FRIGHTENING FRIDAY

Well today is probably one of the worst days of my life. The misguided people of the uk have voted to exit Europe. Ok it will not effect me hugely because of my age but it will certainly change the life of my daughter and grand daughter.

The xenophobic British public have shown their true colours and shown how far right this country is. Scotland have voted to remain in so the likelyhood there will now be another referendum and they will get their wish to leave the United (JOKE) Kingdom. Quite possibly Northern Ireland could do the same.

David Cameron has resigned and if he had any principles left so should Jeremy Corbyn, the Labour leader.  The next prime minister could well be the clown of British politics, Boris Johnson ably assisted by the dwarf that knows everything Michael Gove and our British fascist leader Nigel Farage, or as his party is cleverly called UKIP( United Kingdom Independence Party)  Fascist parties in Germany, France and Italy and Austria will be delighted by the result and will see it as a huge opportunity to expand to the right in their own countries. It is frightening.

What disturbs me is in my own North East which has received more European money than we have put in they voted to come out of Europe. Nissan probably the biggest employer in this area wouldnt even be here but for the fact we were part of the European Community. So we have to come back to the mistrust of anything  foreign . There isnt even an immigration problem in the North East.

The young people of the UK who believe in a more global world voted to stay in Europe but their future has been sold down the river by the older population who just dont like dealing with foreigners here or abroad.

Im afraid my own country has let me down and Im ashamed of the way the outside world now perceives us.   All we need now is for Donald Trump to get in. Putin is having a good laugh the way things are going!

But still there must be humour!  “Converseesjukan” is Swedish for foot problems caused by wearing trendy trainers.

Elephants like tickling each other.

In the 19th century circumcision was used to treat epilepsy, hernia, lunacy and paralysis.

Apparently listening to Mozart and and Strauss are better than Abba in lowering blood pressure.

A mans great Aunt Flo used a big vase as a doorstop in her house. It is Chinese and is worth between  £500,000 and a £1million!

Diane Keaton, 70, is sexually frustrated. I would offer my services as she is still an attractive woman but I doubt whether she would come to Whitley Bay.

How cruel life is. Pop star Rita Ora had over £2oo,000 of possessions stolen during a raid on her house. Including a £2,000 Loius Vuitton designer dog carrier! Hope it doesnt give my dog ideas especially as he’s a labrador!

Poetry in keeping with my mood attached          AFTERMATH

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FANDANGO FRIDAY (part 11)

Unfortunately half of my blog has gone missing so here goes again.

The largest sperm bank in the world does not accept donations from red heads because of insufficient demand.

The norwegian word fr smelly feet is “tafis” which means toe fart. Very true.

I noticed this week pocket money in the uk has hit a 9 year high at £6.55 a week for 8-15 year olds. Boys even at that age receive 13% more than girls. 42% of children believe they are underpaid but whether it will lead to strike action is unknown at this point.

My poem this week is re old age.    ADVANTAGE OF AGEING

FANDANGO FRIDAY

It is my birthday today and I have always wanted to do the fandango and tap dance. But  it may be too late as I,m know I’m getting a bit old. As I say it is my birthday but unfortunately I’m in agony as I have hurt my back. So too old and bad back?  Well I expect my back will recover soon but I doubt that having two left feet will. Also I think I really mean the paso doble not the fandango. I am joking about the too old bit I don’t think you are Ever to old to do something. I did my first sky dive at the age of 70 last year so I don’t see why I can’t try some dance lessons. I always had a vision of myself like Fred Astaire. One can dream.

This has been an ironic week. The Orlando killing are just tragic but any nation that can allow 382 mass killings (a mass killing is where 4 or more die) in a year. Abama speaks out yet again over US gun laws but appears powerless to do anything. Donald Trump makes it political and blames Islamic elements. He doesn’t help anyone by stating “I told you so”. The killer was an Islamic supporter but was gay and was born in New York. So do you expel all Islamic US citizens Donald.

Now here is the irony. A British M.P is shot dead this week by a man with mental problems (not confirmed but likely.) So guns are still available here but we don’t have nearly as many killing. The MP is a lady with two young children. Born and went to school in her home town  then went to Cambrige Uni. worked for OXFAM then became MP for her local area. She seems to have been universally liked and respected. A tragic loss. RIP Jo Cox. Only 41.

HUMOUR For inspiration DH Lawrence liked to to climb mulberry trees naked. Wonder why mulberry trees?

The largest sperm bank in the world does not accept donations from redheads because of “insufficient demand”

 

FEATURING FRIDAY

Its been a strange week but at least the weather has improved and its warmer. Was just thinking when I was walking on the beach this week how we take our dogs for granted. I have have met more people through having my Bruce than i would have otherwise. He is a labrador and he cannot pass any other dog or person I meet. People with dogs actually speak to each other. Not so much in the winter when we just just say hullo and move on it is so cold but in the summer you tend to linger and speak at length. the conversation virtually always starts with the weather. We Brits are obsessed by weather. So your dog almost introduces you to other people. Also because my dog is so inquisitive I got to know most of the people who live near me. Labradors have such a friendly nature they are difficult to dislike. All the local kids know him by name but they don’t know mine. I’m only his dogwalker. I nearly said master but in his case that wouldn’t really be true. He mostly does as I ask him but in his own time. It is difficult to know who actually is in charge. But he is as faithful as the day as long and as long as he is walked a lot (in my case 2 and a 1/2 hrs a day, is fed and gets plenty of sleep he is happy. Oh sorry I throw the ball on the beach for him for at least an hour and he will chase and drop it at my feet. Labradors do not chase animals like rabbits or birds, they are not killers they will retrieve dead animals but not kill them. They are just gentle dogs. the only troble is if a burglar broke carrying food a labrador would help him carry the “swag bag”

Humour  Whoopi Goldberg used to be a bricklayer.

Jerry Springer was born in Highgate Tube station in london.

65% of Pakistani soldiers have dandruff. Do they not know about “Head and Shoulders”

Louis X and Charles VIII of France both died as a result of playing tennis. Eh

Congrats Hillary. All you need to do now is slay the Trump beast.

British Navy destroyers costing £1 billion don’t work if the sea is too hot. Thats ok . we’ll just have to have battles in colder climes.

So Demi Moore has grey hair. It doesn’t make her any less attractive.

Nick Hurd, who is a very junior government minister said the £250 million we gave to the corrupt nation of Nigeria last year was an “absolutely tiny” amount. What sort of idiot is he?

Banksy , the famous graffiti artist did one of his works on a school wall in Bristol. Brilliant.

So we are ready in this country to repel immigrants. Really . With 3 vessels to patrol 7723 miles of coastline we are going to find it difficult. Italy  have 600 vessels and Greece 240 !

Finally thanks Muhammad Ali. Not just a boxer, although you were the best. But civil rights activist, principled man, comedian and fantastic example of how to fight Parkinsons. A truly great human being!

Poem attached                  THE PARK

 

 

 

 

FLAMING FRIDAY

This new month is know as Flaming June but so far in this part of the country flaming is not quite the appropriate word to be used. For over a week now while the rest of the country has been basking in sunshine the North East coast has been assaulted by a freezing North wind with constant grey skies. The temperatures have been lower than those at Xmas apparently. I have gone from short-sleeved tee shirts and shorts to fleece lined trousers and ski jacket , scarf and gloves and wooly hat. I wonder if there is any correlation in that the rest of England is concerned about the amount of immigrants increasing populations substantially whilst in The North East they are barely increasing?

Donald Trump commissioned Andy Warhol to paint Trump Tower in 1987. Trump refused to pay saying it was “not colour co-ordinated”. Two things , at first I thought it meant he was actually painting the actual building then I realised it meant a portrait1. Silly me!. However I don’t know whose opinion I would take the most readily.

Marks and Spencers, the large British dept. store have decided to drop in-store piped music. About time. Did anyone ever like piped music?

The 11 year girl who had £1000 a month spent on her said “I’m just a normal kid ”  Yes right. Who’s a spoilt brat then?

Did you read the story of the little boy who fell into the Gorilla’s enclosure at Cincinatti zoo? It is difficult to tell if the gorilla was protecting or attacking the little boy but the authorities shot the gorilla. They didn’t have any choice but to kill it. Which was sad. The real guilty parties are the boys parents. They should be prosecuted for child cruelty and the cost of replacing the gorilla.

Continuing the animal theme there is a 47st. bear being kept as a house pet in Russia. Beautiful, touching pictures but while the people are well meaning the bear should be out in the wild where it belongs.

Humour.  People are more likely to co-operate with you if you give them something warm to hold. Good idea!

The Daleks in Dr. Who were based on the Nazis.

Penis worms do not have heads (or penises)

Ancient Egyptian bakers who cheated their customers were punished by having their ear nailed to the door of the bakery. Hear hear.

In Hindi, a “chummery”is a house shared by two or more bachelors.

Tata, the Indian company that owns the British steel industry has the British government bending over backwards , offering £900 milllion support and changing rules on pension funds in order not to close it all down. How is an Indian company being left to decide what happens to our steel industry? Also what sensible country sells off its utilities and allows foreign ownership of them. That’s right it’s  the UK                                                            Poem attached.    STORIES TO TELL