Its supposed to be spring , in fact it WAS officially this week. but it is still freezing and the plants in my garden are about 2 months behind where they were last year. Easter is next week and apparently we are due more snow on Good Friday. This seems to have been the longest winter i can remember, 5 months and counting!

Noel Gallagher and his brother Liam , of Oasis fame hate each other1 .but a saying Noel said about his brother this week amused me. He said “he’s like a man with a fork in a world of soup” Nice one I thought.

In the UK we have fruit machine which take a stake of £100 per 20 secs. This works out at £18,000 per hour. People are getting into debt using them as they are addictive. the government are going to change the law to only allow £30 every 20 secs., only £5,400 an hour. Why dont they really reduce it to £5 every 20 secs. IT would still be far to high!

What a great story. a man bought a photo off E-bay for £7. Turns out it is a photo of Jesse James, the American outlaw taken in the early 1860’s. It is worth something like £2 million. What great luck!

We British like to even now keep our standards up. Men will not be allowed in at Royal Ascot this year without socks. Quite right too. Shoes without socks are really uncomfortable anyway.

Now we are coming out of Europe we are changing the colour of our passports to blue. Our wonderful prime minister things this is a great statement but most of the population dont care what colour they are! The contract over 10 years is worth £490 million. just to change the colour. But even worse the contract is likely to go to a Dutch -French company. The Home Secretary , Amber Rudd apparently signed off the contract without even knowing who’d won it. How on earth can we allow a foreign country to print our passports. Yes there’s was the cheaper price but if the British company, De La Rue got it they would employ more men who would pay taxes which go into the public purse. Also the foreign company who won the contract have financial problems and arte being partly taken over by the French government. Absolute stupidity!!!!!!!

Facebook owner, Mark Zuckerberg has had a terrible week. His company have been passing on info relating to 50,000,0000 customers without their knowledge. But the worst thing is , beacause the shares in the company have gone down he has lost £5 billion. He is now down to his last £43 billion. You really have to feel sorry for him don’t you?

HUMOUR- Clams can live for 400 years.

Not on my beach can they!

This is really useful! A grasshopper becomes more sociable if you stroke its hind legs. But I dont know what it means by – mor sociable.

Palm trees are a type of grass.

Lava lamps were invented by an accountant whose hobby was making underwater nudist films EH?

Finally it wouldn’t be a blog these days without a mention of our Donald. This week he is putting an embargo on Chinese goods and they are doing the same with US goods. He is going to execute all drug dealers, and his son is getting divorced because he has had an affair with a Playboy model. The Trumps have got a great reputation with women have they?

Poem attached     SCHOOL HOLIDAYS




Im going to start with old words:_

SPUNKY- Courageous, brave.

SQUITS- To be even with someone , to be equal.

DIMWIT- Stupid person, simpleton.

DIPPY- Silly or a bit crazy.

Unilever is a huge Anglo Dutch conglomerate making detergents, soap powders, margarine etc. They are moving their headquarters from London to Rotterdam not because of Brexit but because the British Government is not prepared to protect British companies when they are targetted for takeover by foreign companies. Kraft recently tried to take over Unilever and the company were not helped in any way by the Government. They will be in the future under Dutch laws. The French and Germans are also very protective of their companies. The British are not!

Donald Trump sacked his Secretary of State, Rex Tillerson by twitter. Now I really dont know if he was a good Secretary of State or not but surely a man in such a important role should be sacked face to face. Apparently he disagreed with Trump a lot but that didnt work as to get on in the administration you have to be a “Yes” man (sorry or woman). What a coward Trump is.

Talking about cowards leads me of course to Theresa May. Those nasty Russians have upset her by trying to murder somebody on our soil. We have responded by expelling 23 diplomats (or as they are better none “spies”). They have responded by expelling 23 of our “spies”( sometimes called diplomats) . Today I read we are going to stop the Russians laundering dirty money in this country. As i said last week we might not play in their World Football Cup. We are definitely not sending any royalty or government ministers to watch any games. If we knew they have been murdering Russians on our soil and knew they were laundering money and had lots of spies here why is it we are now so upset we are going to do something about it. We might even stop rich people buying their caviar! That’ll teach them. Oh by the way the Government might have forgotten Russia supplies 20% of our natural gas. I hope not it is freezing here yet again.

Finally on the matter Gavin Williamson, our Defence Minister, a boy who thinks he can do a mans job has told nasty Russia “to go away and shut up”. Most of the leaders of our own armed forces think he is a joke. So he has blown any chance of a job in the diplomatic service I reckon.

May I add Putin cant be that bad a man as he has a labrador dog!

Sensational news. Paul McCartney , ex Beatle has stopped dying his hair. It is now his natural orange grey colour. You when the Beatles were on the go John Lennon and him wrote some of the best songs of modern time. Since then in the last 40 years he has managed Mull and Kintyre and the “Froggie Song”. Shame really.

Sad news this week of the death in Stephen Hawkins, who was a genuine genius, diagnosed with Motor Neurones Disease in 1964 but did fantastic work despite his handicap. Also a comic genius in Sir Ken Dodd at the age of 90. He will also be sadly missed.

Finally a TV football pundit, Jamie Carragher  this week was caught on camera spitting at a car driver who annoyed him. Unfortunately he spat on the man’s 14 yr old daughter. He has apologised profusely. The man is not fit to be seen in public life again . He has been suspended but should be sacked. What an example to set anybody not just football fans. Disgusting.

Poem attached     BOOKS






Well for me its been an interesting week. Ive become a grandfather for the second time now have a grandson as well as a grand daughter. He was huge (well I thought he was) 10 lb 9 ounces. Ive always thought when babies were born they looked pretty much the same. people would say “it looks just like uncle Fred or just like its father. I could never see the resemblances. But Felix (apparently Latin for good) looks like his mother and his sister and I can see it for once. because he is so big , long actually, he just looks older than new born. Anyway both my daughter and him are doing well.

Also last Friday we had several inches of snow on the ground. It has now totally gone and today is like a spring day. But, as some of you might know I walk on the local beach most days. When the weather was really bad I took my dog on the fields instead. I live on the East coast of England and the wind was blowing directly from the Arctic onto our coast. It has totally  destroyed our beach. Unusually high tides and gale force winds have removed all the sand and left a rocky shoreline. Not shingle but huge rocks. Also there were dead bodies of all sorts of sealife. Porpoises, seals, octopuses (I hope thats the right plural) fish, crabs all sorts of creatures and debris.

So back at home there is a suspicion the Russians have attacked a Russian double agent and his daughter with nerve gas. I say suspicion because at least 13 Russian businessmen who have fallen out with Putin or some of their British associates have died in strange circumstances. Committed suicide,  fallen off balconies been poisoned etc. The Government appear to have turned a blind eye until this last one. But now our clown of a foreign minister said we will take strong action if this latest incident is proven to be Russian generated. Do you know what the strong action is. We may pull out of the World Cup and not allow Prince William to go. BIG DEAL  They are really going to worry about  losing a second rate country with no chance of winning arent they!

Yet more hypocrisy. The Crown Prince of Saudi Arabia is visiting the Uk and the red carpet is out for him. Never mind their appalling civil rights record and their treatment of women.(although they are now allowed to drive and attend sports events) We are after selling them aircraft and weapons. Weapons they have been using to bomb civilians in Yemen by the way!

Our prison system is working well! Apparently prisoners can order drugs on mobile phones which they arent allowed to have to deliver drugs to their cell windows by drone.

Humour There is no mentions of salad in the Bible Apparently it wasnt invented then!

Bananas have more trade regulations than AK-47’s.  Less effective in battles!

The original Popeye  got his strength from rubbing a magic hen. But then along came along the Spinach Marketing Board.

Hula Hoops are not kosher.

Stop Press  Donald Trump to meet Kim Jong-Un. What fun that will be two egotistical people. That is a heavy weight bout how are they going to get their heads into the same room. No doubt it will be a sick making praising of each other. And I thought Piers Morgan and Donald trump was bad!!!

Poem attached A HAPPY MAN


Im a little anxious . My daughter has been in labour for several hours now and im just waiting for news. I know it is going to be a  boy just hope they are both ok. I wonder if I will live long enough for him to make a mark on the world. My grand daughter is 4 and I think the same about her. They will leave an indelible mark on me anyway as they are my kith and kin but I wonder if they will be high achievers. Who knows.

Im also missing a friend who is several thousand miles away. There is a hole in my life.

Im going to start this week with some more old words i have collected.

PALAVER A fuss, bother.  Such as, What a palaver.

FLIBBERTIGIBBET.  An irresponsibleor flighty person.

RIGMAROLE. A fussy or timewasting procedure.

SKIVE. To shirk or evade work.

Hypocrisy at work. The Football Association (FA) have signed a memorandum of understanding with Qatar. By the way homosexuality is illegal there so does that mean no Gays will be allowed to go to the World Cup?

Equality at work. Did you know only one woman has won the “Best Director Award” at the Oscars in the last 89 years. Greta Gerwig is nominated this year for “Lady Bird” this year but dont hold your breath!

Now 1/2 a glass of wine a day raises the risk of dementia. just a few months ago a glass of wine a day was supposed to be good for you .I wish they would make their minds up. Who do you believe. I would suggest moderaration is everything makes the most sense. A little of what we enjoy must be good for our general wellbeing.

Hypocrisy at work. The ceasefire in Syria. The UN agrees to a cease fire in Syria including Russia. So what happens , nothing. The Russians bomb the “Terrorists” and if they hide behind civilians or in hospitals they bomb them too. Putin does exactly as he likes. And the truth is the USA does nothing because Trump doesnt particularly care what happens in Syria!

UK sport spent £32 million on the Winter Olympics. We won 5 medals , three in the Skeleton and finished 19th in the medal table. It cost us £6.4 million per medal. The skeleton team was funded with £6.5 million. we have no tracks in the UK and the number of participants is less than 100. Backetball and badminton have 100,000’s of players but receive no funding at all as they are are not likely to win an medals. Also Ice hockey is a popular sport in the UK and we dont even send a team to the Winter Olympics. Ridiculous.

What was Tom Watson, deputy leader of the Labour Party doing receiving £500,000 from Max Mosley, son of Oswald Mosley , wartime leader of the British Fascist Party.Even though Mosley “claimed” not to be a Fascist any more I suspect he is still a rascist. It was tainted money at best and Tom Watson should return it!

POEM attached                    ALWAYS