FORGOTTEN FRIDAY

Sorry Im late again. I would like to say I have an excuse for being late, but I havent really. Just my other lives got in the way.

It is likely that four out of five families who lost their homes in the Grenfell fire will still be in temporary at Xmas, six months after the disaster. So what happened to Government promises of being rehoused after a month. Yet again empty promises!

Donald Trump has decided the US embassy in Israel should be moved to Jerusalem, which he believes should now be recognised as their capital.  The only country in the world  that actually agrees with this decision is Israel. What a coincidence!!!! Oh, sorry that’s not entirely true. Vanuata, an island in the Pacific Ocean and Taiwan both agrre. Strange really as Israel doesnt recognise Taiwan as a country! So Trump is being unnessarily provocative. Why?

One in four nurses in the Uk are obese and one in three care home workers. So how can they preach healthy eating if they presumably cant do it themselves. And what is even more worrying is that one in three teenagers are already overweight. So the problem is going to get even worse. We really have to educate young people the importance of  a healthy diet and exercise. And the contention that healthy food is more expensive is rubbish. Vegetables , fruit, pasta, rice are just as cheap. It is just that they need more preparation than fast-food. Obesity is probably the greatest health problem we have now as it leads to so many other complications for the Health Service.

HUMOUR- There are chemicals in the chemical industry called arsole, urantae, fucol, dogcollarane, apatite and cummingtonite!

Bing Crosby’s last words were “That was a great game of golf, fellers” So he died happy then.

The oldest person in history smoked for 96 years. He must have started smoking early!

44% of women preferred reading “Fifty Shades of Grey” to actually having sex.

When I was young and my mother was baking cakes my sister and I took turns to either lick the mixing bowl or the wooden spoon. So it is sad to find out you shouldnt do it now as they may contain E-coli. How times change.

BE WARNED. Northern Ireland police have warned that any kisses stolen under the mistletoe without a womans permission could be considered as rape.  What nonsense!

It was in the papers this week that Britain’s state pension is “the poorest in the West” As someone who does receive a state pension I get a bit fed-up of being told how well off we are compared with current working people.

Finally how times change. Apparently my name of Derek was very popular in the 1930’s. I was born in the 1940’s. But last year 2016 there were only 16 children named Derek in England and Wales making it the 1570th most popular boy’s name.

PS Did you know that polar bears are left handed! Well not exactly left pawed I suppose. And humans and dolphins are the only animals that have sex for pleasure.

Poem attached      NOW IS THE HOUR

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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FORECASTING FRIDAY

Yes today is not Friday but Im going away for the weekend and thought Id do my blog early! Im going to a cottage in the Scottish borders with my partner and dogs. Today is the first day of snow this winter so it could be quite exciting. Lots of warm clothes and roaring fires. And maybe lots of red wine.

So Robert Mugabe of Zimbabwe has gone after ruling for 37 years. In that time his country has gone from being one of the richest in Africa to being  reduced to bankruptcy. However in that time he has become one of the richest people in Africa, worth billions of pounds while his people starved. What a co-incidence. Good riddance.

Coffee. I drinks lots of coffee never tea. I love it and like it really strong. Now scientists are saying it is really good for health purposes. Cuts down the risk of diabetes, heart disease and cancer. Considering ive had al three to one degree or another it hasnt worked that well for me!

The UK government has criticised the BBC for giving out misleading information to the public re the latest offer of £50 billion being paid by us for a settlement  to leave Europe (Brexit) Apparently it was more like £40 billion.

Well the three leading Brexiteers in the Government stated we would actually be £350 million a week better off , to use on the NHS if we came out. So that wasn’t misleading , was it. Hypocrites!!!!!

The above mentioned eading Brexiteers are, Boris Johnson, foreign minister, Liam Fox, A trade minister and David Davies, chief negotiator are three shits together.If they’d been female they could have passed as a coven of witches.I’m ashamed these men are representing us abroad. In fact they are nearly as bad as Donald Trumps’s standing abroad. God help us.

HUMOUR-In China the film Pretty Woman, starring Richard Gere and Julia Roberts movie was called ” I will marry a prostitute to save money” Catchy title isnt it.

During World War 2 British pilots carried chocolate infused with garlic in case they were shot down and needed their breath to smell French.

British children can be held responsible for crimes from the age of 10 but cant own a goldfish until they are 16.

It has been suggested that primary schools in England shound be banned from reading Sleeping Beauty as the Prince didnt have permission to kiss the sleeping Princess. What a load of nonsense.

Slobodan Proljak killed himself in court this week after losing his appeal against being given 20 years for crimes against humanity, relating to the massacre of Muslims in Croatia. Pretty good conclusion if you ask me.

Finally its official. British men and women are the most obese in Europe.

And finally , finally What does Mike in “Suits” now think about his girl friend being engaged to a Prince? Congrats to Meghan and Prince Harry. And that will be the last time I mention it!

Poem attached.       THE TIME OF MY LIFE

 

 

 

 

 

FURTIVELY FRIDAY

Well we have had a budget in the UK this week . It was like most budgets a non-event. The word budget actually means a  balancing of the books. So if anything is given away money must be taken from somewhere else. In no budget i ever remember is any particular sector given a great deal so neither is a significant amount accumulated elsewhere. But the only way a lot of tax can be raised is to tax the majority of people in the country. Taxing the ultra or even the reasonably rich does not raise enough as there are not sufficient of them. So when money needs to be raised the ordinary man pays. They can juggle the various taxes around but at the end of the day nobody gains a great deal or loses a great deal. It is all smoke and mirrors. This particular Chancellor is especially useless. He has done away with the stamp duty for houses up to £300,000 for first time buyers. This means in the North of England the saving will be the princely sum of £24.  Also to help secure Brexit goes through he has promised £3billion. I thought Theresa May had already promised £38 billion to ensure Trade talks commenced! And the NHS will be given an extra £2.8 billion for the next two years. If i remember correctly Boris Johnson and his cronies promised the NHS will benefit by £350 million a week if we come out of Europe.. Whatever happened to that promise.

And finally on the budget the previous Chancellor, George Osborne told us the  trade deficit would be paid off in full by 2015. We now hear from Phillip Hammond It will still be £25 billion in 6 years time and wont be fully paid off until 2031. George got out of politics and is now a newspaper editor. He was certainly no good at maths. And finally, finally our growth forecast has been reduced which will mean another 6 years of austerity. Wonderful

OH, sorry the nurses Will get a pay rise but we dont know how much yet!

Humour –  It is illegal to sell Stilton cheese made in the village of Stilton. Because this cheese has a protected Designation of Origin status which states cheese has to be manufactured in Derbyshire, Nottinghamshire or Leicestershire but Stilton is in Cambridgeshire. Brilliant.

Before turkey was adopted as an Xmas dinner in England people used to eat a pigs head with mustard.

The MacDonalds Filet o Fish was invented for Roman Cathlics who couldnt eat meat on Fridays!

Just come up with a good old word. Wlonk. It means proud, haughty or rich. I cant see it coming back somehow.

Poem attached     WAR

AD INFINITUMLY FRIDAY

I know this might be controversial but I have often wondered whether heros or heroines are brave or that they just dont think about consequences. When someone is confronted by a situation which is dangerous in some form a intelligent person will think what are the odds of danger. Then take the course of action they think is best. The less intelligent person may not think at all and just do what they think is right. Those two decisions could be totally different. One is heroic but one might be reasoned.Also a member of the armed forces, police, medical or security is trained to do things by instinct and not really consider the circumstances. They will “just do their duty”.

So do you get my dilemma who heroic and who isn’t. They are all brave but when does extreme bravery become heroic. The reason I brought this up was because i was reading about a soldier who was captured by the Japanese and executed . He was given a posthumous medal, but couldn’t be considered for the Victoria Cross (which is the highest bravery medal in the Uk) because you had to be killed in action. I thought that was hugely unfair. Food for thought.

A Japanese train company had to apologise this week as a train left the station 20 seconds early. In this country the driver would have got award. Our trains are virtually always late!

Our last Chancellor of Exchequer, George Osborne decided to make our road tax system paperless in 2014. It was primarily to save money. Three years later we are £107 million worse off and 3/4 of a million havent renewed their tax. Great idea George!!!!!

A Da Vinci painting was sold for £341 million this week. Apparently there is some doubt to its authenticity. Now I love Art and can see why popular paintings are sought after. However I think when there are people in the world starving that amount of money for one picture is obscene!

HUMOUR- Apparently pandas are white so they can hide in the snow and black so they can hide in the shadows. But what happens when there is no snow ?

Because of the way their eyes are positioned pigs cant see the sky. So “if pigs could fly” other pigs wouldnt be able to see them!

Octopuses spend 3% of their tidying. What have octopuses got to tidy? And it certainly wouldnt take long with 8 arms.

Identical twins live longer than non-identical twins. Apparently.

Good News . It looks as President Mugabe of Zimbabwe is on his way out. the country if virtually bankrupt but apparently he is negotiating to keep the billions of £,s he made in achieving this.

A flat womans shoe which converts into a high heel(or vice versa) has been invented. What took so long?

And finally good news for American big game hunters in Africa. Trump has repealed a Obama law. You can now bring your dead elephants home. What a bastard that man is!!!!!!

POEM attachedALL THIS AND MORE

 

 

 

 

 

FAULTLESSLY FRIDAY

There has been a leak of documents disclosing the use of off shore companies to avoid paying taxes. Apparently avoiding is legal but evading is against the law. I dont quite understand what it means but only rich people are allowed to do it. The Queen and Prince Charles do it, celebrities, footballers and the like. Richness is the only commonality I can see. But it is legal. Why cant the man in the street including me not do it. Virtually all the off companies are based in British colonies, such as The Virgin Isles, Bermuda, The Cayman Isles, Isle of Man, Jersey Guernsey. So rich people use these companies but there is no advantage! So why are they called tax havens? Of course there is or they wouldn’t be using them. The truth is people in the Establishment use them too so they dont particularly want to change the laws. All they need to do is stop the British colonies doing it! What’s the expression, something about the “rich getting richer”!!!!!!!

While I’m on the subject of greed a professional footballer, Juan Mata, a Spanish Man Utd player tried to get his fellow professional to give 1% of their earnings to aid underprivileged children around the world. After 3 months only another 3 have come forward. So well done Charlie Daniels, Alfie Mawson and Duncan Whatmore. It just shows what a set of greedy bastards the rest are . ( I apologise to the ones who give to other charities but dont publicize it)

Our National health service (NHS) is creaking at the edges and is short of money. The brilliant service they have given us in the past is deteriorating rapidly. In the past three years the number of managers has increased by 11% while nurses and midwives have increased by 1.6% and doctors by 3%. Also while basic pay for senior managers in the last 7 years has increased by 15% nurses pay by only 5%. The Tories claimed they would cut bureaucracy in the NHS.  Well they have failed miserably so far!

HUMOUR- Westminister abbey has a cleric called Canon Ball!

Pop singer Ed Sheeran can fit 55 maltesers in his mouth.

A clocks second hand is really it’s third hand!

Lamorghini the sports car maker, started out making tractors. Wonder if they made the fastest tractor?

The most common job title in the Uk is manager. Some managers can’t even manage themselves!!!!

With all these celebrities, politicians and being accused of behaving inappropriately two questions What does it mean by inappropriate behaviour ? and secondly would it not just be easier to name people who HAVE behaved properly. The real question is though

Whatever happened to “Integrity in public office” ?

Politicians are supposed to be reasonably clever. So how did Priti Patel, our now ex Overseas Aid minister think she could get away with having 12 meetings with politicians, businessmen and officials inc the Prime minister while on a supposed holiday in Israel. She forgot to tell anybody in the UK. Good riddance1

And finally would it not be useful for a Foreign Minister to have some ambassadorial and diplomatic skills? Not like Boris Johnson who could actually have increased the  sentence of a Uk citizen already in a Iran jail. What a clown!

Poem attached.     ONLY THE BRAVE

FRACTIONALLY FRIDAY.

Im going to start with football for a change. England have just won the under 17 World cup. They have also recently won or finished 2nd at under 21 and under 19 levels. But very few play fot their teams in the Premier league. But even worse it is unlikely many will even play for their teams in the future. Nobody categorically will say this but when half of the premiership teams are managed or coached by foreigners they are hardly likely to promote the England international team. So we can win things at the younger age groups but we will still have a poor England team in the future.

I really hypocrites in politics. And a really good example is John Lanman, an ultra left wing supporter of the Labour party. He is close to the current leader Jeremy Corbyn. He has all sorts of ideas to bring down the Tory party. What I object to is that the man is extremely weathly. He lives in a luxurious building and helps run a propery company linked to a tax haven. I really have a problem with champagne socialists. It is so easy to have principles when you can afford them. How does he know what it like for a working class family living on a council estate. Hypocrite!

Have you heard about the private school costing £20,000 a year where they are having private prize giving days. Apparently the pupils who don’t win prizes will be upset if they go to one big prizegiving. so they wont be invited . Thats just as bad as having non-competitive sports days. It is a fact of life that the real world is competitive so the sooner you know that the better. Ridiculous.

HUMOUR- 1 in 4 Americans didnt read a book last year.

The word girl and boy only appear once each in the Bible. Strange!

80% of the world gold is yet to be found. So keep looking.

During the Xmas truce in 1914 in the 1st World War German troops put up a sign that said “Gott mitt uns” (God with us)  The British put up a sign in response “We got mittens too)!!!!!!

Gordon Brown, an ex Prime Minister and Chancellor of exchequert claims nothing has changed with the big banks since 2009. No bankers in this country have been jailed for making horrendous decisions, but they have in Ireland, Spain and iceland. They are still paying huge bonuses even when results are poor. I know Gordon was partly resonsible for the crisis but at least he kept us out of Euro and he made the Bank of England independent. He did however sell off some of our gold reserves off far too cheaply. He was probably too idealistic for his own good!

Lastly the sex scandal, it didnt just happen in the film industry. It happened in politics, all parties. (the resignations and sacking have just started I would suggest) The fact was it happened wherever you had powerful men and women were prepared to be subservient to get on. Absolutely disgraceful but it was the way it was 20/30 years ago. Hopefully it will all come out into the open but i suspect a lot of money will be fling around in bribes to stop it happening.

NOBODY

 

FASCINATION FOR FRIDAYS

I know its not a big deal for you popular bloggers but I have just achieved a 100 followers, 104 to be precise. Considering my intention was never to court people to read my blogs Im quite pleased. What i do like about blogging is that all Im really doing is projecting into space my thoughts. All Im really doing is thinking aloud if that makes sense. I never reread my blog (ok, so you can tell) I just release it into the unknown. My poems and short stories I draft and redraft but there is something liberating about just putting down what comes into my head. For you people who have taken the trouble to read me, my grateful thanks.

Bridge, the card game, has been trying to become classified as a sport. What a joke! but I have to tell you pole-dancing is trying to be considered for the the Olympics. Now that I can somewhat understand, it being an athletic activity. I wonder if there will be both mens and womens? But just like beach volley ball I suspect the womens event will be very popular!

A British MP Wm Rees-Mogg states The Head of the Bank of England is an enemy of BREXIT. Of course he is because it has huge negative implications to the banking system.

Also I have just read today 8 out of 10 academics are against it. The vote in the referendum was 52-48% so it may be the majority of intelligent people voted against leaving Europe and the less well educated voted for brexit. I wonder!

So the WHO (world health authority) changed their mind about Robert Mugabe, President and Dictator of Zimbabwe being a “goodwill ambassador”. WHat a joke . This is the man who has sanctions imposed for human rites abuses. It is like asking Donald Trump to lead  world climate control, or negotiate for black rights!

OLD WORDS-

Momist- A person who habitually finds fault, a harsh critic.

Percher- An ambitious or self assertive person.

Ruff- To swagger, bluster, domineer.

Fumish- Hot tempered, passionate.

Hugge- To shake with fear or cold.

Stomaching-Given to cherish anger or resentment.

Teen-To vex, irritate, annoy or anger. I wonder if thats what teenager came from!!!!!

The civil servant who was responsible for increasing the retirement age up to 67, Sir Robert Devereux is retiring at 61. He has a pension pot of £1.8 million which will give him £85,000 a year for life and a lump sum of £245,000. NIce one, Sir Bob!!!!

HUMOUR—-Kings College, Cambridge has won more Nobel Prizes than France

The Average person has sex 5,778 times in a lifetime. Are you getting your share? I may have a bit catching up to do!

A 17th Century Scottish tax on having sex out of wedlock was called “buttock mail”

Diners spend £2 more per head if a restaurant plays classical music rather than pop. Snobs!

POEM attached      WINTER

 

 

 

 

FURTHERMORE ITS FRIDAY

A Grandfather who died left a request that an inscription on his gravestone read “the little bugger did his best” It was blocked by the local council who said bugger might offend someone. What a joke!!!!!

A man in Germany deliberately left his bath and sink taps running and his toilet blocked for at least a year. Approx. 1.85 gallons of water were used. Two things . Firstly he lived in an apartment building so how did it take a year to notice and no surprise he is is being appraised in an psychiatic hospital.

Words of advice for Jeremy Corbyn if he realty wants to get into power.

1/ Drop Diane Abbot as shadow home secretary. She is a total liability .

2/ Drop Ian Lavery Chairman of the party and joint coodinator at last general election. Mr Lavery was previously gen. secretary of Northumberland National Union of Mineworkers (NUM) before he became MP for Wansbeck. There are no pits left in the North East so I suspect it was not an arduous job. He received £180k for his troubles. Mr Lavery claimed his job was to help ex-miners and their families, he obviously included himself in this statement. This man is a disgrace to the North-east, to the Labour Party and to miners.

3/ Any one who has any anti semetic sympathies shoud be instantly expeled from the party.

To balance things Tottenham Hotspur football fans chant we are the Yid Army (Short fo Yiddish or Jewish) . a spanish newspaper this week other English football fans hated them because of this. The club were upset at this suggestion. Easy solution. Get the fans to stop chanting . Easy solution.

Staying on football. The English FA this week were made to look ridiculous this week. What people in football have to realise is that money doesn’t buy integrity, honesty and commonsense.

Qatar bought the next football World Cup for £12 billion. They also bought club side Paris Saint-Germain. FIFA top officials were all found to be corrupt. football, certainly in England is run by the Premier League who dictate to the FA  and everybody else because they generate all the money. The fans especially at club level are now irrelevant. WE don’t generate a great deal of cash. As long as the arrogant, self important, totally unscrupulous people run football nothing will change. These people are just like pigs fighting at a trough for the biggest share.

SOME NEEDED HUMOUR-

60% of people eating chocolate rabbits bite the ears off first.

Vanilla is more expensive than silver.

The chocolate on a Hobnob biscuit is on the bottom not the top.

Swearing uses a different part of the brain to ordinary speech.

Brexit (I really hate that word) discussions lead by laxy , slap dash David Davies who every time he is interviewed tells us talks are progressing well. Theresa May has gone to Europe this week to sort out those nasty foreigners.

David Cameron got absolutely nothing when he went to negotiate and May will get as much as they want to give us. At the end of the negotiations the Leader of the Tory party (I’ll be surprised if it is still her) will tell us what a wonderful deal they achieved. Cant wait.

Meanwhile back in England Phillip Hammond, the Chancellor, Boris Johnson, Foreign Secretary, and Amanda Rudd, Home Secretary (with diminutive Michael Gove under her arm) and William Rees-Mogg (more like the name of a flea bitten cat than a Prime Minister) jockey for the leadership. Oh, and i forgot the Trade Minister, Liam Fox who I wouldn’t trust to run a sweet shop!

Finally a very English orientated poem          .FIRST ALIENS TO COMPETE ON STRICTLY

 

 

FREAKY FRIDAY (13th)

I was reading an article about placebos this week and how they work. Apparently the more extreme they are the better they work. For example a harmless injection and minor operation work better than a pill and two pills work better than one pill. it basically works on the premise of Positive thoughts achieve Positive results and also a Doctors healing words work just as well. Food for thought.

Donald trump will not be meeting the Queen if as expected he visits the UK next year. It is suspected that the Queen refuses to curtsey to him!

North Korean diplomats in London owe £250,000 in parking fines and congestion charges. we should go to the UN  to make them pay. Oh, I forgot the UN can’t even get them to stop firing missiles!

So Catalan declared their independence from Spain this week but have suspended it for several weeks in order to have further dialogue. But they haven’t said with who? Thats a strange form of independence. Bit like Scotland I suppose.

Benny Andersson of ABBA fame is bringing out a sequel to Mamma Mia. He claims that Piers Brosnan who was in the first one and will reappear  in the sequel has a good voice. He must be going deaf is all I can say!

The Uk government lurches from one problem to another. The Ministers cant seem to agree on anything except they are all supporting Theresa May. They believe she is a wonderful leader  and nobody wants her job. Who is kidding who?

HUMOUR-Every year the worlds spiders consume more food than the worlds whales. They also spin more webs I guess!

The average British garden contains more 20,000 snails and slugs. Better not tell my daughter that.

The British eat more onions than the French!

Donald Trump presses a red button on his desk when he wants the White House butler to bring him a diet coke. I hope he doesnt get mixed up and presses the other one.

Jeremy Hunt, another of my favourite politicians, who claims he is  the UK Minister of Health believes that the average time a doctor spends with a patient is too short. It is 10 minutes.He believes it should be up to 50 minutes. He admits there are too few doctors at present. The said Mr Hunt wants to increase the numbers by 5,000 doctors by 2022 but admits people who want to leave the NHS is now at its highest figure since 1988. What planet is this man on?

OLD WORDS:-

CONEY-CATCHER-TO swindle, cheat or deceive.

PARGET- To daub the face or body with powder or paint. I know a few women like tat.

LOSENGER- A false flatterer, a lying rascal, a deceiver. Step forward Mr. Hunt.

DOWSABEL- Sweet heart, ladylove.

WASTEHEART- Used to express grief, pity or regret.

The Duke of Westminster died leaving £9.5 billion He paid less than £100,000 in inheritance tax. This is less than a load of average citizens pay. just goes to show if you can afford the best legal advice its worthwhile.

Poem attached          –HOPE

 

 

 

FRIGHTENINGLY FRIDAY

Stephen Paddock , madman of Nevada, USA, decided to have some target practice with 23 of the 42 legally owned guns he had. His target was 22,000 spectators at a country and western concert in las Vegas. He managed to kill 58 and wound 515. Of a population of 350 million people there are 300 million guns in public ownership. not enough a spokesman of the NRA (National Rifle Assoc)  thought as only 33,000 people die every year due to use of guns. Nothing is likely to change as the NRA have sufficient senators on the payroll to vote against any changes in laws. Why dont they charge these senators and NRA officials with manslaughter. It is the constitutional right for every American to own a gun to protect himself and his family. Well good luck with that. Ultimately the problem is the spineless President who was voted for and was partially financed by the gun toting public. Good Luck America, you might just need it!

You have to feel sorry for Theresa May. Given a joke P45, (where were the security people) had a bad cough (where were the doctors to give her a spray or something to get thro. an hours speech. Then the letters on the slogan behind her fell off.

Yes, I did feel soorry for her as a human being but you really shouldn’t have to feel sorry for the leader of your country.

Why doesnt somebody just put her out of her misery, please.

Memo to Michael O’ Leary of Ryanair. Do you know how to run an airline?

Come to think of the same applies to the bosses of Monarch, which has gone bust this week.

HUMOUR- The King of Rwanda lives in a terraced house in Manchester. Has he fallen that far from grace?

Artist Salvador Dali set his moustache was set at ten to ten , like the hands on a clock.

007 actor Sean Connery was once caught speeding by a policeman called James Bond.

The Chief economist to the Bank of England has never had a credit card. Why would he need one when he has access to all that money!!!!!!!

Outof 14,417 houses worth over £1 million in the UK 45 are in the North East. Point made!

Wonder if Catalonia will split from Spain. Will it then lead to other breakaways through out Europe.

Bank robbers in Brazil took 4 months to dig a tunnel 550 yards to break into a bank to steal £240 million. Unfottunately for them they were caught feet from their objective. OOPS.

So much for the cashless society. Bank notes in the UK jumped by 10% fastest growth in ten years. But on a recent visit to Denmark and Sweden I didnt need cash at all. It was all credit cards mostly contactless.

The bill for repairs to Big Ben is now £61 million. For a clock and a bell. Horrendous!

OLD FASHIONED WORDS NOT NOW IN USE-

SILLYTONIAN- A silly or gullible person. How could it be anything else

AWHAPE- To amaze, stupefy with fear. Amazed me!

MERRY-GO-SORRY A mixture of joy and sorrow. Guessed that one.

ROUKER-A person who whispers or spreads rumours.

POEM attached             THE RITE OF RIGHT WRITING