I’ve had a bad week , nothing seems to have gone right. I’ve broken my mobile phone, spent £120 and its still not working, one of my Tvs stopped working, my heating boiler is leaking. My dog, Bruce and my daughters Lola have been a nightmare this week. Eating seaweed, losing balls and trying to steal other dogs and just never coming to me when I want them to. Nightmare!

Thats my first grumble although a recent survey indicates grumpiness now sets in at 80. So I’ve got a few years yet although my daughter wouldn’t agree!

A scientist has come come up with the idea we could live to 150 if we followed what he does. Most of it is exercise and diet but he doesnt think we should marry or even have sex as it takes up too much of our energy. It also seems to entail no fun or laughter. You may live til you are 150 but you wish you were dead!

Cornish council workers have been told they have to learn key words and phrases of the Cornish language . This is costing the council £150k. Bearing in mind there are only 557 people who speak the lingo !out of a population of 1/2 million.. Also about a 100 dont even live there! They love it so much.

So Blatter and Platini have been suspended from FIFA. They claim they are innocent. FIFA and football in general is corrupt. One of the big problems is that they dont know the difference between bribes and legitimate gifts(eg £20k watches just for attending a meeting)  and huge expense accounts to travel the world. To the ordinary citizen its called fraud. Not to them.

Ive got no great love of Putin or Russia but Obama  criticized them for bombing the wrong targets in Syria this week. Two days later he had to apologize for the US bombing a hospital and killing 20 civilians. Oops!

Did you know Whoopi Goldberg used to be a bricklayer? Thats useful if shes in any more crap movies. Or 65% of Pakistani soldiers have dandruff.

All the chickens eggs produced in the world each year would make an omelette the size of Northern Ireland. Where would you get a pan big enough?


There are at least 600 men in the world with two penises.

At the Tory conference this week David Cameron made a speech attempting to become the new Tony Blair. As Tony Blair tried to copy Margaret Thatcher have we not been here before?

Teresa May, the plastic Margaret Thatcher, George Osborne (if he takes over from David Cameron nobody will notice any difference) and Boris Johnson made bids to be the next Tory leader. My vote is for Boris as he is by far the funniest.

Nadiya, a Muslim born in the UK and who wears the traditional black headscarf won the Great British bake off this week. So no matter religion you are as long as you make great cakes you are accepted in this country. There is a moral there somewhere.

Finally one of the worst injustices in this country happened this week. Karissa Cox and Richard Carter had a baby 6 weeks old which they took to hospital with bleeding in the mouth. The staff noticed bruising and the baby was taken into care. They were accused of maltreatment. 3 years later they were told there was no case to answer as it was discovered the baby had a blood disorder. The baby was adopted by another couple 7 months ago. In other words they were found guilty before their trial. The authorities have decided the baby should stay with the adoptive parents. And we claim British justice is the best in the world. Bollocks!

Poem this week is apt to my nom de plume.         SEASCAPISM


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