Here is the latest Seagull news. They have attacked an old lady this week and stole a sausage roll from a small boy. They have have previously killed two dogs and a tortoise. This is only in Cornwall but as the prime minister goes there for his hols something will have to be done. They cant kill them as they are a protected species. I would like to assure everyone that the seagulls on the Northumbrian coast are very friendly. They even fly upside down as to not drop poo on people. Thats reminds when my Grandfather was still alive( he died at 93) he found out that some religions believe you come back as an animal in a later life. So he said he would come back as a sea gull so he could shit on the people who shit on him when he was alive.

Madonna said this week ” I like to compare myself with with other kinds of artists like Picasso. He kept painting until the day he died” I hope Madonna is not singing and still wearing fish net tights at 91. Not a pretty sight.

Apparently the Queen has trouble with supplying matching cutlery for 170 table sittings for state banquets. I’m not surprised I have trouble with 6 settings.

In the papers this week it said women taking the pill are better at reading maps. Is that why so many over 40 women ask for directions? Only joking ladies.

Britains national debt is now £1.6million or £64,000 per household. But the Taxpayers Alliance say that when you take pensions and private finance into account it is really £320,000 per household. Well there is no chance of me paying my share off before I die! It is a bit worrying that those running the country can run up such a debt.

Did you know that $1,200,000,000,000 of US money is in circulation but nobody knows where 85% of it is.

Hugh Hefner has someone preselect his potato crisps so he doesnt have to eat broken ones.

Elizabeth1 always slept with another woman in her bed, she owned 3,000 dresses and the worlds first wire coat hanger and she invented gingerbread men. What a woman!!!!

Jeremy Corbyn is a very sincere politician and is thought to be ahead in the Labour party leadership contest.The only trouble is if he becomes leader they will never get into government as he is ultra left wing. Means what he says at least that is what his three wives say. Does anyone remember Michael Foot. Nice bloke too but equally unelectable. Unfortunately the other candidates arent much better.

AS far as the beach goes this week as been good weather and whisper it reasonably quiet. It is now the school holiday and will become tricky as there will be lots of picnics. As Bruce is a Labrador I,m sure you can imagine what it will be like. Actually it will be like walking thro minefields!!!

Todays poem is very sombre I,m afraid. here it is PEACE,PLEASE


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