BEFUDDLING FRIDAY

Yes today I have been seriously befuddled. Being a person of an elderly nature buying a new mobile phone is not easy. So the first logical move was I took my daughter. That is what todays children are for. To lead us less knowledgeable people though the maze of modern technology. She is trying to tell me I need all these different apps. to impve my life. I thought my life was Ok and used a phone for phonecalls and and texts and the occasional photo. But no I have been missing out, apparently. There are apps for everything under the sun and most of them are essential for my future wellbeing. I find the easiest way when your children get to a certain age is not to argue. Just accept what they say with good grace. I have been an argumentative person all my life but now I dont agree with everything but I most importantly dont disagree. You younger people will understand this in time. My daughter doesnt read my blogs or she certainly wouldnt agree with this!

I have decided there will now be a Geordie word of the week . The first word is Canny, meaning ok or nice. Nothing special or awful just averagely acceptable.

Is it me or how can it be right to show people being killed . It was headlines in the papers showing the murders frame by frame and on television. Im talking about the murders in Virginia. It was bad enough that it happened do there family and friends want to see their final moments that way. As I say it might just be me.

So after 92 years the BBc are not going to use the meteorological office any more for the weather. It has gone out to tender and either New Zealand or a Danish consortium will do the forecasts in future. They gave cheaper quotes. How does that work. Will they give similar forecasts or will get better weather because its coming from New Zealand. This is political correctness at its best (or worst)

It has been decided that the majority of people nominated for Lord (Lady)ships should vote Tory or give money to the party. They should not live in the North of England or Scotland and be non white. (2 out of 45 are non- white) The majority are people who lost their seats at the general elections (from all parties to be fair ) In other words a reward for failure.

When Columbus “discovered” the New World, there were at least 50 million living in the Americas. So those in the Old World then proceeded to kill as many as possible!

Did you know termites like the smell of biro ink. So if you are invaded by termites at home you have been warned.

Misspell is one of the most misspelled words in the English language. It actually doesnt look right somehow.

Poem this week is a food for thought poem          WHAT WAS I

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FUNDAMENTAALY FRIDAY

I have been thinking a lot recently if life after death exists. Not morbidly because t think death is in any imminent. My son died at 18 some 16 years ago now . I have always considered myself a agnostic because basically I only believe in what can be proven. I dont not believe in God, I have an open mind about His existence. But when my son died i did want to believe in life after death in order i might see my son again. I hoped I would be given a sign of some sort my son was somewhere else. Im afraid to say I have had nothing.  I havent given up . I will always keep an open mind. I do believe there is some moral force out there because the next fundamental question is who or what created the universe?

Some religions believe we come back in a different form. Another human being or perhaps an animal or a insect possibly? I just dont know about these things and probably will never find out until Im gone. But what I do wonder is where different religions worship different Gods do those Gods look after people from the other religions. I would like to think they would.

All I can say is we should respect our fellow man and treat them the way we would like to be treated no matter what colour , creed or religion.

Enough of that, but it is food for thought.

Scientists have discovered laughter is infectious. Are they having a laugh we all knew that!

So how many people do you know were on that adultery site Ashley Madison? Apparently all  their personal details have been hacked. Tough.

So Pistorious is not getting out of prison after serving 10 months of a 5 year sentence. You normally get life for murder.

And still a British citizen is held at Guantanamo Bay without charge. For 13 years!!!!!!!! You get less than that for murder dont you.

Humour is called for. According to my information dildos are illegal in Texas as are snakes in New Zealand. Wonder if there is any connection?

Did you know there are now more statues of lions in the world than there are real lions.

Did you know 5% of cats are allergic to humans and Napoleon, Mussolini and Hitler were all scared of cats. Why didnt we dress all our troops in cat costumes then.

Finally it was in the papers this week about the guy who hired a Ferrari for 5 days at £850 a day with a deposit of £5000. He wrote it off when he drove under a taxi into a garden wall. The car hire company werent pleased. It was worth £210,000.

Poem this week attached. hope you like it        BODY SLOWS, WISDOM GROWS.

NOT MY FAVOURITE FRIDAY

I will first of all make a confession. I really dont feel very well at all. I have a headache sore throat feel as if I have been in a fight as i ache all over.I also feel nauseous and have a pain in the stomach. Get the picture, I feel crap! Now these are symptons of flu but I’m most reluctant to say as Im a man. Yes you@ve guessed it, I,ve got man flu. To rub salt in the wound today the weather is appalling. Wall to wall rain. Now those with dogs, well some dogs, still want to go out for walks. My Bruce being a labrador is delighted when it rains as it gives him an opportunity to lose his yellow colouring and become a chocolate or black lab. So it takes ages to get ready in wellington boots, full waterproofs, go out in torrential rain for an hour and wash and dry said  dog when I return. Just what I need today. Have been out twice already today with another evening walk to come.

Ok thats enough of my grumbles. What has happened this week? Well the first thing that caught my eye was that some police forces will only come out to burglaries now if your house has an even number. Well thats fine by me as i am number 66! Sod all you oddies.

Did you see the two photos Mariah Carey of this week. One is for her new album and she looks stunning, then the other was as she really is. A middle aged overweight woman. Pathetic really.

Eric Clapton has fallen out with his daughter as she said he dressed like Kermit the frog. My daughter has said worse things than that about my dress sense. Its probably because Erics wife ,who happens to be over 30 years younger than him chooses his clothes now.

I see the Queen is building a new pigeon cree (loft) for her racing pigeons. Costing a fortune. I can just see her with them. Then I read the record fee for a racing pigeon is £260,000. Wow.

Have just read about a married couple in USA, he was 7ft. 11ins and she was 2ft 5ins. What? I dont know how they did either!

Did you know the word “Viagra” is a combination of virility and “Niagara” I’ll see the falls in a different light from now on!

Charles Darwins last book was called “The Formation of Vegetable Mould through the Action of Worms” Apparently it wasnt a bestseller

Its illegal in Iceland for parents to threaten children with fictional characters.

And did you know “meh” is the sound that Japanese sheep make. What the hell was wrong allowing them to say “baa”

And finally it only cost £3 for the privilege of voting for the leader of the opposition for the foreseeable future. Step forward Jeremy Corbyn. David Cameron and after hes gone George Osborne can do what they like for the next 10 years. Sad really.                             Poem  today is IF ONLY

FRANKLY ITS FRIDAY

As you get older it seems life goes quicker. Last friday seems like yesterday. And summer which hasnt been great is coming to an end. However this week has been warm, flip fops and shorts on the beach. Just as well as I have been walking 2 dogs, mine and my daughters which I have mentioned before is a labradoodle one of the new design breeds. Doesnt shed her hair but needs it cut all the time as it seems to grow like wildfire. They are very expensive to buy but because they are a cross breed and essentially a mongrel insurance is much cheaper! I dont know how people can manage two or more dogs as I find it much more difficult than walking one. They inevitably want to go in opposite directions.

Good news this week, my parachute jump has been approved by my doctor. As I’m now 70 you have to be cleared healthwise. And as I am a diabetic there is some worries apparently. AIt sounds much more dramatic than it is as it it is in tandem with an instructor. My daughter did one and it looked brilliant so I have wanted to do one since then. I’m looking forward to it.

My hero this week is an asylum seeker who managed to walk the 31 miles through the Eurotunnel. It is supposed to be totally secure but he managed to get all the way to England. The brave man deserves to stay here.

Regarding immigrants it is becoming clear this country are accepting a lot less than most other countries. The government pretend they are very strong and not allowing people in. The facts are ten times more immigrants want to go to Germany, four times more to Hungary, Sweden and Norway. Huge numbers DONT want to come to the UK. All these immigrants fleeing Africa and Syria are being dispersed throughout Europe we dont even want to take our share. Yet again I’m ashamed to live in the zenophobic uk.

I see Piers Brosnan had a 10 inch hunting knife confiscated by customs. Apparently he was annoyed! Who does he think he is James Bond? I once had a pair of tiny nail scissors confiscated. Did they think I was going to threaten the pilot with them?

Why is it costing the the tax payer £700 million to convert the Olympic stadium to a football ground. West Ham, who are going to play there are only paying about £2.5m per annum rent. Why?

Did you know 4 million years ago rats in South America were the size of hippos. How big were the cats?

Did you know emporer penguins can dive deeper than the height of the Empire State Building.

WARNING If you have a depressive please dont read this. Squirting cold water into your left ear will make you feel less optimistic!

Todays poem is extremely nondescript    RAIN 2nd draft