FORMIDABLY FRIDAY

Have you ever been unhappy with your first name? Ive never actually been unhappy with my name Derek but have noticed when it it is used in books or Tv (dont think it  has ever made films) the person is a nerd or pathetic or just inadequate. I have certainly never heard of Derek in super hero terms. Now Im not complaining too much as the abbreviations for the name are relatively harmless, Del or Dekka. My surname is Wake. Quite an unusual name,  apparently originally from a man who woke people up to go to woke, a wakeman. Checking the  electorate register I found there were ony 11 Derek Wake’s in the UK. However I have a middle name, Livingstone. It is a Scottish name on my mothers side. I was alsoborn in Scotland. So my name Derek Livingstone Wake is unique in the UK.

The most common names last year were:- BOYS Oliver, Harry and George. GIRLS:-Olivia, Amelia and Emily. All pretty old fashioned names. In fact most of the top 10 of both boys and girls are old fashioned except the most common boys name if you included the various spelling would have been Muhammad, a sign of the times.

The destruction by storms Irma and Maria is just mind boggling. Some of the smaller islands have been devastated and will take years to rebuild. And the earthquake in Mexico. Tragic natural disasters. We are so lucky in the UK the only thing we get occasionally is flooding and few people will lose their lives.

HUMOUR-When the infant Mozart first rose to prominence some members of the Royal Society thought he was a dwarf. As a child he was terrified of trumpets!

The “izikhothane” are a South African gang who meet in carparks, cover themselves in custard and burn wads of cash. Sounds like fun!!!!!

Bananas have more trade regulatios than AK-47 rifles but they tend to kill less people!

How can Google, Facebook, Twitter, U-tube and Microsoft justify showing items like How to make car bombs, explosives and detonators, hate videos of all kinds and executions. In the Uk they make huge profits but virtually pay no taxes. If they cant react and delete this material why dont they just charge or even imprison board directors for incitement of violence. They have so much money fining them is useless.

It really must be stopped.

OLD WORDS OUT OF FASHION,

EAR-RENT– Figurative cost of listening to trivial talk. Of course it was!

TREMBABLE– Causing dread or horror.

HUGGER-MUGGER– Concealment, secrecy, clandestinely. I thought it might have been somebody who gave you a hug then mugged you.

SNOUT-FAIR–Fair faced, handsome. I thought somebody with a big nose!

PEACOCKIZE– To pose or strut. Naturally!

Travel by RYANAIR, the biggest airline in Europe. We’ll get you there but can’t guarantee we’ll be able to fly you home. This is the airline that cancelled 2000 flights but not taking any responsibility to get customers home. Huge fine required please.

Humorous poem(I hope)                                      YOU CANT WIN ‘EM ALL

 

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FECKLESSLY FRIDAY

Walks on the beach are getting colder now. Flip flops hung up for another year and shorts are still ok as long as I walk quickly. It is colder in the mornings and evenings and there is definitely a Autumnal feeling in the air. I have picked lots of wild blackberries when walking bruce in the fields. No one seems to bother picking them any more. Most of them will just rot on the bushes. Such a waste! Trees arent changing colour yet but I suspect they will in the next few weeks. Its often a lovely time of the year. just a case of wearing more clothes.

Whats happened this week? Another missile from North Korea launched over Japan. Will any action be taken? I doubt it , lots of words but very little action. Ethnic cleansing in Mynamar (Burma) Action ? Words at UN. Fights between British and German football fans. Nothing different there. The wall to keep Mexicans out of the US and getting Mexico to pay for it ?  No chance. Britain reacting quickly to aid Anguila and the Virgin Isles after hurricane Irma. Again no chance. We were much slower than the French in St. Martins. Also we cant use our overseas aid fund for so called rich countries but can use it to help China, India and the corrupt African nations. Nonsense. All in all very little change in the world.

HUMOUR Human rights were invented in Iran. Do you think they have forgotten?

In 2002 the US military developed a sandwich that stayed fresh for three years. But it probably tasted like shit!

Rice Crispies in Germany go ” Knisper, Knasper, Knusper” How do they manage to teach them German?

More humour. The RSPCA were called out to rescue a reptile from a home in in Coventry. It was 7 inches long and 2 inches wide and looked very ferocious! It was under a bed and when they finally coaxed it out they found it was a pink stripey sock! Apparently this species of lizard is harmless!

Another laugh. a hairdresser in Birmingham was fined £2,000 for using the wrong colour of bin bag. Three officials had to visit her premises and a 57 page report was produced as evidence.

Actually more humour. Dont know whats wrong with me this week!  When the bank of Mum and Dad lend their children money a survey found they very rarely get their money back. It didnt take a survey to tell us Mams and Dads that surely!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The rest of the world might be going to pot but at least elephants are acting sensibly. Apparently they are becoming nocturnal to avoid poachers. Good for them.

Finally some old English words that have gone out of fashion.

Ambodexter- One who takes bribes from both sides. Im surprised that went out of fashion!

Betrump- Deceit, cheat, deceive. THat could easily come back into fashion!

Slug-A-Bed- A lazy bastard.

Quacksalver- a person who claims he knows about medicine

Rouzy- Bouzy- Could have guessed that was boisterously drunk

More words to come next week.

SHORT STORY rather than a poem attached.     A STITCH IN TIME

 

 

 

FIXATION FOR FRIDAYS

Its been a strange week in a way and a routine one in other ways.

The Brexit negotiations continue as normal with both sides calling each other for lack of progress. The British political parties continue to disagree in knowing what they actually want. Some seem to think we just come out and things will be pretty much the same as before except immigration will be reduced to next to nothing and we will control all our laws again. And we wont have to pay very little to come out. that is called the Conservative policy. The Labour party policy is things will be pretty much the same as before. Hopefully! The other parties including the Scottish national party dont actually matter. Where they are all united is that when we do actually leave, Westminister will be able to waste our money rather than way Europe. Wonderful.

Now that I have mentioned SNP the leader Nicola Sturgeon has actually given up quoting facts  and is now promising the voters her own totally unrealistic wish list. She is in cloud cuckoo land. Come to think of it she is just joining Trump, Theresa May and Jeremy Corbyn in the “if you believe something sufficiently long enough” land it must be true!

Something that makes total sense is that St. Laurent, Gucci and Christian Laurent are going to give up using ultra skinny models. Bravo!

Scientists have worked out lack of sleep causes anxiety and depression. You dont need to be a scientist to work that out!

How is it we spend a fortune on sophisticated weaponry, space travel but we have no control over Hurricanes, Typhoons, Earthquakes etc. Can we not spend a lot more money on natural weather causes. Irma has totally destroyed some of the islands in its way and is headed towards Florida. I feel totally sorry for all the people involved.

HUMOUR There are more statues of lions in the world than there are real lions.

The bibbest dam built by beavers is twice as big as the Hoover dam in the US.

In 2007 210,000 Americans were injured by lawnmowers.

The Chilean word for plumber is “gasfiter”

The Government has announced there will be yet another consultation on a 3rd Heath Row runway. Which means it is not going to be built in my lifetime.

My only surprise about Wayne Rooney’s latest drink driving escapade is that people are surprised.

I’m really surprised that Aung San Sui Kyi, the leader of Myanmar (the old Burma) who was kept under house arrest for twenty odd years by the Military Government, and who won the nobel Peace prize dismissed the mass exodus of Muslims as down to terrorists.146,000 Rohinga people have fled to Bangladesh. Their villages have been destroyed by their own people according to her. Not the ruling Buddhist party of course.

Finally 1 in 10 people in the UK believe the Earth started with Adam and Eve not according to Darwin’s theory of evolution.

Poem attached          ALL IN THE MIND

 

 

 

 

FREQUENTLY FRIDAY

Well I know I missed last Friday but I promise it was my last miss of the year. my holiday scedule for 2017 has now been completed and it is now a long run in to 2018. My last week was spent in the Yorkshire dales, staying in two villages Settle and Hawes. Hawes in particular is pretty and was enveloped in flowers especially hanging baskets. I had the feeling they were almost compulsory! We stayed in two pubs,  the Lion in Settle and the Fountain in Hawes. Both good in a way but the Lion seemed to be trying to overwhelm us with their prodigious portions of good food. I would also thoroughly recommend  the food in the White Hart in Hawes. I would also suggest the consumption of Thwaites, Theakstons and Black Sheep beers should be manditory in that area. Also there was two local musicians in the White Hart who seem to know some decents songs and were able to find their way round their guitar strings adequately. Suffice it to say we entered the pub at 6 o clock intent on one pint and left at closing time, so they must have been reasonably good!

The beauty of walking is that it doesnt cost anything but it is also good for body and soul. I am an agnostic but being in beautiful countryside especially mountains, tarns and waterfalls makes you wonder who created them and i suppose God is as good a guess as anyone! (is that sacrilege?, dont mean it to be) I have to say after being in Norway only 3 weeks ago the waterfalls and the mountains in the Dales were fairly small fry in comparison. Still beautiful though.

Humour-during the Second World War Lucozade was made from conkers! Did it still make you better?

Cleopatra’s needle was 1000 years old when Cleopatra was born!

For the last 3 months of his life, US President James Garfield had to be fed everything though his anus. At least he didnt speak through it like the current President!

The first ever webcam was in the computer lab at Cambridge Uni. it was trained on the coffee pot in the corridor to save the scientists making pointless trips when it had run out. And its been downhill ever since!

To those that have this blog before will know I support Newcastle United, a supposedly top English football team. We have not won a domestic trophy for 62 years and any trophy for 48 years. 50,000 people watch every home game and we take up every away ticket available. The only reason I can think why I have watched them for 56 years now is because it has made me a better person. I’m a good loser. I’d probably prefer to be a bad winner but I dont really get that choice. Again this season we are in a state of disarray and only 4 games have been played. Being a loser is good for the soul. It is like wearing a hair shirt. But hey ho football is only a game after all. I must keep telling myself that.

The Houston disaster is awful and you really have to feel for people who lose their homes. “Disaster Barbie” Trump obviously feels for them too. Her and her husband went to visit the disaster victims. She was originally dressed in jacket, trousers and her crocodile skin ultra high heels but she changed into a white shirt , black trosers and immaculate white tennis shoes. She obviously wasnt going anywhere near the water then!

Poem attached                                        .THE CORNER SWEET SHOP