FIRST FRIDAY

Today is the first friday as an old man (but I only say that because officially I am now 70 and and old)

I had a wonderful birthday, lots of presents and best wishes and a big party at a lovely big house in the Lake District we hired for the weekend. i was touched by so many kind wishes. Yes , I may be old but my main present was a parachute jump in the near future. Always wanted to do one. Being 70 has been ok so far and I intend annoying a lot more people before I go. This is only the start of a new chapter in my life.

My tag of Beach Thoughts is not appropriate this week as my dog Bruce has hurt his back and is only allowed gentle exercise for a week. So no beach and no swimming this week. This week is Field Thoughts instead!

The weather this week has been a lot warmer officially shorts and short sleeves now the favoured attire. The rain , that wasn’t actually forecast , has been warmer. So summer belatedly has put in an appearance at last.

Sensational news. One of the women doing catering at Glastonbury, a member of the WI (Womens Institute) is tattooed. How bad is that. Shock, horror. So will they buy her scones and jam and think her tea?

More sensational news. Apparently the taxman doesnt answer his phone or if he does he makes you wait 30 minutes at least to speak to you and by the way we pay for the call to rectify their mistakes. I thought everybody knew they were totally incompetent.

Hero of the week. The 12 year old boy who saved his 2 year old sister from choking after she swallowed several coins. Step forward Ty Rees.

Did you know to kit yourself out as a real life Batman it would cost $ 300 million. No wonder there aren’t many around.

The major of the city of Batman in Turkey threatened to sue Warner Bros. for not asking permission to use the city’s name in the movies!!!

And Disney was sued by a biologist for defaming the character of hyenas in The Lion King. Thats strange there certainly wasn’t any hyenas in the cinema when I watched it. A school teacher has just got 8 years in prison for underage sex with schoolboys. The boys enjoyed it at the time but now think she was a pervert. She obviously did wrong but a giving her the same sentence as a murderer seems harsh to me.

What a surprise, apparently a lot of the railway upgrades which were announced before our general election are either not going ahead or will be delayed. HS2 from London to Birmingham and possibly Manchester and the Crossrail scheme in London will still go ahead but not the ones in the North of England making the Northern Powerhouse .

So to sum up, HS2 will cost £50 billion to make it 20 minutes quicker to get to Birmingham is still good value but linking the Northern Cities of Liverpool, Manchester, Bradford, Leeds, Sheffield and York isn’t. Notice the Tories weren’t bothered by Scotland or Newcastle (who most Southerners think is in Scotland because it is higher than the Roman Wall) And there isn’t a North- South divide?

Poem this week attached  BIASED

VERY EARLY FRIDAY OR EVEN THURSDAY

I,m early this week as tomorrow I,m going to the Lake District with about 50 family and friends to celebrate my 70th birthday which was yesterday. Dont panic being 70 doesnt feel any different, Yet. I,m committed to live a long longer as I havent finished annoying people. Also I intend going to a lot of my friend’s funerals before my own. I enjoy wakes! In fact I have promised myself the best is yet to come. Yesterday was nearly a normal day as dogs dont recognise birthdays, even significant ones. So woke up early by dog, walk in fields, breakfast,  read morning paper and then off to the beach. We have been having a lot of weather lately most of it cold. This area hasnt had a day over 20 degrees C. yet and it is the middle of June. As I jokingly said to another dog walker on the beach today, it is the longest day on saturday, then it starts to get darker then it is winter. Dont think he realised I was trying to be amusing!!!.Sarcastic or black or cynical humour only really works when you know the other person well. Thats why humour in texts , emails or even FB doesnt really work. Phone is better because you can judge the reaction of the other person better but the most effective is when the other person(s) is actually in front of you.

I digress, the rest of my birthday was good because it involved lots of drink and food in convivial company. The weekend with be similar but moreso.

Did you know one in 20 couples argue so much on their wedding night they fail to consummate their marriage.

Varieties of lettuce include Amish Deer Tongue, Drunken woman, Midnight Ruffles and Red Leprechaun. Never seen any of them in the supermarket!

It is cheaper to send Scottish cod to China to be filleted and sent back to Scotland than it is to fillet  the fish in Scotland.

I,m finding it very difficult to be British at the moment. The refugees fleeing various wars in the Asian countries and Africa are being rescued in the Mediterranean by various nationalities including us but then they are being dumped in Italy . Greece and Malta. We will not accept any of them. Our Home Secretary has said this week she wants the migrants to be forcibly sent back to Africa as a deterrent. So what happens to them then? They starve in camps there? What a disgusting state of affairs. This country used to be proud to support all asylum seekers . Not now. Just let Nigel Farage take over , come out of Europe and then bury our heads in the sand. This country is a disgrace!!!!!!

Poem this week is attached          BLUE

FINAL FRIDAY

This week has been a good week on the beach. Most days sunny but windy. Here on the Northumbrian coast we still have a bitter wind keeping the temperatures in the mid teens. This is June , next week longest day of the year. I have given up waiting for the weather to warm so I’m wearing shorts, short sleeves and flip flops anyway! Bruce my dog swims everyday but the water is so cold even when I only put my toes in.

Final Friday is because it is my final friday in my sixties, next week I ‘m 70. Do’t know how I managed to get this old but i have somehow. Does it mean I’m officially old?

I have booked a big house in the Lake district for next weekend for my birthday festivities.  We have also booked all the rooms in the local pub so about 50 of us will be having a picnic and playing games on the lawn at the back of the house. I suspect a lot of alcohol will be consumed. Your only 70 once !

A man in the US was released after being in solitary confinement for 43 years. He has always maintained his innocence, and passed a lie detector test saying he was innocent. HIs release is unconditional. Don’t know full facts but it seems inhuman to me.

Why do rich and famous people think they are above the law and can do anything they want in life. Kate Moss the model was escorted off a plane by police because of her disruptive behaviour. No arrest was made. This is after a year ago she turned up drunk at the same airport and tried to get on a plane without a ticket. Money certainly doesn’t buy morals.

The Duke of York thinks he could help the troubled FIFA. He enjoys football and is a pal of Sheikh Tamim bin Hamad , Qatars Emir. Bit late old chap , most of the bribes have already been handed out old chap!

My wonderful football team Newcastle United, who just survived relegation last year have sacked two of the coaches, Dumb and even Dumber, John Carver and Steve Stone, but don’t feel sorry for them as they have been rewarded for their incompetence with £1.5 severance  pay. Our new manager will no doubt see us into mid table mediocrity. The only people I know who get paid for their failures are football managers and coaches and bankers!

My heroine of the week is Sue Radford, a bakers wife who has 18 kids. But it was her and her husbands decision and so they don’t claim any extra benefits. Good for them. I suppose that would mean they have more than the bakers dozen!!!!!

Did you know the average London pigeon has 1.6 feet?

American tank crews have a superstition that will not allow them to eat apricots, allow apricots on board or even say the word “apricot”

Coyotes in the US have learnt how traffic lights work so they can cross the road safely.

Well thats the end of my sixties, see you in the seventies. Poem attached, bit of nonsense really    COLOUR-BLIND

FABULOUS FRIDAY

At last! Today is the 5th of June and it is the warmest day of the year so far. Frightening really when the longest day is in 2 weeks time. Forecast is good and hopefully this is the start of good spell of summer weather. Fingers crossed.

The UK and USA call themselves democracies. But so does Russia and China. Daily we criticise many countries for their stance on civil rights. But we trade with them because we need their products and services. We know the Arab countries, Russia and China and many African countries imprison people without trial and no doubt torture them too. But so do we!!!!! Shaker Aamer is a 38 year old British citizen who has been detained at Guantanamo Bay for 13 years without trial. He also claims he has been tortured by the US with MI5 in attendance. I don’t know if he has been tortured or he is guilty of any crime but why has he not been charged? If he was found guilty he should be in prison, if he is innocent he should be released. We in the West pretend we are whiter than white We aren’t!

It was the Eurovision Song Contest a fortnight ago. Most of the songs are rubbish but the voting at the end of it is really interesting. Sweden won this year with about 350 points. We got 5 and Germany got less than us. The reason is nobody in Europe likes the UK or Germany. The voting is virtually the same every year and shows which European countries like each other. It is a lesson in the politics of Europe and has nothing to do with music. And incidentally this year Australia were in it . EH!!!!!

So British MP’s are likely to vote themselves a 10% increase. One MP, a Tory is justifying this by saying if they are not paid enough they will just claim higher expenses. In a time of pay restraints and benefit cuts how can they award themselves such an increase.

This by the way is a expense system that has risen substantial since they were caught cheating claiming anything they felt like. When I worked we claimed expenses but HAD to submit a receipt to justify the claim. MP’s in the old system only needed to obtain a receipt when the expense was over £250. No wonder they all milked the system! What a set of greedy individuals they are.

Did you know Vikings who died in bed rather than in battle went to a special afterlife where it was always foggy.

The IKEA store on Calle Me Falta un Torlillo (I’ve Got a Screw Loose Street) in Valladolid, Spain, is hard to find because people keep stealing the street signs.

Cremation causes silicone breast implants to explode. Very embarrassing.

Finally a lesbian couple have complained to a school that they were banned from a “bring your dad to class day” Ok but could they both not have gone to the ” bring your mum to class day” instead. Thats that sorted then.

Poem attached. Hope you like SEASCAPISM