It’s here again, Friday and a bank holiday so invariably it’s raining. That’s England at it’s best. Cold wet and windy. Walking on the beach has been an effort this week. Sunny at times to be fair but a very cold wind. We haven’t had a bad winter on the North-East coast this year but it has now be cold for about the last few weeks. we have had white frosts , squally showers of hail and sleet an icy winds. Not a bad winter but it now seems to be going on and on. I’m just waiting for better weather so I can wear shorts and flip flops and shave off the beard I have grown over the last few months. I’m not really a beard person . I’m looking forward to shaving it off as soon as it gets warmer. And I need warmer weather to sow seeds in the garden when the frosts have gone and mend the fence that was blown down in recent gales.

I’m pretty fed up of politics already and it’s still several weeks before the election. It is a time of calling the other parties, blaming them for what has happened in the past. A time of lying, contradiction, different interpretations of the same statistics, posturing, acting, etc BUt none of them seem to understand people would like to be told the truth. This apparently is impossible for politicians.

Enough of that. Did you know sleeping on your stomach is the most likely position to produce erotic dreams, which is very sad for duck-billed platypuses as they apparently do not have stomachs!

Blind people are four times more likely to have nightmares than sighted people.!

I read somewhere this week that people could live to 500 years old soon but the spooky thing is that they might have already been born. I frightened my daughter recently as did one of those life expectancy surveys on Facebook. I told her I was expected to live until I’m 112 years ago. I did cheat a bit by saying I didn’t drink, abuse myself in any way, be nice to everybody, not lose my temper, not get excited, eat exactly what you are supposed to etc. Well I didn’t really want to know I was going to die soon did I ? The reason my daughter was worried was she didn’t want to be too old to enjoy her inheritance!!!! But I have told her I’ve made two wills. She gets everything if she treats me nicely but if she doesn’t everything goes to retired race horses. I’m just being careful in case she tries to bump me off!!

Talking of death I’m thinking of being buried at sea to save space on land. Or I will be cremated in a cardboard box and my ashes scattered at sea. I’ve chosen my music, Bob Dylan’s version of Knocking on Heaven’s Door and Always look on the Brightside of Life by Monty Python. I expect to go to Hell as I think Heaven would be too boring. Can you imagine everyone being nice to each other all the time and not having a good argument or heated discussion from time to time. So it’s Hell or possibly purgatory for me.

Miserable poem attached in line with the crap weather      Monologue for a miner