This week has been half term for school kids which generally means crowds of kids and adults on the beach. However the weather has been appalling. Very foggy and heavy rain. Which means quiet beaches, the way I like it. Time to think and absorb the power of the sea.

A muslim man was beaten to death by a 100 strong mob over rumours (I stress rumours) that he ate beef. His family claim it was mutton. How can somebody die for eating (allegedly) the wrong meat?

It has been announced this week the Chilcot report, which is the enquiry into the invasion of Iraq. Why we invaded, who gave the final decision and why we didn’t know what to do afterwards, It has taken 7 years for this report to come out (yes 7 years) , it is longer than the bible and the works of Shakespear. But before it is released it has to be vetted by the  National security office first. The danger is it becomes a whitewash. Will anybody be called to account or be punished. Will we have learned anything from it. At a cost of £10 million will it have been worth it? I just dont trust politicians anymore.

Which leads me onto Guatanamo bay. The Uk citizen has been released today after 14 years but there are still 140 prisoners. How can the West criticize China for civil rights while we imprison and torture people without trial. Double standards I’m afraid.

The British Steel industry is in desperate trouble making people redundant as we can’t compete in the world market especially against cheap Chinese imports. Other European countries can compete but we can’t. It becomes nonsense when the Ministry of Defence has placed contracts for 3 warships and 500-odd Army land vehicles and  Swedish steel is being used. It’s just ridiculous. Margaret Thatcher killed off most of British manufacturing and David Cameron is going to kill off whats left. There are now No British coal mines, virtually no shipbuilding yards, heavy engineering and all the major car manufacturers are foreign owned inc Rolls-Royce, Landrover and Jaguar. There is not a lot left. Although we are good at looking after our banks and bankers!

Now some humour. Did you know half of all human beings have mites living in their eyelashes. I’ve checked mine and I couldn’t see any!

Apparently there are chemicals called arsole, urantae, fucol, dogcollararane, apatite and cummingtonite!

Cremation causes silicone breast implants to explode. Not that that the woman bothers too much.

Sun Jihai, a Chinese footballer was inducted into the Football Hall of fame last week. He played 151 times for Manchester city between 2002 and 2008 scoring 4 times.I have never heard of him, certainly obscure. But wait the Chinese president is a football fan and he was here last week. So not such a surprise then!!!!!!!                                                                                               I didn’t know this but the most tattooed city in the UK is Birmingham with 48% of the population having at least one. In the North East it is less than 18%, which is a surprise.                                                                                         Finally Geordie word of the week is “manky”, meaning dirty or undesirable. English word is “gavilanting” meaning enjoying oneself in a outrageous liberated  way.

Poem this week hopefully thought provoking.WILL WE NEVER LEARN


Please excuse the wobbly handwriting as I have just returned from a wine-tasting afternoon. The winner was an Australian Merlot, a cheeky little number, fruity with a great nose. It was good to drink too.

Well I’ve had a very busy week doing all sorts of stuff as well as walking the dog (and thinking beach thoughts at the same time). It was one of those weeks where I didnt really have enough time to sleep. I dont know if Ive mentioned it before I wish medical science could invent a battery you could plug into and rejuvenate oneself without the need for sleep. It would just save so much time. That and invent the way to empty the brain of some unnecessary stuff to create space for more memory. Im sure the reason we forget things when we get older is because our brains are full and there is nowhere for the new things to go.

You know you are getting old when you realise Star Wars is 35 years old!!!

Apparently in the UK there are 50% less butterflies than there were 40 years ago.

After VW were caught doctoring their emission figures for cars it now transpires they were also making false claims for their vacuum cleaners. Is there no end to this cheating. And they apparently bribed people to get the 2006 World Cup. Disgusting.

And still the refugees flow into Europe, even more now the Russians are bombing Syria. But the UK wont take our share. Probably because the fruit picking and vegetable gathering season is now over! So we dont need as much cheap labour!

On the map of the UK by biscuit the North East of England eats more ginger nuts than anywhere else. Thats appropriate then!!!!

It is now claimed the BBC are anti Israel and favour Palestine. I dont think they are, but surely somebody should be! The Israeli P.M this week claimed a Palestine leader inspired Hitler to exterminate Jews. Considering several concentration camps existed at the time he got his facts wrong. By the way Im not biased against Israel I just want to see the Palestinians treated fairly!

The original advertisement to recruit band members for the Village People read Macho types wanted, must have moustache.  In those days my friends and I all had moustaches, it was almost compulsory!.

Johnny Cash’s estate once refused permission for his hit “Ring of Fire” to be used in a commercial for haemorrhoid cream

The ancient Greek philosopher Heraclitus attempted to cure a serious illness by lying in the sun covered in cow dung, He died the next day. So dont be tempted, Ive warned you.

Our Pm David Cameron has been compared to a panting puppy dog with it’s tongue hanging out in his negotiations with our new best friends China. China is dumping cheap steel on the world market which is causing our steel industry to lose thousands of jobs. They have an appalling civil rights record and will build our new nuclear power stations with technology that hasn’t even been tested yet!.  Oh, yes and they are likely to fund the fantastic new railway , the HS2 costing £50 billion and which will get Londoners to Birmingham and Manchester 20 and 35 minutes quicker. Or as a cynic would say people from the North and Midlands to London quicker. Some how it will make Midlands and the North much more prosperous. The only good thing is I’m likely to be dead by then!!!!

Todays poem is I hope thought provoking.SCARS


It is now daily becoming colder on my beach. The north wind sweeping up the beach has had me adding another layer of clothing. weather I don’t wind too much . I just wear more clothes and more waterproofs what does get to me is lack of day light. This morning it was dark when Bruce and I left the house to go on the fields for our morning walk (at least he is a yellow lab so I can at least see him in the dark) and it will be dark again for our evening walk. Soon they will be lead walks round the streets, which neither him or I enjoy. But being retired he can at least still get his long walk on the beach during the day. And the bonus is that there are less people and dogs as the weather worsens. I will be left to walk in near solitude to think my beach thoughts.

The largest company to produce Tuna is John West.  Most of our large supermarkets produce sustainably sourced tuna which is caught by rod and line. John West tuna is caught off Thailand in huge nets. Those nets do not discriminate the species of fish caught. Up to 300,000 dolphins are killed in this way every year. It has to be stopped. Don’t buy John West products.

Also a 35 ft Minke whale was washed up on a beach this week . It had been killed by swallowing a plastic bag. We must all be more careful when disposing plastic items. You wouldn’t believe how much is washed up on the beach every day.

So Oscar Pistorius will be released from jail after serving 1 year of his 5 year sentence. Normally prisoners released early have to wear a tag on their ankle. A bit more difficult when you have false legs! Perhaps they should put it round his neck. This is probably too good for a man who ACCIDENTLY murdered his girlfriend by shooting her three times through the bathroom door. Very believable!!!!!!!

So our government have decided it might be a good idea to build new Grammar schools. But we won’t call it a new school. We will call it an annex. An annex , it’s going to be 10 miles away for goodness . I went to a Grammar school and they were good schools, nothing to be ashamed about. So let.s call it a new school and be proud of it.

Yet again one of my hobby horses has cropped up. A German hunter paid £40,000 to kill the biggest African elephant fo 50 years. He then claimed it was good for Zimbabwe’s economy. So that,s why he did it. If we keep doing it there won,t be any magnificent wild animals left.

Enough rants. Humour. Squirting cold water into your left ear will make you less optimistic so be sensible and just squirt it into your right ear!

Most people in the 18th century only had a proper wash twice a year, presumably whether they were dirty or not!

In the 19th century circumcision was used th o treat epilepsy, hernia, lunacy and paralysis especially if you were a man.

Poem this week is as follows    I LAY AWAKE


I’ve had a bad week , nothing seems to have gone right. I’ve broken my mobile phone, spent £120 and its still not working, one of my Tvs stopped working, my heating boiler is leaking. My dog, Bruce and my daughters Lola have been a nightmare this week. Eating seaweed, losing balls and trying to steal other dogs and just never coming to me when I want them to. Nightmare!

Thats my first grumble although a recent survey indicates grumpiness now sets in at 80. So I’ve got a few years yet although my daughter wouldn’t agree!

A scientist has come come up with the idea we could live to 150 if we followed what he does. Most of it is exercise and diet but he doesnt think we should marry or even have sex as it takes up too much of our energy. It also seems to entail no fun or laughter. You may live til you are 150 but you wish you were dead!

Cornish council workers have been told they have to learn key words and phrases of the Cornish language . This is costing the council £150k. Bearing in mind there are only 557 people who speak the lingo !out of a population of 1/2 million.. Also about a 100 dont even live there! They love it so much.

So Blatter and Platini have been suspended from FIFA. They claim they are innocent. FIFA and football in general is corrupt. One of the big problems is that they dont know the difference between bribes and legitimate gifts(eg £20k watches just for attending a meeting)  and huge expense accounts to travel the world. To the ordinary citizen its called fraud. Not to them.

Ive got no great love of Putin or Russia but Obama  criticized them for bombing the wrong targets in Syria this week. Two days later he had to apologize for the US bombing a hospital and killing 20 civilians. Oops!

Did you know Whoopi Goldberg used to be a bricklayer? Thats useful if shes in any more crap movies. Or 65% of Pakistani soldiers have dandruff.

All the chickens eggs produced in the world each year would make an omelette the size of Northern Ireland. Where would you get a pan big enough?


There are at least 600 men in the world with two penises.

At the Tory conference this week David Cameron made a speech attempting to become the new Tony Blair. As Tony Blair tried to copy Margaret Thatcher have we not been here before?

Teresa May, the plastic Margaret Thatcher, George Osborne (if he takes over from David Cameron nobody will notice any difference) and Boris Johnson made bids to be the next Tory leader. My vote is for Boris as he is by far the funniest.

Nadiya, a Muslim born in the UK and who wears the traditional black headscarf won the Great British bake off this week. So no matter religion you are as long as you make great cakes you are accepted in this country. There is a moral there somewhere.

Finally one of the worst injustices in this country happened this week. Karissa Cox and Richard Carter had a baby 6 weeks old which they took to hospital with bleeding in the mouth. The staff noticed bruising and the baby was taken into care. They were accused of maltreatment. 3 years later they were told there was no case to answer as it was discovered the baby had a blood disorder. The baby was adopted by another couple 7 months ago. In other words they were found guilty before their trial. The authorities have decided the baby should stay with the adoptive parents. And we claim British justice is the best in the world. Bollocks!

Poem this week is apt to my nom de plume.         SEASCAPISM


Well i’ve missed a week as i’ve been on holiday and this post you may notice is saturday not friday. Not that many will notice I guess. I have been in Prague, Bratislava, Budapest and Vienna. Amazingly beautiful mid European cities with wonderful buildings and their own unique cultures. Would recommend Prague and Budapest in particular.

Things have not gone well since I have returned. I came home with an injured foot and when you walk a dog for 21/2 hrs a day it is a bit of a handicap. I was supposed to do a parachute jump tomorrow so I have had to postpone that. Apparently landing on one leg is frowned upon!

As I was also walking my daughters dog  this week and it has been simply stunning weather on the beach there were lots of other dogs. Those of you who have dogs will know they always run and poo in opposite directions. When you are limping heavily this is not good! Anyway the doctor doesnt what is wrong with my foot yet. I could just have jarred it badly on the cobbly streets while I was away, it might be gout or arthritis. Gout apparently would be the best choice as they just give you tablets and it goes away.

Todays Geordie word is tippy-tappy, meaning walk as in “walk doon (down) the lonnen (lane)” There I’ve even taught you a sentence.

A word I haven’t heard for a while is “banjaxed”, an originally Irish word meaning tired, drunk, intoxicated, in fact not functioning properly! So at last the Uk citizen held at Guantalamo Bay is being released without charge! It would have been better to have murdered somone he would have been out years ago!

A doctor this week suggested people should be weighed with their luggage when flying. I’m sure that will offend some people but I don’t think it is such a bad idea.

Well there has been another shooting in the States this week. A student at an Oregon college has killed at least 9 fellow students. He had some mental illness issues but held 13 guns legally. There has been  one mass( at least 4 deaths) killing every day so far this year. Is there not a lesson to be learned?

Humour.  George H W Bush wears socks with his own face on. Is that in case he forgets who he is? In Geogian “mama” means father and “deda” means mother. “Gurkentruppe” is German for losers, literally an army of cucumbers. So by losing the war they are all cucumbers! Men with small testicles tend to be better fathers. Don’t know if it also applies to penis’s though!

An elderly couple this week were fined £160 for dropping cherries stones in the park. I have have always thrown away orange peel, apple cores etc in the country as it was organic and helped the soil. Wrong it is litter!

VW have 11million cars worldwide that have installed software that makes their emission figures give false readings. Whoever gave the go ahead for that should be prosecuted for fraud and punished. But, and it’s a big but, have you ever met anyone who has achieved the figures any manufacture claimed? I thought they were all doctored.

Right that’s it for this week. I also broke my mobile phone this week which is going to cost £120 so poem this week reflects my mood.        BATTLEFIELD