The UK is now vying for “Worst leader in the Western world” I thought the Trump was bad but he has now got a female challenger, The May (or May not). BOth are extremely arrogant , blame anybody who doesn’t agree with them and come across as diffident, awkward insincere people. They are both unable to communicate with ordinary people.Trump still has a lot of power but Theresa May has virtually none left. Time after time she has made mistakes and says she has learnt from . It is obvious she hasn’t. she now has little or no negotiating power in Europe as they nknow she is a lame duck.

Of her fellow Government “friends” she now has the following contenders for her job. “Spread sheet” Phillip Hammond the Comedic Chancellor of Chequer she was going to sack when she got her 100 seat majority( whose job was going to Amanda Rudd.) Amanda Rudd who is lining up a so called dream ticket  with the self styled most intelligent mouse-man in the government (or is it the world) Michael Gove. More like a nightmare ticket!!!!. The colourless David Davis, our Brexit minister who couldn’t negotiate his way out of a paper bag is another potential leader as is our favourite clown, Boris Johnson Who who adopted the”Theresa May tactic” of sitting on the fence. What choices! Probably the best way of selecting the new leader who be to put all the names in a hat!

Madonna now 58, has a new toy-boy , Aloubar Soumaho, a model. He is in his 20’s I think. Any younger and they will be boys. Wonder what her daughter Loudres, now 20 thinks. I suppose Madonna uses them for sex and they get to be a bit famous for a while. sad really.

Apparently its been the hottest for 40 years in England this week. In England they mean London or the Southern counties , the rest of the country doesnt really count but we sometimes get weather too.

Apparently Amazon now lets you try on a dress before you buy. That’s what I’ve been waiting to hear for ages!!!!!!!!!

Some Barclays bankers are being investigated over breaking financial rules during the banking crisis . It only 10 years ago now.

HUMOUR—- The average London pigeon has 1.6 feet.

90% of the world lives in the Northern hemisphere. Probably because it’s 1.5degrees C warmer thgan the Southern hemisphere.

Scatomancy is telling the future by looking at turds. I might be good at that as I’m picking up dog turds all day!

INTERESTING OLD WORDS—— Poppycock meaning nonsense

Cahoots meaning partnership or in league in something suspicious.

Collywobbles meaning pain in the stomachor extreme nerves or apprehension.

A £900 million contract has been given to the  Derby factory of Bombardier to build 750 railway carriages for British rail. The last contract for over a £1million went to to a German company , Siemens. The only catch , Bombardier are a Canadian company.

53% of British sheds have wi-fi. The shed is a a very British thing and I believe any person who retires and has a garden should be given a shed when they retire! A man needs somewhere to hide away from the house when he gets older!

Poem attached                                          I’M BEGINNING TO THINK IT’S ME





Firstly the absolutely sensational news that broccoli has been voted the most popular vegetable in Btitain. That does surprise me. Although I have heard that parents have sold it to their small children as miniture trees making it somehow more attractive. I remember my son didnt like brussel sprouts but did like cabbage so I told him brussel sprouts were only miniture cabbages which did the trick.

Second in the poll was sweetcorn and third tomato. Cacrrot was only fifth most popular and cauliflower down at eighth. Surprising results I thought.

That leads me onto the fact that 80% of British people dont eat the recommended 5 veg a day. Only 18% do. Im a type 2 diabetic and I must eat at least a dozen fruit and veg a day. No wonder obesity is getting all the time in this country.

And now a gripe , Thames Water is a company owned by an Australiancompany, a Kuwati co., Abu Dhabi, Canadian and Chinese company. So it must be a worthwhile investment borne out by paying out dividends of £100million pounds this year. Apparently it hasnt paid any tax since 2006 although it has been fined £29m for leaking pipes. So it profitable , why is iot not British owned ofr even in the public sector. How can foreign companies control our water supplies for the capital city?

Now it is time to mention our latest disaster, the third in a short time for London. The reason it burnt so quickly , spread so quickly needs to be found out as quickly as possible. there are 4000 similar multi stories in this country . How are the tenants going to feel knowing they could also be living in a death trap. Something has gone wrong, the people responsible need to be brought to justice whatever level they are at . In the meantime the poor people who died, who were trapped and missing and all the friends and relatives involved deserve enormous sympathy. The ordinary people who have contibuted clothes, food , all sorts of things and the police and firemen were magnificent. Politicians and civil servants have yet to do so. This should never have happened in the 5th richest country in the world! The victims need and deserve answer.

I cant remember if I have told you that I live in one of the most beautiful counties in England, Northumberland. It is the most Northerly English county and borders Scotland. It is the least populated and and has a magnificent coastline of beaches. They are not for lying on , they are for bracing walks and dogwalking. They are cold even in summer. We have the highest number of ancient castles , ruined and some still in use. On the border with Scotland is the Cheviot Hills, a wild and desolate range of hills. In the South is the river Tyne and the mainly unspoiled Hadrians Wall built by the Romans nearly 2000 years ago. The hinterland of Nothumberland is mainly moors but contains the largest man made lake in Europe, Keilder water. In that area , one of the darkest places in Europe is Keider Observatory. We are a sanctuary for the red squirrel, one of the last in England. And the jewel in the crown is the city of Newcastle-upon- Tyne. A city of beautiful architecture, the regional home of art, music and culture, restaurants supplyng food from all over the world. A popular University city with a vibrant nightlife.

Poem attached.                             TRY AGAIN



Ok the election is over but it was so close we are likely to have another soon! I was up until 3 o’clock this morning and I’m shattered.

I will things up quickly, losers were Theresa May , found guilty of sheer arrogance. Thought because labour were nearly 20% behind in the polls she would win by a land slide. Wrong! UKIP voters did not all vote Tory this time , half voted Labour.  The people did not believe she was either strong and stable. She was the opposite and if she had any courage whatsoever she would think of the country rather than herself and resign. Guily as charged!

Nicola  Sturgeon, leader of SNP believes that losing a third of her seats is still actually a victory! Another referendum is now dead in the water.  She is also guilty of arrogance along with Alex Salmond and Angus Robertson, ex SNP MP’s!

Paul Nuttall. UKIP leader has already resigned, guilty of having little or no ability.

Successes,  Jeremy Corbyn , who nobody gave a prayer (including me) ran a brilliant campaign and invigorated young people to vote.

Ruth Davison, Scottish Tory leader who also ran an excellent campaign and saved the Tories from a worse result.

Tim Fallon, Lib-Dem leader who ran a terrible campaign, guilty of being extremely lucky and increasing their number of seats.

For those who actually read my blog my forecasts last week were pretty close to what happened. Apart from Theresa May resigning which wont be long coming.

So election over , for now, the television might actually have proper programmes again.

English Heritage want people to vote on the best inventions of all time. Candidates are, Teabags, The wheel, The fridge, sewers, The plough, Penicillin, The internet, Armour, light bulbs and the clock. Personally I’m torn betwween tea bags and the wheel!

THe top uni’s in the world are now all American, Massachusetts Institute of Technology, Stanford, Harvard and the California Institute of Technology. Then Engish Uni’s ,Cambridge, Oxford and University college and Imperial college both London.

HUMOUR More than 80,000 bartenders in the USA have university degrees.

a survey in 1943 found that the top tip for a successful marriage was actually “liking” your partner.

Winston Churchill was a druid and Jimi Hendrix was a paratrooper.

Madonnawas sacked from dunkin donuts for squirting customers with jam.

Apparently Donald Trump doesn’t tell lies. Well thats the first one!

George Clooney and his wife named their new-born twins Ella and Alexander. For once celebrities have given their kids proper names. Very sensible!

A  pensioner in England stopped people from speeding in her village by aiming a hair dryer at their car. They slowed down immediately as they thought it was a speeding device.

Diane Abbott, the Labour shadow home secretary stepped down with three days to go in the elction campaign. Apparently she was ill. Is that another word for incompetent?

Last week there was the first shark attack in British waters by a 3ft smooth hound shark. It attacked a surfer and he hurt his hand by punching it. His wife didnt believe him and thought he was just making an excuse for being late.

Poem Attached         THE TARN




Well its nothing like a Friday cos its a Monday. An extremely wet one at that. Ive been off the air because Ive changed my broadband company which proved to be a lot more difficult than I anticipated. Communication companies (telecons, internet, broadbank etc) appear to be the worst at communicating when by their very nature they should be the best!. Anyway I’m back eventually.

Since I was last here there have been two more terrorist attacks, in Manchester and London. Are terrorists really as stupid as they seem to be. No matter what horrendous crimes the perpetrators commit the British will not give in to violence. Manchester was particularly bad as they had targetted a young audience out to enjoy themselves at a pop concert. How they believe they are doing it for Islam beats me. Did they really think  the indiscriminate killing of children and innocent people out to enjoy themselves. How do they know they are not killing Moslems anyway. In the latest London attack did they ask people what religion they were before they stabbed them. How did they know  Moslems weren’t uin the audience in Manchester. The only good thing is that they all the terrorists are dead. Are their families proud of them or are they they not bothered what the think. I believe that 99% of the Moslems in the Uk are peaceable  but those 99% must do more to try to stop these incidents happening. Two things the British mustn’t do is overreacr and have a Moslem backlash and secondly arm all our police force.

A Cambridge professor is claiming Jilly Cooper is as good a writer as Charles Dickens and that she is todays Jane Austen.  What a joke!

Babies born today are likely to live to 104. What sort of changes are they going to see in their lifetimes I wonder.

I hate to see people who are really good at what they do carry on regardless. Tiger Woods is an example. Once the best golfer in the world now in the news last week for being found  asleep in his car at three in the morning  with the engine running, in the middle of a highway. No alcohol in his blood but a cocktail of prescription drugs.  He needs to retire and disappear from the public eye. The same applies to Arsene Wenger the Arsenal manager. He has done a fantastic job over the last 20 years and has nothing to prove. But he wants to go on for another 2 years when his day is clearly done.

In another field where talented people go on too long is music and I do a bit about that next week.

HUMOUR 5% of cats are allegic to humans!

In 1849 the Viceroy of Egypt gave London Zoo a hippo in exchange for a greyhound. Wonder if the hippo won many races?

Vikings who died in bed rather than in battle went to a special afterlife where it was always foggy.

And so we will have our general election next week . The gap between Tories and Labour is quite close. It is likely now to be a lot closer than anyone forecast. Theresa May is quite cacable of snatching defeat from the jaws of victory. She has run a campaign on her strong and stable leadership and the only other Tory politician used in the campaogn was her home secretary, Amanda Rudd. She thought the rest were so useless they were kept in a cupboard out of sight. Jeremy Corbyn came across much better than anyone anticipated, but again is backed up by 2nd raters, John McDonnell, shadow chancellor, Emily Thornberry, shadow foreign secretary, and the biggest joke of the whole campaign, Diane abbott, who is just a shadow!!!.

The rest, Lib-dem leader, Tim Farron, has been hopeless, Ukip just an irrelavance and the rest just made up the numbers.  The Scottish Labour party (SNP to you and me), Nicola Sturgeon is starting to tread water while the one who has probably impreesed the most is Ruth Davison, leader of the Scottish Tories.

And the result, the Tories by a short head , Labour and rest just behind meaning the Tories will have a smaller majority and Theresa May will be forced to resign. The new leader will be decided by putting names in a hat. And Brexit, negotiations willl go on and on until we all lose interest. All I can say is “Rule Britannia”

Poem attached, pretty rubbish I’m afraid                 GONE FISHING