (87000) Sweden (75000) Italy (63000) and then way down the list the UK with 31000. So not everybody wants to come , folks.                                                                        There will probably be more news next week I guess.  A poem, humorous, I hope attached   Contradictions


Well they don’t come around to often, the last one in the UK was 1999 and the next is 2026. so what happened? It was a 93% eclipse of the sun by the moon, well I think it was but it was CLOUDY. Thats what happens when you live in England and especially at the coast. Ok, I did catch a glimpse of it when the clouds broke momentarily but it is a bit diappointing when you have to wait another 11 years with no guarantees even then! Half an hour later the clouds disappeared and it was a beautiful sunny day. That’s life! But the consolation I suppose is that we got to see the Northern Lights this week. We have a observatory near us in Northumberland and the sights thro. their telescopes are fantastic. It is one of the darkest places in Europe and is only about 30 miles from where I live. there is no light pollution out their in the middle of a large forest.

How sad is that? It was Elton John’s mothers 90th birthday this week and her son for some reason couldn’t attend. So she invited a Elton John tribute band instead. You would have thought he would have made the effort to attend. Apparently they fell out some years ago.

We have had two pretty mild winters in a row and disaster is about to happen. We are about to be invaded by Spanish slugs which apparently grow up to 6 inches long. They eat dead mice and meat and devour huge amounts of garden plants. They can withstand up to 20 slug pellets. They must also be brilliant swimmers to reach the Uk from Spain.

We have had a budget this week and I will be £20 a year better off. Yippee! I don’t know why they bother having them. The meaning of the word budget is a balancing of the books. Thus if they give you something on one hand they have to take something away on the other side, If it was as simple as that why don’t they make the rich pay more taxes and the poor less. But at the moment it seems to me it is those conscientious people in the middle pay more than their share. The rich pay for advice to pay as little as possible (legally of course) and they poor can’t pay much. Large companies are the same, Amazon and Google make huge profits but pay very little tax as there head office is in the Caymen Islands or Luxembourg or some such tax haven. There is just not enough fairness about the payment of tax.

Did you know that snake charming is illegal in India. and that snakes of any kind are illegal in New Zealand?

Theodore Roosevelt had ginea pigs called Admiral Dewey, Bishop Doane, DrJohnson, Father o’Grady and Fighting Bob Evans, and a small bear called Jonathon Edwards. Jonathon Edwards was a helluva good triple jumper for a bear!!!!

Lastly funny things told to me on the beach this week. First a woman said ” have you noticed the best things in life make you fat, drunk or pregnant ” I was also given some advice ” if attacked by a mob of clowns go for the juggler”

Have a good week. Poetry this week rather sombre             ACCEPTANCE


It’s been an interesting week in the world. Mine has been fairly dull and uninspiring although one the stocks I have rocketed up 30% yesterday. Which is a bit of a windfall out of the blue. The takeover hasn’t been agreed yet so fingers crossed, My investments in the National Hunt Festival at Cheltenham have certainly not made me rich. Although I’m never going to become rich or poor as I’m much too cautious. I just enjoy the televised races a bit more when I have a small investment. I like the jumps much more than flat racing.

The only notable event on the beach this week was when my dog Bruce was being humped by another male Labrador, it’s owner stated it was an ex blind dog as a way of explanation. That must mean when it was on duty it was trained not to do that but now it was retired it was ok! I walked away somewhat bemused.

Ageism apparently is the reason BBC Radio 1 is not playing Madonna new record Living for Love.  Is it not just because it is crap, perhaps. I wonder if Madonna has ever heard of the expression “Mutton dressed as Lamb”. Why doesn’t she just act her age. She is just trying too hard. Age is only a number as I have mentioned before. It isn’t a controlling factor in what we do unless of course  we have some kind of physical handicap.  The fact is a lot of us are going to live into our 90’s and even 100’s. I mentioned last week we will soon be able to do head transplants it also came out last week, I think it was Newcastle University expect to be able to make blind people see , even if they haven’t got eyes!!!! in the next year or so. Also it will be possible to eradicate a lot of hereditary diseases by the use of a third egg at fertility stage. In other words 3 parents. So old age is going to become more common, but at what age does one become old I wonder?

A telephone company in England is being investigated as apparently it has a database of 90 million (more than the population of the UK)  phone numbers and makes 6 million cold calls a day. I don’t answer my land line or mobile if I don’t know who’s calling. If it a serious call they leave a message. Most don’t.

Did you know it’s illegal in Saudi Arabia for men to work in lingerie shops.

8 million years ago guinea pigs were the size of cows. I don’t think they were popular household pets then.

in 2007 police in Iran detained 14 squirrels suspected of spying. That’s nuts!

As I mentioned pets above,  the world’s most deadly spider was found in some bananas at a supermarket this week. It was the Brazilian Wandering spider. The down side is it’s venom can kill a man in less than an hour. But the upside is that a lesser bite can give a man an erection lasting 4 hours. I reckon once controlled properly they could become very popular pets.

I hope you noticed I haven’t mentioned politics once this week! Humorous poem (i hope) poem attached           MR. LION AND BABY CROW


I know I’ve said this before but time does appear to go quicker the older we get. Not true but it does seem that way. It is a week since last Friday (well it would be wouldn’t it). Has been extremely cold on beach this week but we are promised by the forecasters temperatures will rise next week. I don’t know about you but I do look at the short term and long term forecasts all the time. But then the next morning I get up, look out of the window and decide what i am going to wear , Wellies, waterproofs hat and gloves if bad but flip flops and tee shirt in the summer. It works out roughly six months of each. Weather forecasters struggle to get things right as (a) we are living on an island and (b) I live on the coast. They have a fair chance of getting an area right but local weather is almost impossible.

One of my heros died this week. Well the actor Leonard Nimoy died but he played old pointy ears Mr Spock in Startrek. Vulcans have very logical minds and have to tell the truth. Well there wouldn’t have been many Vulcan politicians would there! Did you know they had green blood?

As you probably know we have a general election soon and the politicians are now never off the television. The ones from the smaller parties who won’t get many seats promise the earth because they know they won’t have to do those things. The ones from the large parties try to outdo each with better promises. But what I would really like to know is when they are asked questions they never answer directly or they answer another question they haven’t been asked or they bend the truth or even lie!!!!! Does somone teach them how to do this or are they born with this skill? I am just waiting for the Truthfull party to arrive. Anyway we have have 2 months of lies and counter lies. Then they get into power and ignore the public for 5 years. My daughter , who is 30 has never voted. She knows she should but then asks me who she should vote for. I then tell her who I think is “least worst”

Enough of that i can feel my blood pressure rising.

An elephant call can be heard anywhere within 100 square miles. Not here they can’t we don’t have any zoos in this part of England.

Men with smaller testicles tend to be better fathers. I might agree with that if I knew what size was small and what size was big. They might use something like the measure they use to size hens eggs!

Did you know that Liverpudlians buy three times as many false eyelashes as the national average, and that’s just the women!

Gripe this week is about the two footballers caught spitting each other. One, Cisse played for my team Newcastle, And the other Evans of Manchester utd lied and said he didn’t do it. There are photos showing him do it. The truth is they are both disgusting human beings and one is also a liar. As a football fan I am ashamed!

I have attached a photo of my dog Bruce. I’ve told him he is overdressed for the beach but he won’t have it! Also attached humorous poem     GREY      

bruce 52