Yes, Its Friday again.

When I used to work, it seems many moons ago now, I used to like today as it was the start of the weekend, Saturday and Sunday off! But now it is just like any other day. It hasnt got the same appeal somehow. I dont even get lie-ins any more. Thats what happening a dog does. He doesnt know the difference, he just wants his early walk to go and pick up the paper from the news agents.

So whats happened this week in the world!  Firstly, we had the first bitcoin robbery in the UK.Burglars stole a businessman’s bitcoins. Perfect crime really as they aren’t real, existing only in cyberspace. Can you be guilty of stealing something that doesn’t exist. I wonder.

I used to fancy Olivia Newton John, the singer of Grease fame. And Meg Ryan too. But since they both had plastic surgery or botox (or both) they now both look like fish. And who can fancy a fish.

Talking about fish (well not really becos its a mammal)  Apparently they have taught a Orca whale to say Hello and Bye bye. Bet it really wants to say “Fuck off and just leave me alone” I would!

A road safety campaigner in the UK this week mounted the pavement and knocked down the man who was having an affair with his wife. I suspect he might lose his job!

A woman in Brighton this week put a cardboard box in a communal recycling bin. As it was the wrong type of bin and she didn’t have a waste disposal contract she was fined £600. She would have done better by just throwing it over the nearest hedge! She would have been fined less!

The big problem is that stockpiles of rubbish are now building up as China doesn’t want our rubbish anymore.

HUMOUR There is a French law that stops people answering e-mails after 6-00.

The first person to go over the Niagara falls in a barrel and survive was a 63 year-old woman.

Tutankhamun was the only ancient Egyptian who was mummified with an erect penis!

His parents incidentall y were brother and sister.

Well done Roger Federer winning Aussie Open , his 20th Grand Slam. Looks as if he could go on for a while yet.

Phillip Glass an American big game hunter believes killing animals in cold blood is helping consevation. The cash he pays helps protect the African wilds. The going rate is $20k for a leopard and $50k for lion.This man shot a young elephant twice but still didnt kill it. So he lit a cigarette and watched it die! Apparently the Bible permits killing animals. For food I would suspect. Why dont we drop him in the African bush naked but give him a knife to make it fair. Idiot!

Piers Morgan, the arrogant TV presenter interviewed Donald Trump this week. He asked Donald Trump if he was a genius and of course trump agreed. It was the most sycophantic interview. Asking questions that allowed him to spout self evident crap. A proper journalist is supposed to ask searching questions and push the interviewee into real answers. But then Piers morgan thinks he is a genius too.

Oh and by the way Trump apparently cheats at golf. He claims his average score is 68.  A golf pro who has played with him thinks there is people who throw balls on the fairway as all his drives are straight. He claims he is a brilliant putter but never puts out.

Poem attachedAS AN ELEPHANT (previously Body Slows etc and When not if! )



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