FRIGHTENING FRIDAY

Whats frightening about it. Well congratulations Donald Trump and commiserations USA. Fingers crossed Hilary, at least you’re halfway sensible.

The other frightening thing is the ineptitude of our Prime Minister David Cameron. He is coming up with more and more bizarre reasons to stay in Europe. He nearly lost the Scottish Independence vote until Gordon Brown saved him at the last minute. He then claimed he had won a better deal for the UK by renegotiating our terms. Everyone knows he won very little. And now he is just plucking figures from midday that nobody believes. The truth is he should have been a used car salesmen. Then he could have used his patter to convince the gullible buyer with his pure smarm.. He is aided by his glamorous assistant George Osborne. The opposition, who are for leaving Europe are our very own Donald Trump, Boris Johnson. The only difference between the two is that Boris is funny, in fact a bit of a clown. Unfortunately this is not a characteristic you want in a person who is desperate to be our next P.M.  Throw in the leader of the Labour party, Jeremy Corbyn who is a nice bloke but has no leadership qualities whatsoever and Alex Salmond who wants to be the first President of Scotland. And the USA thinks it has problems!!!!!!!!

Is it me just getting old or is Kim Kardashian really attractive or fashionable? I cant see it. What is she actually good at? I have a very connection with her in that I stayed in the same hotel as her husband, Kanye West the week after he was there. It was on  the Isle of Skye. Dont know what he was doing there! Ok I am getting old I do think Helen Mirren is certainly attractive even though she is 70.

Humour  Traffic lights were introduced 18 years before the dar was invented. Why?

Polo mints release light when you snap them in the dark.

The closer a woman is to the equator the more likely she is to have a girl baby!

The least common PIN number is 8068. But dont all change to it or it wont be.

Good news for Newcastle United fans at last. Our manager Rafa Benitez has decided to stay even though we were relegated. At least we now have hope that the team can improve in the future. Considering we have not won a domestic trophy for 61 years and any trophy for 47 years success is well overdue!

This has also been a bad week for the Royal conman, Prince Andrew. He lives a lavish lifestyle on a Navy pension and pocket money from his Mum, the Queen. Yet he managed to buy a house in Switzerland for £16 million. He is very friendly with the President of Kazakhstan, who is an oil rich despot. Perhaps thats a clue.

Back to poetry this week               THE GIFT OF A CHILD

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FABULOUS FRIDAY

For about the first time this year I can say it is a beautiful sunny day! It really is but I have got wet twice today out walking the dog. Just sudden heavy showers but at least it is now warm enough that you dry quickly. But like a true Brit we always complain about our weather and we have had a period of lack of any heavy rain so the fields are showing cracks and the gardens need watering! It has been a difficult week, I lost all my keys and searched high and low in my house without success ( I did find a lot of things I’d mislayed however) So I got a new set cut from my daughters set and within 2 hrs someone had found my original set somewhere down my street. Then I scraped the car to avoid a bus and finally my dog hurt another dog on the beach and I have vets bills to pay. My dog is not aggressive, he just tried to mount this other dog. And because the other dog was old(13) and a lot smaller Bruce hurt him. Bruce has been castrated but it doesnt stop them trying to mount other dogs.Also other dogs try to mount him all the time. It just one of those things on the beach.

People in this country know most of the press is right-wing so it does not come as a surprise that the Daily Mail (which is ulra right-wing) is complaining about the appointment of the new ITV is a woman, is left-wing, has no experience of journalism is an economics graduate from UCL, did a business degree in America, oh and by the way is Jewish and attractive. She sounds perfect to me!

So Muirfield golf course in Edinburgh will not host the golf Open championship any more. They didn’t get the required majority to allow women to join the club so are off the list. Have these guys not got wives I wonder what they think of their husbands views. Pathetic men!

Humour -Every leech has 18 testicles and two ovaries- a load of balls in my opinion!

Fruit flies take their time over difficult decisions, they would make good politicians then

The Dutch Crown jewels are made of fake pearls, fish scales and coloured foil. I wonder if ours have been checked recently?

St. George is the patron saint of England, leprosy and syphilis. EH?

Stella McCartney, daughter of Paul the Beatle is a fashion designer. Her clothes are very expensive. I certainly dont consider myself an expert on fashion but anyone sgree that her clothes are actually hideous. They do nothing for the wearer!

Ukraine won the Eurovision song contest with a happy little ditty about Stalin deporting Crimean Tartars in World War ll (They were later slaughtered) Runners up were Australia(how did they get in?) and Russia. Uk were third last 24th out of 26. It not because we produce worse songs than everybody else because most are bad anyway it is because not many countries actually like the British.

Sorry a little bit of politics, MP’s expenses went up 40% in 5 years. Why would anyone be surprised everyone knows they are a set of greedy bastards!!!!!

Apparently this country will be a nation of driverless cars in 4 years. Good job I’ve got a bus pass (it doesnt include buses does it?)

This week for a change it is some flash fiction. Hope you like it.PUNISHMENT TO FIT THE CRIME

 

 

 

 

 

FRIDAY FOREVER

I used to think when I was working (now nearly five years ago) Friday was a sanctuary to be reached. Now it doesn’t make a great deal of difference as every day is pretty much the same. Except I suppose my beach is much busier on Saturdays and Sundays. But that only depends on the weather. I walk everyday no matter sun, rain, snow, gale, frost even if there was a plague of locusts Bruce and i would be there. Others only walk when it is fine weather. Generally speaking they are owners of handbag breeds that dont like getting wet in the sea or from rain. So you might think I’m perverse but I prefer good weather during the week and not so good at weekends. Sorry!!!

I also remember when I was going through a very pessimistic spell in my life that I didnt like Fridays because they were only 2days before Mondays when I had to go back to work. Ok I know it was strange but I also had a friend that hated getting up for work so he used to shave and have his breakfast before he went to bed to save him time in the mornings. He reckoned he could get up and leave the house 7 minutes later.

Good news this week old age doesn’t begin until you are 76! So I have another few years left before then.

Apparently there is a global market of £20 billion for probiotic drinks. Scientists have found no evidence whatsoever they make any difference to your health. I have never had one primarily because I didnt trust the name. Just think of the money I have saved. I also have never trusted bottled water. I still believe the bottles are just filled from the tap! Bottled water is now more expensive than petrol. Thats silly!!

So the UK government has managed to get the immigration figures wrong by about 200,000. Well roughly that. How when you are an island you dont know who comes and goes defies logic. So the fact that immigration is probably the single most important factor whether we stay in Europe or not is shrouded in mystery because no one knows what the true figures are. What a shambles!!!!!

HUMOUR Half of all human beings have mites living in their eyelashes.

A whole orange will float on water but a peeled one will sink.

Emperor penguins can dive deeper than the height of the Empire State Building. The trouble is we would have to flood New York to prove it.

Elvis was naturally blonde. Didn’t know that.

This actually isnt meant as humour but did you see a cat was in a washing machine for 10 minutes at 40 degrees. Fortunately it didn’t reach the spin drying stage.

The wages for MP’s staff has risen rapidly recently. Oh, what a surprise most of them are MP’s relatives.

Even our PM has admitted we give money to corrupt nations like Nigeria £250million and Afghanistan £185illion. So as long as we know about  its OK is it ?

Sombre Poem this week I’m afraid            DEATH

PS I not going to mention the fact that my football team Newcastle Utd were relegated this week!

FABULOUS FRIDAY

At last the weather has changed and my shorts are out on the beach. It will be flip-flops soon. Yes, the snow and frost and north winds have been replaced by blue skies and sunshine. Happy days are here again.

Great news this week for football fans. Leicester City proved the English Premiership can be won without spending huge fees for players and without paying huge salaries.Well done but all I need is for my team Newcastle not to be relegated and for a proper manager like Rafa Benitez stay and sort the club out.

Congratulations Donald Trump but all I can say is “God bless America” and Hilary Trump. It’s down to her to save the world as we know it!!!!!

What a prat Jeremy Hunt , the Health Minister is. He was caught this week messing with his mobile phone while in the chamber of the House. He was laughing like a little boy who has been caught with his hand in the sweetie jar. It would be better for all of us if he just sorted the junior doctor’s strike out once and for all!

Have you seen the new device scientists have invented. It reads text for blind people and converts the text into the spoken word. In essence blind people will be able to read books, newspapers menus and e-mails. How incredible is that.

A 1933 penny has been sold this week for £72,000. Is that what the expression, “look after the pennies and the pounds will look after themselves comes from?

This week a swimmer in the European Championships was disqualified for not covering up a tattoo of the Olympic rings. You are not allowed “body advertising” How does that effect the result then. Absolute nonsense!

A diamond the size or a tennis ball was discovered in Botswana last year. It is worth £50 million. That is going to make some diamond ring!

HUMOUR There are more statues of lions in the world than there are real lions and wait for it there are more plastic flamingos in the USA than real ones. Well it’s just a lot cheaper and safer that way.

The biggest dam built by beavers is twice as long as the Hoover dam. They don’t charge nearly as much either.

The Burmese sneezing monkey sneezes uncontrollably whenever it rains. I wonder if we could get them to forecast the weather.

Cold play singer Chris Martin is dating Annabelle Wallis who plays Tommy Shelby’s new wife in Peaky Blinders new tv series. Be careful Chris him and his mates are seriously dangerous.

Who does this jumped up Culture Minister, John Whittingdale think he is? He stated ” it may be the BBC may cease to exist, which is a tempting thought”. So he is unbiased then! He should remember the Culture Minister is a job for young promising politicians on their way up or for older politicians on their way down. How old is he? Nearly 57.

Poem attached, tribute to Bruce my dog. See below           THE LABRADORbruce 52