FEATURING FRIDAY

Glad to be inside after fighting gale force winds with apparently stronger winds to come. It’s the aftermath of the storms they’ve had in USA. all our weather comes from that direction, we just get diluted versions. Although this year in particular lots of water has been picked up from the Atlantic and deposited on us hence all the flooding we have had! Thanks America.

Hero this week is 55 year old James Worsley who died 70 days into his attempt to be the first person to cover the 943 miles across Antartica unaided. There are still adventures left in the world and people prepared to risk their lives attempting them. RIP

Heroine of the week is Johanna Konta, the British tennis player who reached the ladies semi-final in the Australian open this week. She was ranked 151st in April 2015 started the tournament ranked 47th and will end it about 28th. All down to hard work. Good luck in the future. Oh and by the way the BBC decided not to show the tournament live this year. It has been our most successful for nearly 40 years. They decided to show that popular British sport American football instead. The Rose Bowl. Nice one BBC.

Villains of the week. The two 71year old sailors trying to sail across the Atlantic. Since leaving Holland they have been rescued 7 times and have yet to leave England! I think they are being a tad ambitious!

Villainess of the week who tried to claim the lottery prize of £33 million. She produced a ticket she claimed had been in her jeans pocket when she put them thro the washing machine. unfortunately the real winner has now turned. The said claimant is now in hiding!

Hilary Clinton chose Abraham Lincoln as the most successful President ever. Apparently she overlooked husband somehow.

HUMOUR Apparently men who do the dishes get more sex. Does anybody want to buy a dishwasher going cheap?

Birds living in cities start the dawn chorus 5 hours earlier than those in the countryside. Noisy bastards!

Alligators balance twigs on their noses, to lure birds looking for nest building materials. Hope they are birds from the city!

London burnt down in 1077, 1087,1132, 1136,1203,1212,1220 and 1227 as well as 1666. Fire insurance must have been horrendous in those days!

Just 62 people have more than 50% of the world’s population. Absolutely obscene.

Italy has had to cover up nude statues in case they offend the visiting President of Iran.

A lifeboat was called out this week to pull a dead body out of the water. However it was a blow up doll sex aid. Wonder where that ended up?

We sell a huge amount of armaments to Saudi Arabia who use them to bomb civilians in the Yemen. Is that’s what is known as turning a blind eye?

Because of the pricing of rail fares in this country it is cheaper to fly from Newcastle to London (300miles) via Barcelona, Spain than it is to take the train direct. Madness.

Finally there has been controversy this week of some mothers in Darlington taking their kids to school in P.J.s (the mothers not the kids) As long as the kids get to school on time it doesn’t really matter. However you would have thought from a  personal pride point of view and not to embarrass your kids you would have dressed suitably. it’s not as if 9-00 is the crack of dawn!

Poem this week attached.                    A STORY TO TELL

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A FRIDAY FOR REFLECTION

On this small (relatively)island the greatest topic of conversation is the weather. We greet each other with “good morning”, “horrible morning”, “some wind today” “lovely morning” “it’s cold(er) today” It’s much warmer today” “rain’s forecast later” , “those dark clouds look as if we are going to get a shower soon.” You get get the drift. And I suppose it’s because our weather is so changeable. It changes from one day to the next. I live on the coast and the weather ten miles inland can be considerably different. The sea keeps temperatures up in the winter but lower in summer. We don’t get a great deal of snow on the coast as the salty sea air gets rid of it quickly. I’ve been to the Us and they have a weather map of the whole of the continent . It can be -10 in the North and 40 degrees in the south. Because we are an island we don’t have such extremes. We are virtually always unprepared when we have very bad (heavy snow) or a good (sustained sunny spell) we have drought. We don’t use all weather tyres and trains break down for lots of reasons. Leaves on the tracks, the wrong type of snow and last week the winter sun was too low so the driver couldn’t see ahead. Other reasons I have given when travelling was cows or sheep on the track and once I was held up because  a trampoline had been blown onto the track. We have had a lot of flooding recently because of heavier than usual train. Actually where I live we didn’t see any sunshine this year (2016) until the 11th of Jan. All I am really saying is that we get up in the morning here and we don’t know what weather we will have that. Anyone who has a dog (especially a large one) will know whatever the weather you will be walking in it!

Ok i’m sick of weather now. Another of my favourite pop stars has died this week, Glenn Frey. Loved the Eagles stuff, particular favourites were Deperado, Hotel Califiornia, One of the Nights and The Heat is On by Glenn frey himself. RIP

HUMOUR  After the first recorded hurling match the losing team was brutally murdered. Who said “it’s only a game”.

In 1920 Clarence Blethen retired hurt from a baseball game after biting himself on the bottom with the false teeth he kept in back pocket.

Louis X and Charles VIII of France died as a result of playing tennis. Sorry I don’t know how!

Rice Krispies in Germany go “Knisper! Knasper! Knasper! ” I haven’t done the necessary field research but I’m told this is the case.

There was a photo of ABBA in the paper this week . They didn’t half look old. Loved their music but they are 69, 70, 65 and 70. Enough said.

However Helen Mirren is also 70 and she looks fantastic for her age.

And finally after an enquiry it was found that Russia was behind  the murder in London of dissident Russian Alexander Litvinenko and President Vladimir Putin “probably” knew about it. The spineless British government are frightened to say he “DID” know. And why? Because we are frightened of him!

This weeks Geordie word is “wisht” which means quiet and the English word is “palaver” which means a fuss or bother.

poem this week attached                                                          WORRINGLY WINTER

FREEZING FRIDAY

After snow yesterday which melted and froze overnight my walk on the beach was cold but beautiful today. Sun was shining from a cloudless sky. As good as a winters day is possible. I was out with my dog in blizzard conditions yesterday and he would have stayed out if I had not dragged him home. Labradors are just insatiable for walking. Due to bad weather the beach looks totally different to the way it was say three weeks ago. New rocks have been exposed and the sand is piled high at the bottom of the cliffs.There was a dead seal washed ashore this week. Anyone who visits beaches regularly will know they are different each day. The sea is such a powerful force it moves things around on a daily basis. I really don’t understand how we can’t use it more to create energy. It is not like windmills which rely on winds to blow. The tide comes in every 13 hours without fail.

So two famous people died  this week. David Bowie and Alan Rickman. Both of them 69. I.m 70 so don’t need to worry that 69 is a dangerous age!

David Bowie was a real star(man) . He was a great inventive musician with clever words and  and music but also a fashion icon and an example to kids who were different. Some of his lyrics were poetical and he showed boundaries were there to be broke. Particular favourites for me were Life on Mars (I can’t stop humming it) Starman, Heroes, Ashes to Ashes, Let’s dance, Young Americans. He changed a lot of peoples attitude to music and seems to have been around for ever. He was a one off and has influenced many of todays musicians. He was also an astute business man who left £130 million, but most of all he was by all accounts a very nice person. RIP David Bowie.

Alan Rickman was originally a Shakespearean actor, classically trained, who was good enough to do comedy and most recently Harry Potter. I remember him first in a TV play called Truly, Madly, Deeply.

Humour.In 2007 Scotland spent £125, 000 devising a new national slogan. The winning entry was “Welcome to Scotland” Very inventive!

“misspell” is one of the most commonly misspelled words in the English language!

If you tickle a rat every day, it’ll start laughing as soon as it sees you. Wear gloves just in case it doesn’t! Also rats can feel regret.

So Jerry Hall, 59 is engaged to Rupert Murdoch,84. It must be love.Also a woman sculptress, 66 is to marry a retired tycoon, 90. I hope they’re not planning long engagements!

Scientists have just discovered a 8ft. dinosaur thigh bone. That’s too big even for my dog.

MP’s are suggesting this week you should be able to select your own gender at 16. Am I just being old fashioned or is this just madness?

Apparently standing on your head can improve your sexlife. But how long do you have to do it for?

Somebody won £33million on the National lottery this week. Personally I think that sort of money to an ordinary person is too much. I think it should be a max of £1 miillion. This would create a lot more of happy people than just one couple.

Geordie word this week is “tetty” meaning a potato. English word “gad-a-bout” meaning a restless person who seeks pleasure or fun.

Find my poem attached.       BLUE GLASS EYE

FLOODED FRIDAY

I am not claiming this immediate area has seen as bad flooding as some other parts of the country. Scotland has probably had the worst effects this week, last week it was Lancs and Yorks and the Lake District ( Which is now literally one lake rather than several previously) Most of the fields near where i live are flooded but no houses fortunately. But there are people within 30/40 miles of here who have been driven from their homes. However since last saturday out of 20 dog walks I have only had it not raining 3 times! Thats means full waterproofs and a very wet dog each time. Labradors don’t mind rain in fact seem to love it and mine has still been swimming in the sea. The sea has been very rough and a lot of sand has been washed up against the sea wall and cliffs. lots of new rocks have been exposed.

So a wet start to the New year. When I go down to the beach for my walks I use a parking permit which was £50 a year. they have increased the charge to £250 which is  ridiculous. For the first time in my life I have written a letter to the local newspaper complaining about it. I doubt anything will happen.

Our Prime Minister , David Cameron this week stated he feared his children wouldn’t be able to afford to get onto the housing ladder. This is from a man worth £30 million! What a joker. Me and most of my friends have helped our children with money to buy their first house. I’m afraid that what parents are for.

So black pudding is a super food! In the North of England and Scotland we have always known this.

Back to flooding, Andrew, Duke of York can’t even be bothered to visit the city of York which has suffered very badly. To be fair he is also the Earl of Inverness and he hasn’t been there either!!!!! And while a lot of people in Aberdeenshire are now washed out of their homes Prince Charles’s garden up there has been washed away. Not his house. But even if it was he has several others to live in.

Time for humour. Before they got whistles, football referees waved hankies. Pity they still didn’t!

A Shakespearean euphemism for infidelity was “groping for trout in a peculiar river” That sounds much better doesn’t it ?

Due to flash floods , one of the biggest dangers in the desert is drowning.

“Mambo no. 5 was the theme song for the 2000 Democratic Convention(Bill Clinton’s party) until somebody realised it included a line “a little bit of Monica in my life”

In our latest X factor the winner, 17year old Louisa Johnson has has had voice training since she was 7. Is that not an advantage?

Geordie word this week is -Scrunch meaning to screw up or crumple something.

Old English word is Blubber meaning to weep or cry or sob.

Back to poetry this week , see attached                     OLD FASHIONED

FIRST FRIDAY 2016

Well its a new year. New hope, new aspirations. I’ve never made New Year resolutions. Just tried to look forward with positive thoughts. I’ve made stupid decisions, done wrong things like everyone. But in a way I dont regret my mistakes as I think I learnt from them and ultimately it has made me a better person. Too much energy is spent regretting the past we should be looking towards the future. Some of the mistakes Ive made appeared to be right at the time it is only when looked at with hind-sight they turned out wrong. So 2016 is another year of opportunity no matter what age you are. And I should know because I,m 70 now.

So I wish you all well in 2016 and hope you receive the things you really need to make you happy.

In the last few weeks the North of England has had tremendous floods and lots of people are now homeless. The cost of flood repairs is estimated at £5.8 Billion and there have been more floods since then. We had floods about 10 years ago and it was said then they only happened once in a hundred years , so the experts were wrong and the flood defences put in place then have proved to be pretty useless. If the cost of repair is in excess of £6 billion does it not make sense that we spend what is necessary to stop the floods happening rather than on these repairs. The shadow chancellor of exchequer has suggested all parties get together and decide what monies are needed for this. Then no matter what government is in power the necessary work is carried out. Seems a sensible idea to me so it probably no chance of happening!!!!!. Incidentally while these floods were happening the leader of the Environment Agency was in Barbados on holiday. Also these floods may dampen down the fires of George Osbornes so called “Northern Powerhouse”

Hero of the week is John Beeden who became the first man to row solo from North America to Australia. It was 7400 miles and took him 7 months. He was 3 months overdue, I bet he got a helluva a row from his wife, she probably thought he was in the pub!

Scientists have claimed e-cigs are no safer than the real thing!

Humour  In 2007 210,000 Americans were injured by lawnmowers! Next most dangerous  apparently is the flowerpot. It  is illegal in Chicago for lawns to have weeds more than 10 inches tall.

Orchids can get jet lag. Well they shouldn’t fly should they!!!

A male capuchin monkey will have sex with any female that throws a stone at him. So ladies you have been warned. Don’t throw stones at capuchin monkeys!!!!

I feel really sorry for Mexican Carlos Slim who has lost £13 billion as shares in his company Movil have plunged this year. Bill Gates of Microsoft has lost £2 billion and Warren Buffet, the American investor £7 billion. Bill Gates has to get by on £56.4 billion now.

Sorry no poem this week due to holiday commitments. But it will be back next week.

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