FALSIFYING FOR FRIDAY

Yet again I have missed Friday and will again next week as i’m off to Paris. I have been retired from work for 7 years now but I reckon I’m busier now than I,ve ever been. So when people tell you they are retired it doesn’t necessarily mean they sit around all day reading or watching the TV. It might be exactly the opposite.

Have just seen on Facebook a woman posing with a dead leopard. She calls herself Britanny L. Apparently it was the 9th largest -ever leopard. She must be very proud to have killed such a beautiful creature. I would love to see her turned loose in the same area and the leopards chase her. Oh, sorry I,m not really allowed to say that. Sorry. Ok. I would give her 5 minutes start on the leopards!

Sooty the TV puppet is 70 this year . so is Prince Charles.They are both members of the Magic Circle. I get mixed up between them but I reckon Sooty is the more sensible even though he squirted Charles’s father Prince Phillip with a water pistol.  Prince Phillip was not amused but the Queen was!!!

Last word on Serena Williams. You should not talk to ANYONE like she talked to the umpire no matter what. It is called good manners . Clearly she hasn’t got any. And she certainly didn’t think about her 20 year old opponent at the other end! Incidentlly she got fined $17,000 out of her $1.7m prize money. And the umpire, he was paid £375!

HUMOUR The following are all labels on products,

Do not attempt to stop blade with your hands—— On a chainsaw.

This product should not be used as a dental drill—–On a DIY power drill.

Wearing of this product does not enable you to fly——On a Superman costume.

Remove child before folding———On a baby buggy.

Sign of the times- Only two European nations are fatter than the UK. Turkey and Malta. Judged in a table of obesity.

Paul McCartney and John Lennon were probably the best and most prolific modern song writers of all time. Paul McCartney has a new CD out called “Egypt Station” If it wasn’t him it wouldn’t sell. trust me, apart from one or two reasonable tacks it is rubbish. In fact he hasn’t produced anything wothwhile for thirty years. Before that was “Ebony and Ivory” with Stevie Wonder,”Silly love Songs”, “Jet,” Band on the Run”. The last three about forty years ago! There were also some other reasonable ones but nothing like the genius songs he produced earlier. Sad really. He has been living on past glories for a long time now.

After this farce of the two Russians who poisoned people in Salisbury claiming they were just tourists and being backed up by Putin we need to take some action. The Russians who have bought large houses in London and have huge ill-gotten gains in British banks should have ggod and money confiscated or transfered back to russian. We all know it is dirty money. But the British Government is frightened to do so as it will hurt house prices and effect banks business. We have taken pathetic sanctions against Russia so far. it’s about time we did somthing that might actually hurt Putin and his cronies!

POEM attached           MUSIC TO MY EARS

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FLUCTUATING FROM FRIDAY

The boss of one of the UK’s smaller bank’s TSB has had horrendous internet problems in the last few months. Thousands of customers were unable to pay bills or withdraw money via the internet. So the chairman resigned. But he was entitled to a full years salary of £1.2 plus a bonus of £0.5 million. Also he may be entitled to a share of another £1.2. And this is for failure!.

I was sad to hear of the death of broadcaster Rachael Bland who died of breast cancer this week. She was a very brave and inspirational woman who did a podcast with two fellow sufferers of cancer right up till her death at the age of 40. It was called You, me, and the big C. She and the other two ladies had brilliant senses of humour and it shone through for Rachael until the end. She will be sadly missed.

Two things interconnected. There are at least 800,000 paedophiles using the internet and social media in the UK

secondly , a girl of 13 was murdered this week. Facebook will not release the password of the chief suspect, to check on his activity on the site. They have to force them through the courts to release this info. It may take 6 months. Just say this man strikes again and kills  another young girl. They will say sorry  no doubt, the most useless word in the English language in these circumstances.

Companies in the uk are going to be advised to have at least two women on the short list for jobs. But Kate ndrews, from the Institute of Economic Affairs states this wont actuallt help women. A quota system which is enforced robs women of the sense of achievement.

Talking about women i read this week about Sam, the man who wanted to be  a woman.So he had treatment and became Samantha, but he changed his mind and had more treatment and became Charles. But……..you guessed it He (She) wanted to become a woman again! She (he) is now Samantha (again). She is a lawyer so was able to pay for the total treatment of £150,000. But I wonder what her two kids thought of this!

HUMOUR- Scatomancy is telling the future by looking at turds. Will that be stuff like “you’re going to have a shitty few days but then it will get better”

In 2013 Al-Qaeda apologised for accidently beheading one of their own men. Thats what I mean when saying sorry is a bit inadequate.

It takes five people to extract semen from a vulture. thats hardly surprising but who would want to?

Label on a washing machine with a special cycle for removing pet hair.————Do not wash your pets in this machine.

Label on a rain gauge————Intended for outdoor use.

Finally the European union is likely to scrap daylight saving time. In this country it was brought in so farmers would have more daylight hours to bring in their crops during the 2nd world war. So its about time!

POEM attached                 HAPPINESS