FAIRLY FRIDAY

Spring appears to have been sprung in the last week. Flowers have become rampant and ther is now blossom on the trees. It appears I have survived anotther winter. Well not yet quite we can still get snow and ice in April and May but it doesnt last as long. As usual the South of England  has had pretty warm weather up to 18 degrees whilst we on the bit of England that clings to the North Sea have only had up to 13. Warm for us.  I live in the bit of England between Hadrians wall and Scotland which politicians and a lot of people in London think is Scotland. Unfortunately if Scotland does get independence we will become more of a political wilderness. The Conservatives gave up on us many years age and Labour just take us for granted. Subsequently nobody is interested in us. As a matter of interest we got a lot more out of Europe than we put in so leaving is another disaster for us. But do we care? Of course not because we’re Geordies!

I watched the Red Nose day Comic relief Charity Show last Friday on Tv. It was normally very funny. As usual it raised a huge amount of money, about £70 Million I think. But it was the biggest load of rubbish I have seen for ages. There were loads of technical problems, and the language was appalling considering lots of children would be watching. The worst thing though was that because comedians  think they are funny we must too. They just weren’t !

Did you know that Prince Charles has his shoe laces ironed before he wears a pair of shoes!

It is also rumoured a manservant puts tooth paste on his tooth brush before he uses it. And something about toilet paper and his bottom!

HUMOUR There is a law firm in leeds called Godloves Solicitors.

it is against the law in Barbados for anyone to wear camouflage clothing. I bet they didn’t see that coming.

Orthodox jews can buy kosher sexual lubricants.

Blond footballers are 15% more likely to score in penalty shootouts than dark haired ones.

Charles Darwins last book was called The Formation of Vegetable Mould through the Action of Worms. I suspect it wasn’t a bestseller.

BT (British Telecom) have just been fined £42 million for internet delays. Their Outreach division, which all other internet providers have to use has been too slow to install superfast internet connections. It has also been told to pay out £300 million in compensation. Outreach made over £3 billion profit last year, not surpising for a monopoly!!!!

BT has just bought the rights for all European football for the next 3 years. Their will be no terrestial availability. The reason they have done this is sell more Broadband packages which include football.  But what is the point buying from a company whose Broadband speeds are worse than a lot of Africa and those of the base camp of Everest. The Broadband speeds generally in the UK are disgraceful and will continue to be so until Outreach loses it’s monopoly status.

Poem attached                                             SUMMER DAYS

 

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FACTORING IN FRIDAY

It’s been a difficult week. The lone terrorist in London creates chaos with a car and a couple of kitchen knives. Just shows you dont need bombs or guns to kill people. In fact how can you protect the population against thing like that. It is important we are able to move around freely (within reason) in a democracy or the terrorists have won. The big difficulty is getting the balance right between security and freedom. We mustnt overreact in these circumstances. I suspect it is actually about right. Ok we may need to tinker with present arrangements but ultimately how can we stop bad people from using cars, buses, lorries to kill. We cant stop them using busy places. Its almost impossible.

Another difficult subject was the death of Martin McGuiness, the one time IRA leader and probably multiple killer. He believed he was a soldier, a freedom fighter. Others believe he was a mass murderer. but the fact is there would not have been a peace process but for him. The hard liners of the Provisional IRA would only  follow him. Not Gerry Adams or anyone else. The most extreme politician on the Prostestant side was the so-called religious man the Rev. Ian Paisley, who at one time stated  “he wouldnt be happy until all Catholics were driven from the 6 counties of Northern Ireland.” They actually became friends and were nicknamed the “Chuckle Bros”. If they could work together surely it was a good thing. Yes, Martin McGuiness was a bad man but did a lot of good in later life. Is that not better than a good man becoming evil ?

How can U-tube justify using adverts from blue chip companies alongside videos showing extreme violence, bigotry, racism. If they cant stop it themselves it should be done for them.

Gwyneth Paltrow says we shouldnt eat octopuses because “they are too smart”. Ive got a better reason. They taste pretty awful!

HUMOUR Americans eat three times as much cheese today as they did in 1970 but they eat nine times as much broccoli as they did in then. Is that good or bad?

Did you know Leo Fender couldnt play the guitar.

Edward Elgar was the band master in a lunatic asylum. Actually I quite like his music!

Did you know the USA doubled in size in 1983 when Ronald Reagan expanded their coastal waters from 30 to 200 nautical miles!

Medical science has now stated while we shouldnt smoke, we should eat sensibly, exercise the main reason we get cancer is just bad luck.

Most popular dog in the uk will soon be the French bulldog overtaking the labrador. But what will happen when we come out of Europe will they all be sent home?

Inflation is now 2.3% and likely to rise in the future. The Government has issued a National savings bond which pays 2.2% p.a. Which they think is a good deal. After 3 years you will be worse off in real terms. Eh!

Watched “Lion” this week. Terrific film based on a true story. Have to admit I shed a tear when he met his mum. Yet again it just goes to show some of the best films an books are based on fact not fiction.

Poem attached.                                         WHO KNOWS

A FUNCTIONAL FRIDAY

Do you remember the two little rich boys who decided to have a referendum on Europe. They lost but did they really ! George Osborne is still an MP but has now taken on other jobs to suppliment his income. He will receive £650,000 a year for one day a week working for Blackrock Investments, earned £786,000 from 14 speeches and today it has been announced he will be Editor of the london Evening Standard, but will continue as an MP. On top of being part of the family business. So he’s doing ok. As is his friend David Cameron who is earning a crust by speech making and is receiving several million pound advance for his memoirs.( This was the football fan by the way who got mixed whether he supports Aston Villa or West Ham because they play in the same colours)

Yes, they are doing well but I’m aware they have got someway to go to catch up with Tony Blair.

So the arrogant Phillip Hammond had a good laugh while delivering his Budget speech last week. What a shame he had to back down from one of his main policies a week later!

Crufts is the annual dog show whereby dogs are dressed up to look like dolls or young children. The winner this year of the working dog section then the overall champion was an American spaniel. It’s hair and make-up were immaculate but I doubt it’s ever seen a field never mind a rabbit or bird. Dogs are outdoor animals who love chasing things and take great delight in getting dirty. It is amazing how even if there is only one puddle on the fields they will drink out out of it then wallow in it. For some reason my dog loves to be on his back. On the fields as I say, on the beach to dry himself after coming out the sea and later when he is asleep.

But back to Crufts the section where they have to run through obstacles, over jumps and through pipes against the clock is fantastic to watch.

Humour—–Until January 2013 it was illegal for women in Paris to wear trousers.

Is a fact that people will gamble more if they are holding a crocodile.

The most common grade awarded at Harvard is an “A”. No surprise there.

Elizabeth the first invented ginger bread men!

The latest McLaren sports car the 720S costing approx £200,000 each says “Hello” when the driver gets in it. It’s the least it should do. Oh, it can also do 212mph as well!

Did you know you can now buy cans of pure oxygen(O2) at £10 for a 22oz can.

If any one cares to come on the beach with me they can get ozone (O3) for nothing..

Finally Yellow is the colour of the season . I won’t be wearing it , it clashes with my eyes.

Humorous Poem (I hope) attached                                                  NO OSCARS FOR ME

 

 

FALSEFIED FRIDAY

Ok its not Friday, I know . This weeks excuse it that I had most of the windows in my house replaced and it just wasnt possible to write when the work was going on and my dog excited because he thought they were just here to entertain him! If you are going to have a reason, ok, excuse, it might as well be a big one as I would expect these windows will last the rest of my life. Unless of, course I move house!

I have a suspicion that spring is almost upon us. Today, Sunday, everyone who has a dog and lives within 20 miles of my local beach decided to walk their dog there. Luckily it was low tide so there was a reasonable amount of space. That was the first sign, secondly geese have been flying overhead in large numbers on their way to their summer feeding grounds. And thirdly there is blossom on trees and flowers are now coming out in abubdance. But have you ever noticed weeds grow faster than plants!

Many , many years ago I went to a Grammar school. My family were working class and I lived in a council house. Grammar school education was decided at 11, but there were opportunities at 13, 15 and 16 for the slower developers to enter later. It was open to all. It was then decided education should  be more open and the better scholars in the system would mix with the lesser ones and the general standards would improve. A lot of Grammar schools were slosed. Exactly the opposite happened!. As the slower learners put more demands on the system they actually dragged the general standard down. However successive governments had they own ideas what was best so the educations systems have changed on a regular basis, generally for the worst. So after fifty odd years since I went to school the latest idea is to open more Grammar schools.

As some of you will know I am a socialist and didnt believe in private education. However I paid for my son to go to the best boys school in the North east of England, Newcastle Royal Grammar school of the few left in the country after the purge. Ok it was against my principles but I felt it was my responsibility as a parent to give my son the best education possible. Actually it was more than that, they were also very disciplined , had the best sports facilities and had a lot of out of school activities. I have never regretted my decsion!

Humour.    Archibald Clark West, the inventor of Doritos, had them sprinkled on his grave. And I always thought they were a Mexican snack!

Did you know a 12.5 stone man contains 110,000 calories. Is that if we eat him. Oh, and by the way cannibalism in the Uk is apparently legal!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The record number of live gold fish swallowing at a single system is 210.

And did you know the perfect coffee should consist of 17.42 units of water for every unit of coffee. Must try it sometime .

POEM (or PROSE whatever you want to call it)             ONLY

 

 

ANOTHER FAILED FRIDAY

I know I have failed yet again! When I first started my blog I intended to publish every friday and I’m failing more often than not. I’m ashamed I like to stick to my word. I’m just so busy, i seem to be continually overtaken by events. It’s been another busy week.My dog Bruce hurt himself on the beach. I think he pulled a muscle in his neck. If you saw him chasing a ball on the beach you wouldn’t be surprised. He sprints after it and flings himself in the air if necessary. But he’s a Labrador weighing in at 42 kg (92lbs) so he is not the most agile of beasts. Just very willing! It was the week end so I couldn’t take him to the vets so I gave him “Calpol” which is a mild painkiller supposed to be used for young children (some vets recommend it as it a lot cheaper than “Metacam” the pets equivalent. It seemed to work anyway . He limped for a few days but is back to normal now.

I missed the backlash of the by elections last week. Theresa May now claims the Conserative party are the “Workers Party”. That just shows the arrogance of the woman. As I referred to her before “The plastic Margaret Thatcher” The trouble is that Margaret Thatcher did actually have a sense of humour something you could never accuse Theresa May of! The best thing that did come out of those elections is that the British Nationalist Party (better known as UKIP) is finished. Stoke on Trent should have been an ideal seat for them to win. They will never win anything now and will be irrevant when we come out of Europe. While I disagreed with virtually everything Nigel Farage stood for at least he had some personality . This Paul Nuttall , the new leader is useless.

The worst thing that came out of it was the pathetic reaction of Labour leader who lost a seat after 80 years. In fact you may ask , what reaction?

HUMOUR -Pee Cola is a popular soft drink in Ghana!  In China Burger King sell PooPoo Smoothies. I think they sell them here too !

The world’s largest and most complete Tyrannosaurus rex skeleton is called Sue. Thats funny my ex-wife is called Sue!!!!!!

Japan has twice as many bank holiday as the UK including “Greenery Day” and “Respect for the Aged Day” (I’m all for that)

Workers in the public sector have a cap of 1% on wages but MP’s are to receive 1.4% and senior judges will receive rises of 11%. Well thats equality for you!

Has Donald Trump been ill? He hasn’t been in the News (at least in the UK) for a couple of days.

And finally I thought the Oscar awards were better this year. At least they got the winning picture wrong that was fun. I did notice we had the first Muslim winner and there seemed to quite a lot more black people winning things. Things are moving in the right direction despite Mr. Trump!

POEM attached                                    dementia