LAST FRIDAY BEFORE ELECTION

Well the election is next Thursday, thank goodness. One or two people are going to be happy but I suspect a lot more will be disappointed . Hopeful Nigel Farage will not be elected and disappear in oblivion from whence he came. It looks likely Lib Democrats will do badly and Nick Clegg and Danny Alexander could easily lose their seats. The SNP could take all the Scottish seats and wipe out Labour and the Lib Democrats. Overall the Tories and Labour are very close and the losing leader  should resign. But knowing politicians they will probably argue they had a glorious lose (They won’t call it a defeat.) Or they will call themselves runners up! Or the other frightening scenario is there is no conclusive  result and we all have to do it again.

Enough of politics. A large stately home in Surrey, Clandon House I visited recently has just had a large fire. The building was badly damaged but it appears they got a lot of the valuable items out. Some of the furniture and paintings were fabulous.

So what has happened to the Apple watch? Apparently a component made in China was found to be defective. Have just learnt two things about it. It can cost up to 15000 dollars and it’s doesn’t work if you have tattoos!!!!!!

Did you see the photo this week of Jane Fonda, 77, Robert Redford, 78 and Barbra Streisand a mere 73 this week. Apparently it has cost a fortune for all the work they have done to themselves, but when you start you need to have annual maintenance. Quite sad really, people with enormous talent but still want to look young. Why can’t there grow old gracefully , like me!

Did you know there is a law firm in Leeds called Godloves Solictors.

Did you know Elvis was a natural blond! Dolly Parton once lost a Dolly Parton lookalike competition to a woman!

Sad to hear about Joni Mitchell who is in a coma. Brilliant singer /songwriter.

Whenever you are having a bad day it brings you back to earth when you hear of disasters like the earthquakes in Nepal. At least 5,000 dead, most of the population homeless and they haven’t even reached the more inaccessible villages yet. !000 Europeans missing. We in Britain are lucky we just don’t have  natural disasters on this sort of scale. Obviously we have plane and train crashes and severe floods but while these are still sad they are not on the same scale.

Thoughtful poem this week           A MOMENT IN TIME

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ANY OLD FRIDAY

It’s a beautiful day. Sun is shining, birds are singing, the sea is nearly blue. A sort of slatey, greyie blue. The North Sea is never a azure blue like the Mediterranean. It is only for the hardier of swimmers and probably only for  about a dozen days a year.. Surfers, (and there is some really good surfing on some of our local beaches) wear wet suits at all times, winter or summer. The North Sea is mainly for fishing and boating on , not really for entering. It is brilliant for watching wild life. Within easy reach of where I live are seal colonies and huge bird sanctuaries on the Farne Isles. Whales , porpoises and dolphins are regular visitors to these shores. I have seen them myself less than a mile out. There is also some of the best diving in the UK off these shores. The point is it is always pretty cold. The beautiful sandy beaches of Northumberland are for bracing walks with dogs not for lying on sunbathing. They are also mainly deserted! They are a secret to the rest of England so please don’t tell anyone about them. we want to keep them to ourselves.

The election squabbling contains unabated. Only about three weeks to go and it will all be over. Then all the successful politicians will go to their club in London, the Houses of Parliament, play their silly games and totally ignore us (the ordinary people)  for five years. The new Government then are safe in the knowledge they have five years to break all their election promises before the next round of lying thro. their back teeth. We are all getting ready to vote for the least worst party and that is those of us who believe we should vote. That is democracy at work in a nut shell!!!!!

Did you know the waste produced at Xmas each year in Britain would fill 400,000 double -decker buses. I didn’t realise we had so many buses! Every time I wait for one it either doesn’t appear or three come at once.

The Persians invented horse-riding and trousers. I wonder which one they invented first?

Due to a computor error in 1989 41,000 Parisians received letters charging them with murder, extortion and prostitution instead of motoring offences. I wonder how they explained the letters to their partners.

The BBC is yet again being criticized  by  the Tories and UKIP for being too left wing. I have never noticed it but do these same people ever read the newspapers. The press is 80% at least right wings. I know the BBC makes mistakes from time to time but it is still a fantastic institution. It is still admired world wide even though there must be thousands of TV and radio channels now. It stands up as a purveyor of unbiased news.

Well I will be going to support my football team Newcastle on Sunday in the hope they might actually win a game soon. In fact scoring the occasional goal would be nice. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

I have attached a selection of Haikus. ( Short Japanese poems)     HAIKUS

ALL THAT IS GOOD ABOUT FRIDAY

It’s here again, Friday and a bank holiday so invariably it’s raining. That’s England at it’s best. Cold wet and windy. Walking on the beach has been an effort this week. Sunny at times to be fair but a very cold wind. We haven’t had a bad winter on the North-East coast this year but it has now be cold for about the last few weeks. we have had white frosts , squally showers of hail and sleet an icy winds. Not a bad winter but it now seems to be going on and on. I’m just waiting for better weather so I can wear shorts and flip flops and shave off the beard I have grown over the last few months. I’m not really a beard person . I’m looking forward to shaving it off as soon as it gets warmer. And I need warmer weather to sow seeds in the garden when the frosts have gone and mend the fence that was blown down in recent gales.

I’m pretty fed up of politics already and it’s still several weeks before the election. It is a time of calling the other parties, blaming them for what has happened in the past. A time of lying, contradiction, different interpretations of the same statistics, posturing, acting, etc BUt none of them seem to understand people would like to be told the truth. This apparently is impossible for politicians.

Enough of that. Did you know sleeping on your stomach is the most likely position to produce erotic dreams, which is very sad for duck-billed platypuses as they apparently do not have stomachs!

Blind people are four times more likely to have nightmares than sighted people.!

I read somewhere this week that people could live to 500 years old soon but the spooky thing is that they might have already been born. I frightened my daughter recently as did one of those life expectancy surveys on Facebook. I told her I was expected to live until I’m 112 years ago. I did cheat a bit by saying I didn’t drink, abuse myself in any way, be nice to everybody, not lose my temper, not get excited, eat exactly what you are supposed to etc. Well I didn’t really want to know I was going to die soon did I ? The reason my daughter was worried was she didn’t want to be too old to enjoy her inheritance!!!! But I have told her I’ve made two wills. She gets everything if she treats me nicely but if she doesn’t everything goes to retired race horses. I’m just being careful in case she tries to bump me off!!

Talking of death I’m thinking of being buried at sea to save space on land. Or I will be cremated in a cardboard box and my ashes scattered at sea. I’ve chosen my music, Bob Dylan’s version of Knocking on Heaven’s Door and Always look on the Brightside of Life by Monty Python. I expect to go to Hell as I think Heaven would be too boring. Can you imagine everyone being nice to each other all the time and not having a good argument or heated discussion from time to time. So it’s Hell or possibly purgatory for me.

Miserable poem attached in line with the crap weather      Monologue for a miner