FEATURING FIDAY

I have always loved words. Written , spoken whatever medium they are delivered in. I went to my local library when I was 7 and remember my first book, not the title but know it was about a parrot. I read it that night and was hooked! I later read most of the classics interspersed with boys books and of course comics of all kinds. I love the way words are used, the order they come in to make a sentence. It is like a jigsaw the correct words have to be chosen to fit in and complete a picture. Whether it a newspaper article, a magazine article, a book , poetry, someone giving a lecture there is a right word that needs to be used. It has to be sought out, considered and chosen to collaborate with others to get the message across. Good writing takes time but it is worth it. I know it is old fashioned but I do feel spelling is important. There is very little excuse for getting it wrong as a dictionary should be at hand for any writer who cares about their work. Also virtually everybody  has a spell check readily available.

Ok that is the written word. I started off with the intention of being an accountant. I also love numbers,( useful for an accountant) but sitting at a desk all day with little communication with others was boring. Now I managed several years but then drifted somehow into sales. In my early days a company car and a expenses account were very attractive and I found I was naturally suited to it. My type of selling to larger companies demanded a constant contact with the same people. So I quickly found that bullshit doesnt work. Telling the truth, being honest and reliable did. The careful use of words in negotiations was just so important. Again chosing the right word mattered.

Youre probably a bit bored by this now so Im going to stop but it is something I intend to revisit in future blogs.

Leading on from that I have three words which have gone out of fashion but I still like:-

jeepers-An exclamation of surprise

guff- foolish talk, nonsense

vexed-irritated or annoyed.

HUMOUR-The record number of live goldfishswallowed at a single sitting is 210.

“At sparrows fart” is slang for very early in the morning!

385 million years ago fish actually had fingers!

In 1971 100 copies of the Bible were taken to the moon. Did they expect to leave them in hotel rooms I wonder.

A footballer in the Chinese league now earns £798k a week. I’m a football fan and I’ve never heard of him. He is Argentinian and his name is Ezequie Lavezzi. The next to are former players in the English Premier, Carlos Tevez, Argentinian £634k a week and Drogba who is an Ivorian earning £507k a week. The money they earn is incredible.

Oh, and Mario Balotelli receives a bonus of 1 million Euros if he is sent off less than 3 timees in a season.

POETRY attached                             WHO IS TO BE THE JUDGE

 

 

FRIGHTENLY FRIDAY

Have a read about a pill this week that gets you fit without leaving your chair.. What I think they mean is that it keeps your weight down without any exercise but I,m sure it does not make you FIT. Apparently this drug actually burns fat. I hardly think you can run a marathon without training whether you take this drug or not!

In this country we pay a lot for our 4G mobile phone service. Average availability is 65% which puts us behind Peru, Estonia, Latvia and India.  How we cant do better  in a small country like this baffles me.

This year British parents will fund 26% of the purchase of homes, bought  for their children, to the tune of £6.5 up from £5 billion last year. A sympton of our broken housing market!

The song “Careless Whisper” by George Michael has just been voted the most popular song ever knocking John Lennon’s “Imagine” off the top spot. Both fantastic songs.

Adele now has four of the top 10. Incidently Adele made £40 million last year making her worth £125Million. Not bad at 28 but she really is a brilliant performer.

So Cheryl Tweedy, formerly of “Girls Aloud”  and Liam Payne of “One Direction” have decided to call their new baby “Bear” Thats fine for a baby but when they go to school or become an adult are they going to be happy. I doubt it somehow.  Bear Payne, a name fraught with danger in the future.

HUMOUR  The largest lizard in Australia can run as fast as Usain Bolt. I hope it;s not poisonous!

The world’s largest and most complete Tyrannosaurus rex skeleton is called Sue. That’s funny , so was my ex-wife. need I say more.

The expression “you have a turd in your teeth ” was a common insult in 17th century England.

At the 1928 Olmpics oarsman Henry Pearce stopped to let a family of ducks cross his lane and still went on to win the gold medal. Can you see them doing that now?

I love words especially words that sound unusual so I’m going to try to come up with 3 every week. Words this week are:-

bamboozle-meaning to confuse or puzzle.

kibosh-To put an end to.

shenanigans-nonsense, mischief or trickery.

Finally and I deliberately left it to last is the election campaign in the uk.

Our present Prime MInister is running an interesting campaign which appears to be that she will be the least worst between her and Jeremy Corbyn. I suppose it’s a bit like in the US except the worst there seems to have got in. Although he has done very liittle in his first 100 days.  Policies in our election seem to gone out of the window, all the tactics are is that you call the other leader.

Its Friday pm here and we had an election yesterday. It seems that the UKIP party has been totally radicated, which is excellent news. The Labour Party has done badly which is totally unsurprising under a leader who is determined to lead his party into the wilderness. The Conservatives have done well in Scotland against the old Labour Party (now called the SNP) In fact the Conservatives have done well generally. So It looks as if we are to have 5 years of the “The Grey Woman” who will be now telling us how well she has negotited a Brexit deal. Whether she has or not!

And what about the Lib-Dems. Well what about them, indeed!

POem attached           .PAST PRESENT FUTURE

 

FINALITY FRIDAY

I attended a funeral recently of a 90 year neighbour who fell down stairs and broke his neck and other bones. He was a catholic and there was a service at his church then I attended his cremation. There was 15 people in attendance. Five relatives including his wife and the rest were friends and neighbours. He was a nice old man . Until recently he would walk to our local newsagents every morning and my dog Bruce and I would walk back to our street together. Bruce liked him because he and his wife always gave him treats. Now this man  originally came from Glasgow and he and his wife didn’t have any kids. Obviously a lot of his friends would have been a similar age to him and were probably dead. but I just thought it was so sad that  so few people were at the funeral of a pleasant and kind old gentleman. It made me think of the utter finality of death.

Laura Trott now Kenny received an award this week at Buckingham Palace. For services to the sport of cycling, her new husband receiving the same award. She said “all I do is ride a bike”. This girl has won 3 gold Olympic medals, several world championship medals and European golds. Her husband has 5 Olympic golds so far. This couple are just true sports and actually ride bikes quite well!

The typical Briton apparently is happy only eight times a week!

Humour Misspell is one of the most commonly misspelled words in the  English language!!!

In the Georgian language mama means “father” and deda means “mother”

The Inuit word “iktsuarpok” means ‘to keep going outside to see if anyone’s coming’

Last week a man made a 4 minute film of himself hanging his baby daughter. He posted it on Facebook and it took them 24 hours before they removed it. What sort of organisation is that?

Dame Vanessa Redgrave the 80 year actress is a former leader of the Trotskyist Workers Revolutionary Party and is an ardent supporter of the current Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn. She flaunted her £31k diamond and gold watch in a recent magazine interview. She can obviously afford to be extreme left wing!!!

Boris Johnson the Conservative clown Foreign Minister can not even persuade his own sister Rachel to vote Conserative. She is hoping to stand as a Lib- dem candidate in the future.

Arkansas has managed to execute two of the eight men on death row before their supplies of lethal injection drug passes its sell by date. When it runs out in a weeks time they cannot replace it and may not be able to execute the other six. This is peoples lives we are talking about not sick animals. absolutely inhumane!

Poem attached                                                       THE END

 

FORENSICALLY FRIDAY

Well, yet another election in the Uk. We have a local one next week to vote for a mayor. Then the biggy in June for who rules the country apart from the Queen that is. Firstly our local mayor , whose function I queried in the local paper last week. Apparently she (currently) runs everything. She is a bit like the President Of the US. She decides who is on the various committees of the local council. She seems to have the final say in all decisions. The mayor has taken over the various roles a leader of the council used to. Except there is a good salary , expenses,  a deputy and the council have just bought a new Jaguar for her to attend the various irrevalent  photo opportunities she attends. In other words another unecessary expensive tier of administation! So I don’t agree with the role but I think everyone should vote  so  I will vote for ALL candidates. In other words my voting paper will be spoilt which is my democratic right.

A drunk man drove at 70 mph in a 30 mph zone. But he wont lose his license  because he runs a company employing 6 men who would lose their jobs if he went to prison. What a joke!

Geoge Osborne our ex Chancellor of Exchequer will stand down as MP for Tatton at the next election. What a surprise, but it it is the least well paid of his several jobs. These people claim they become MP’s , not for the money but because they feel they can make a difference to peoples lives. What hypocrites they are!

Humour— Palm trees are a type of grass. Wouldnt like to mow that lawn!!!

Apparently fruit flies take their time over difficult decisions. BUt what the hell is a difficult decision for a fruit fly?

St. George is the patron saint of England, leprosy and syphilis. ??????

The Romans used powdered mouse brains as toothpaste.

Erdogan , the President of Turkey won the referendum to give him greater powers. He may have “fiddled” the results but as we know dictators are allowed to to do that.

Theresa May is hoping to follow his lead (without cheating) now that she has a 21% lead over Labour. Of course she states that lead is irrelevant even though she previously said she wasnt going to have an election. David Cameron had brought in a law for a  fixed term election every 5 years but she is changing that law. Whats the point of making laws if they can be changed when its expedient?

She has seized this opportunity to eliminate all the opposition, the Labour Party, House of Lords and people in her own party. All so she can do what she likes in the Brexit negotitions. Total self interest! Back to the days of Margaret Thatchers.  If you disagree  “off  with your head”

Im a life long Labour supporter but the Labour party cant win an election under Jeremy Corbyn.  He doesnt seem to get that the Conservatives have a hard core of supporters as have Labour but elections are won by convincing the voters in the middle. Left wing policies will not win the day. So we are likely to be doomed to 5 years, (until 2022) of the plastic Margaret Thatcher. Its a horrorifying prospect.

I can see the LIb Dems doing reasonably well with  their remain in the single European market policy. Dont forget 48% voted to remain!

In the last few years we have £4 million in foreign aid to North Korea. Whats that about?

Poem attached          IF

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FASTIDIOUSLY FRIDAY

It’s Good Friday today and something like half the population of the UK eat fish today. I know its for a religious reason but I suspect most people like me cant remember why. Fish and chips make a fortune today.

The reason I  named my blog “beach thoughts” was that I walk my dog on the beach most days and it allows me to think. I also walk him in fields evening and night. About 2 and a half hours in total. It is obviously good for him but it is also hugely beneficial to me to. I got my dog when i retired from work and as I always liked walking thought it logical I might as well have a dog to walk with me. I have in previous blogs extolled the virtues in having a dog this time I,m praising the benefits of my walking. Walking is better than riding a bike , driving a car (I drove between 45-50 thousand miles a year before I retired), being on a boat,  or flying. The only thing that is similarly relaxing is a train journey. The beauty of walking is that on the beach for example every day is different. rocks are in different positions, the sand moves around and even if you walk at the same time everyday because the tide comes in at different times i don’t know what I’m going to see each day. You spot shells, unusual stones, debris from the sea . You need to look down or you will miss something interesting. Also the sea birds change from season to season. When I walk in the fields seasons again change the trees, flowers even the grasses and the crops in the fields. Also the weather is different every day. That is what I see. But while doing this I think about things. if I have problems I can generally come up with an answer as I’m not being interrupted in my thoughts. I also come up with ideas for short stories and poems. Obviously my dog wants his ball thrown or I meet people and chat but most of the time I’m alone with my thoughts. Ok, you probably found this boring and I probably come across as a loner. Well that is not me at all! I love people  and i’m in loads of clubs, watch sport and talk a lot!

Enough HUMOUR. Apparently the facial expressions on lego characters have become increasingly angry over the last 30 years!

People are more likely to co-operate with you if you give them something warm to hold!!!!!

33% of the bread produced in the uk is wasted, compared with 6% wine. No surprise there then!

I have just discovered after 64 years of doing it I have discovered I have been tying my laces wrongly. Mechanical engineers from the University of Berkeley have come up with the best way and it is totally different to mine. Well I’m certainly not changing now!

539 town hall bosses are paid more than the Prime Minister. Local authorities are all cutting services but the bosses have received 11% more in salaries and expenses. And they tell us we have a funding crisis.

Poem attached          FUN AT THE FAIR

 

FIXATION FOR FRIDAYS

This week has been a beautiful week, cold at night but sunny during the day. No rain whatsoever which is unusual for England in April. As I walked the beach one day this week I thought (hence beach thoughts) those of you who have dogs will understand, it was a day we deserve.

We walk in all weathers and most dogs are not interested whether we have snow wind rain. They just want to be out. We wear the appropriate clothes but some days it is a chore to be out in torrential rain, a snowstorm or a bitter wind (in my case straight from the Arctic. So during the nice days it becomes a pleasure. We deserve the good days because we have earned them. It is just wonderful to walk on a sunny day on an empty beach, but I might be strange but there is also a great satisfaction on arriving home on the awful days. We have done our duty to our dog.

I got one of those activity tracking things for Xmas, mine’s a Garmin but there are lots of others on the market. I apparently walk at least 7 miles a day including a mile before breakfast. Thats what a dog does for you. Just read today half of women and a third of British men walk less than half a mile a day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So a Spanish matador got himself gored this week. He’s not dead but just injured especially his pride. Well he should not have tangled with a half maimed angry bull should he? Serves him right. Even thought my favourite author Ernest Hemingway tries to justify bull fighting in his book “Death in the Afternoon” it is just cruel and should be banned.

Apparently there is a cancer risk from a chemical used in potato crisps. You could be in danger if you eat 25 packets every day!

Dog yawns are infectious! Hamsters can only blink eye at a time.

2.8 million American dogs are on antidepressants.

Scotland is (sorry has) the biggest bog in Europe

People who believe in luck are luckier than those who don’t!

So Russia is not immune to terror attacks. Eleven were killed on St. Petersburg Metro this week. Nowhere is safe anymore.

Did you know the British army has more horses than tanks now. And apparently they cost more to maintain. At least it’s reassuring that we are ready for a cavalry attack.

Political correctness gone mad. A 53 year old woman has been awarded £360,000 compensation for one instance of sexual harrassment. Now I’m totally against harrassment of any sort but as she was on £22k a year that is 16 years salary. It’s just too much.

Wallis Simpson who married King Edward Viii causing him him to abdicate from the throne was having an affair with a used car salesman. Disgraceful.

Finally a woman in Scotland has to pay £24,500 parking fees. Apparently it’s a record.

Poem Attached         NOT SO SIMPLE

FAIRLY FRIDAY

Spring appears to have been sprung in the last week. Flowers have become rampant and ther is now blossom on the trees. It appears I have survived anotther winter. Well not yet quite we can still get snow and ice in April and May but it doesnt last as long. As usual the South of England  has had pretty warm weather up to 18 degrees whilst we on the bit of England that clings to the North Sea have only had up to 13. Warm for us.  I live in the bit of England between Hadrians wall and Scotland which politicians and a lot of people in London think is Scotland. Unfortunately if Scotland does get independence we will become more of a political wilderness. The Conservatives gave up on us many years age and Labour just take us for granted. Subsequently nobody is interested in us. As a matter of interest we got a lot more out of Europe than we put in so leaving is another disaster for us. But do we care? Of course not because we’re Geordies!

I watched the Red Nose day Comic relief Charity Show last Friday on Tv. It was normally very funny. As usual it raised a huge amount of money, about £70 Million I think. But it was the biggest load of rubbish I have seen for ages. There were loads of technical problems, and the language was appalling considering lots of children would be watching. The worst thing though was that because comedians  think they are funny we must too. They just weren’t !

Did you know that Prince Charles has his shoe laces ironed before he wears a pair of shoes!

It is also rumoured a manservant puts tooth paste on his tooth brush before he uses it. And something about toilet paper and his bottom!

HUMOUR There is a law firm in leeds called Godloves Solicitors.

it is against the law in Barbados for anyone to wear camouflage clothing. I bet they didn’t see that coming.

Orthodox jews can buy kosher sexual lubricants.

Blond footballers are 15% more likely to score in penalty shootouts than dark haired ones.

Charles Darwins last book was called The Formation of Vegetable Mould through the Action of Worms. I suspect it wasn’t a bestseller.

BT (British Telecom) have just been fined £42 million for internet delays. Their Outreach division, which all other internet providers have to use has been too slow to install superfast internet connections. It has also been told to pay out £300 million in compensation. Outreach made over £3 billion profit last year, not surpising for a monopoly!!!!

BT has just bought the rights for all European football for the next 3 years. Their will be no terrestial availability. The reason they have done this is sell more Broadband packages which include football.  But what is the point buying from a company whose Broadband speeds are worse than a lot of Africa and those of the base camp of Everest. The Broadband speeds generally in the UK are disgraceful and will continue to be so until Outreach loses it’s monopoly status.

Poem attached                                             SUMMER DAYS

 

FACTORING IN FRIDAY

It’s been a difficult week. The lone terrorist in London creates chaos with a car and a couple of kitchen knives. Just shows you dont need bombs or guns to kill people. In fact how can you protect the population against thing like that. It is important we are able to move around freely (within reason) in a democracy or the terrorists have won. The big difficulty is getting the balance right between security and freedom. We mustnt overreact in these circumstances. I suspect it is actually about right. Ok we may need to tinker with present arrangements but ultimately how can we stop bad people from using cars, buses, lorries to kill. We cant stop them using busy places. Its almost impossible.

Another difficult subject was the death of Martin McGuiness, the one time IRA leader and probably multiple killer. He believed he was a soldier, a freedom fighter. Others believe he was a mass murderer. but the fact is there would not have been a peace process but for him. The hard liners of the Provisional IRA would only  follow him. Not Gerry Adams or anyone else. The most extreme politician on the Prostestant side was the so-called religious man the Rev. Ian Paisley, who at one time stated  “he wouldnt be happy until all Catholics were driven from the 6 counties of Northern Ireland.” They actually became friends and were nicknamed the “Chuckle Bros”. If they could work together surely it was a good thing. Yes, Martin McGuiness was a bad man but did a lot of good in later life. Is that not better than a good man becoming evil ?

How can U-tube justify using adverts from blue chip companies alongside videos showing extreme violence, bigotry, racism. If they cant stop it themselves it should be done for them.

Gwyneth Paltrow says we shouldnt eat octopuses because “they are too smart”. Ive got a better reason. They taste pretty awful!

HUMOUR Americans eat three times as much cheese today as they did in 1970 but they eat nine times as much broccoli as they did in then. Is that good or bad?

Did you know Leo Fender couldnt play the guitar.

Edward Elgar was the band master in a lunatic asylum. Actually I quite like his music!

Did you know the USA doubled in size in 1983 when Ronald Reagan expanded their coastal waters from 30 to 200 nautical miles!

Medical science has now stated while we shouldnt smoke, we should eat sensibly, exercise the main reason we get cancer is just bad luck.

Most popular dog in the uk will soon be the French bulldog overtaking the labrador. But what will happen when we come out of Europe will they all be sent home?

Inflation is now 2.3% and likely to rise in the future. The Government has issued a National savings bond which pays 2.2% p.a. Which they think is a good deal. After 3 years you will be worse off in real terms. Eh!

Watched “Lion” this week. Terrific film based on a true story. Have to admit I shed a tear when he met his mum. Yet again it just goes to show some of the best films an books are based on fact not fiction.

Poem attached.                                         WHO KNOWS

A FUNCTIONAL FRIDAY

Do you remember the two little rich boys who decided to have a referendum on Europe. They lost but did they really ! George Osborne is still an MP but has now taken on other jobs to suppliment his income. He will receive £650,000 a year for one day a week working for Blackrock Investments, earned £786,000 from 14 speeches and today it has been announced he will be Editor of the london Evening Standard, but will continue as an MP. On top of being part of the family business. So he’s doing ok. As is his friend David Cameron who is earning a crust by speech making and is receiving several million pound advance for his memoirs.( This was the football fan by the way who got mixed whether he supports Aston Villa or West Ham because they play in the same colours)

Yes, they are doing well but I’m aware they have got someway to go to catch up with Tony Blair.

So the arrogant Phillip Hammond had a good laugh while delivering his Budget speech last week. What a shame he had to back down from one of his main policies a week later!

Crufts is the annual dog show whereby dogs are dressed up to look like dolls or young children. The winner this year of the working dog section then the overall champion was an American spaniel. It’s hair and make-up were immaculate but I doubt it’s ever seen a field never mind a rabbit or bird. Dogs are outdoor animals who love chasing things and take great delight in getting dirty. It is amazing how even if there is only one puddle on the fields they will drink out out of it then wallow in it. For some reason my dog loves to be on his back. On the fields as I say, on the beach to dry himself after coming out the sea and later when he is asleep.

But back to Crufts the section where they have to run through obstacles, over jumps and through pipes against the clock is fantastic to watch.

Humour—–Until January 2013 it was illegal for women in Paris to wear trousers.

Is a fact that people will gamble more if they are holding a crocodile.

The most common grade awarded at Harvard is an “A”. No surprise there.

Elizabeth the first invented ginger bread men!

The latest McLaren sports car the 720S costing approx £200,000 each says “Hello” when the driver gets in it. It’s the least it should do. Oh, it can also do 212mph as well!

Did you know you can now buy cans of pure oxygen(O2) at £10 for a 22oz can.

If any one cares to come on the beach with me they can get ozone (O3) for nothing..

Finally Yellow is the colour of the season . I won’t be wearing it , it clashes with my eyes.

Humorous Poem (I hope) attached                                                  NO OSCARS FOR ME

 

 

FALSEFIED FRIDAY

Ok its not Friday, I know . This weeks excuse it that I had most of the windows in my house replaced and it just wasnt possible to write when the work was going on and my dog excited because he thought they were just here to entertain him! If you are going to have a reason, ok, excuse, it might as well be a big one as I would expect these windows will last the rest of my life. Unless of, course I move house!

I have a suspicion that spring is almost upon us. Today, Sunday, everyone who has a dog and lives within 20 miles of my local beach decided to walk their dog there. Luckily it was low tide so there was a reasonable amount of space. That was the first sign, secondly geese have been flying overhead in large numbers on their way to their summer feeding grounds. And thirdly there is blossom on trees and flowers are now coming out in abubdance. But have you ever noticed weeds grow faster than plants!

Many , many years ago I went to a Grammar school. My family were working class and I lived in a council house. Grammar school education was decided at 11, but there were opportunities at 13, 15 and 16 for the slower developers to enter later. It was open to all. It was then decided education should  be more open and the better scholars in the system would mix with the lesser ones and the general standards would improve. A lot of Grammar schools were slosed. Exactly the opposite happened!. As the slower learners put more demands on the system they actually dragged the general standard down. However successive governments had they own ideas what was best so the educations systems have changed on a regular basis, generally for the worst. So after fifty odd years since I went to school the latest idea is to open more Grammar schools.

As some of you will know I am a socialist and didnt believe in private education. However I paid for my son to go to the best boys school in the North east of England, Newcastle Royal Grammar school of the few left in the country after the purge. Ok it was against my principles but I felt it was my responsibility as a parent to give my son the best education possible. Actually it was more than that, they were also very disciplined , had the best sports facilities and had a lot of out of school activities. I have never regretted my decsion!

Humour.    Archibald Clark West, the inventor of Doritos, had them sprinkled on his grave. And I always thought they were a Mexican snack!

Did you know a 12.5 stone man contains 110,000 calories. Is that if we eat him. Oh, and by the way cannibalism in the Uk is apparently legal!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The record number of live gold fish swallowing at a single system is 210.

And did you know the perfect coffee should consist of 17.42 units of water for every unit of coffee. Must try it sometime .

POEM (or PROSE whatever you want to call it)             ONLY