FORMULA FOR FRIDAY

For anyone who has not followed my blog recently I would restate the purpose of it. I got a rescue dog when I retired from work. I traveled a great deal spending two or three nights a week in hotels,  driving 40 to 50,000 miles every year. I always loved  dogs but was unable to keep one until I was able to look after it properly. And so I walked a lot as he needed a lot of exercise (as labrador do!) And as I have always lived at the coast I walk on the beach every day. And when I walk I think . And when I retired I also took up creative writing.. And as I walk on the beach I would think of the ideas for plots for my short stories and the concepts and key words for my poetry. Anyone who goes on solitary walks be it in the countryside or as I do on a beach will understand how therapeutic it is for clearing one’s mind. Being in the open air seems to remove a lot of the everyday stresses. And so to conclude that is why my blog is “Beach Thoughts”.

I came across a quotation this week by John Sentamu the Archbishop of York. It states “promise less and deliver more”. It just makes so much sense. The context is to do with the corona virus but it really could apply to most subjects. As it happens I think it was meant to relate to our Prime Minister Boris Johnson, who does absolutely the opposite. He promises the earth but falls short and will then make excuses or as he would prefer “reasons”. But the real truth is most politicians do the same. And in the US Donald Trump does exactly the same.  Is it not so much better to understate any situation  and hopefully improve it to a greater degree. But of course politicians generally are just too arrogant. Realism is the key not extreme optimism or pessimism!

There has been a lot of talk this week of the benefit of wearing a mask in confined spaces. It has been compulsory in many countries and in England next week it will be mandatory in all shops. It is already is on public transport. However some people will not agree to wearing masks because it against their civil liberties. The same people said they would not wear safety belts in cars or wear crash helmets on motor cycles. It has since been proven they have saved many lives. So I would suggest that unless face masks have been declared unsafe we should wear them. Why take unnecessary risks?

In this country we don’t really trust anyone these days. Certainly we have never trusted the Russians. But if we don’t trust them anyway we shouldn’t be disappointed. And now it is the Chinese. We won’t be using Huawei for our 5G systems. but it will take us until 2027.  So we have to wait until then to trust them fully. What a mess.

HUMOUR at last

Viagra is a combination of “Virility” and “Niagra” Well it would be wouldn’t it!

Tutankhamun’s parents were brother and sister!

In 2013 Al Queda apologised for accidently beheading one of their own men. What a shame.

Before their chests were cut open and their hearts were ripped out Aztec human sacrifices were given a cup of hot chocolate. That was a nice touch.

It is illegal in Vancouver to build a new house with doorknobs!!!!!

OLD FASHIONED WORDS.

MOLLYCODDLE–Protected or pampered.

DUNK–Dip biscuits in tea or coffee.

DRAGGLE– Become wet by dragging in water.

DUFFER– Idiot or stupid person.

DULLARD– Ditto

DUMBCLUCK– Ditto.

GEORDIE WORDS Next week I will explain where these words originate.

CORRIE-FISTED– Left handed.

SPIFLICATE– Smack somebody who’s in trouble.

TRANKLEMENTS–Oranaments

FUGGLECRACK– A smack on the back of the head after a hair cut.

RITE– Lean back on 2 legs of a chair.

SOOGIE– Enjoy a bubble bath.

PLOATING– Raining.

     POEM —-      CHANGE

FERRIED BY FRIDAY

Dont know how long this blog will be as Im waiting for a taxi to take me to the ferry terminal at north shields to catch a ferry to Amersterdam. I live about fifteen minutes away and a ferry leaves every day of the week at 4-30Pm. I have never been to Amsterdam and Im now over 70. Just never got round to it. Considering Ive been to most European countries and half way round the world its taken me long enough. Im told its worth it. Will report back next week.

Whats happened this week/ pretty normal week really. No change in the Uk re Brexit. They now have votes in the Commons and the PM just ignores the result whether she wins or not. Apparently it costs us £800 million a week now due to no decision and probably more when we do leave. The ordinary person has now given up and the politicians are driven by self interest rather having the countries interest at heart. So the stalemate goes on , and on, and ……….Im sure you get the drift!

Meanwhile in the US it is not much better. Trump is declaring a state of emergency to get his money for a wall (or is it a fence or even a hedge now). The poor people of America must be highly delighted that he wants to spend $5 billion on it.

How ironic. A Polish lady of 100 who survived the holocaust was mugged in the street and subsequently died killed by a Polish mugger in the streets of Derby.!

Just discovered the two actors playing Ma and Pa Walton in that good old fashioned US drama The Waltons were having an affair. How dreams are broken.

Sorry got to go my taxi has arrived

Poem attached       THAT,S LIFE

FORTUITOUSLY FRIDAY

DISGRACEFUL!

Our Foreign Minister is apparently upset with the UAE who have sentenced Durham University student, Matthew Hedges to life imprisonment (minimum 25 years) for spying . Jeremy Hunt has told his wife they are doing everything possible to get him released. But what I would like to know what the british Government was doing while he was held in solitary confinement for 6 months before his 5 minute “fair” trail. He was given a lawyer who could not speak English and did not see any British consulate official until he had had 6 weeks of interrogation. And the UAE is supposed to be an ally!.

There is also the case of Nazanin Zaghari-Ratcliffe, a British-Iranian who has been held in Iran since 2016 also accused of spying. She was a teacher on holiday.

Finally I go back to the case of the Saudi journalist Jamal Khashhoggi , murdered by a Saudi hit squad in Turkey. The ruling Royal family claim it was nothing to do with them. Donald trump has said even IF it is proved they did know they wont fall out with Sadi Arabia.

And what have all three situations got in common? They are all countries with lots of oil. They buy lots of  weapons from us from the UK and US. So individuals dont really matter in the scheme of things.

The only thing  the UN do is to apply sanctions against countries that step out of line. But they rarely work. We have sanctions against Russian for being involved in Syria and invading the Crimea. Sanctions against Iran. The only time I can remember them being really successful was against South Africa In the fight against Apartheid. Generally they dont work and the countries do what they like..

OLD FASHIONED WORDS

To Betrump, what a coincidence it means to conceive.

Lickspittle-Groveller.

Hobbledehoy-Youth.

Gadzooks- An expression of surprise.

JUGGINS- Someone who is gullible.

NONSENSE.

A German town has stopped children hanging their Xmas wishlists from Santa Claus on a tree in the market place. This is due to new European privacy laws (GDPR)

A woman who is MD of a on line betting company was paid £265 miillion last year. This sort of salary is obscene . If directors of companies pay themselves such amounts, ( the MD of Persimmon (since resigned) was another who earned over £100 million.) they should pay huge tax bills. When you consider there are more than 300,000 homeless in this country, food banks are now fairly normal in cities it is a fact the rich are becoming richer and the poor poorer!

And Brexit, well it goes on and on and the rest of the counties needs are ignored, lack of police on the streets, (two police, a man and woman were beaten up on a main street while a passer-by filmed it on his phone and thought it was funny), mental illness in children is increasing dramatically, knife crime is growing by the day, the prisons are in disarray and the targets set for cancer treatment are falling wellshort. The ship UK is not a happy ship.

Humour—- each person in a swimming pool leaves behind 8 and 20 teaspoons of urine!

Goats cant cry.

If you tickle a rat everyday it’ll start laughing as soon as it sees you. WOW.

POEM attached          LOST IN LOVE

 

 

 

FORSAKINGLY FRIDAY

How things have changed in the Uk in my life time. When i left school my first job was with the NCB (National Coal Board) there were 124 mines in the Northumberland and Durham coalfield. Now there are none , in fact there are none in the hole of the UK. The North East of England in the sixties was virtually all manufacturing , coal mining, heavy engineering and shipbuilding. The area at one time built more ships than anywhere else in the world. And in 2018 fifty years there are no ships built, no pits and no heavy engineering. By far the largest employer is the Nissan (Japanese owned obviously) After them the largest employers are hospitals, local authorities which are run by the state. So that is what has happened not just in my area but the in the whole of the UK.

THE UK now has only 8% jobs relying on manufacturing. Now I know technology has played a large part in this reduction of jobs but it is a frightening situation. And Brexit will certainly not help us.

So what it happening with Brexit. Well nobody knows really. The government and indeed the Prime Minister pretend they know. But after 2 years of negotiation the people are non the wiser. It is a shambles!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I dont know about you but I have always had a huge fear of sitting next to a very obese person on a plane. Now Im not talking about somebody who is overweight Im talking about is very fat. I even look around in the lounge just before we board to see if I could have a problem. so far I havent.

A 5ft 2in man who was in the window seat had a 23 stone, 6ft 5in sitting in the seat next to him on a 13 hour BA flight from Bangkok to London. He is suing the airline for injuries incurred on the flight. As i say it would be my worst nightmare!

HUMOUR–There are more statues of lions in the world than there are real lions.

It is illegal in Chicago to have weeds more than 10 inches tall.

You can tell if a duck has bird flu by smelling its droppings.

Johnny Cash’s estate once refused permission for his hit “Ring of Fire” to be used in a commercial for haemorrhoid cream

Donald Trump last week cancelled a visit to a 1st World War military cemetery as it was raining.  Were the troops in the trenches allowed to stop fighting when it rained?

The USA are outdoing the UK in murders yet again.

A gun mass murder in the US if more than 4 people are killed. There have been more than 300 this year , basically one a day.

In London there have been 119 murders so far this year involving knife crime.

What a tragic situation and what is being done in both instances. They are talking about it!

The Supermarkets in the UK turned out 59 billion pieces, which includes 810,000 tonnes of single use plastic. So the government claims they are making progress is just not true.

POEM-         LOST LOVE

 

 

FOREBODINGLY FRIDAY

Those that have read my blog previously will know i have a yellow Labrador dog called Bruce. in a way he dictates my life. He has three walks a day, first thing in the morning, late mornig and evening. So in a way I fit my life around him, or in another way I fit his his life round mine, but when i have to leave him for more than 4 and a half hours I have to make arrangements to have him taken to friends or relations. Fortunately most Labs are very friendly and people like having him. Also when going away on holiday I make arrangements that he stays at a registered dog walkers house. Kennels are pretty old fashioned these days, dogs tend to stay in peoples houses with other dogs and are walked every day. It is not cheap but the dogs are much happier. Dogs have huge benefits both physically and mentally. The physical side is provided by the walking you do. The mental benefit is untold. I live on my own and several years ago and had treatment for cancer( successfully) Radiotherapy for every weekday for 7 weeks. I actually visited hospital 43 times. What kept me going even when I could not be bothered was walking the dog. It was difficult but it kept me focused. Dogs are unrelentingly faithful and just want to be fed, walked and fussed over. Stroking a dog has therapeutic benefits of being calm and relaxed. Also you find when you walking your dog you meet and talk with other dog owners. In fact I find everyone knows my dog’s name but not mine.

After extolling the virtue of dogs i have just read the following facts :- There are 20 million dog owners in the UK and of that number 24% are left alone for more than 5 hours every week day, 16% aren’t walked at least once a day and 47% of dogs seen by vets are overweight or obese. 12% haven’t received any sort of training, These figures are depressing as we all have a basic commitment to look after them properly.

All has gone quite this week so I presume Saudi Arabia has got away with the murder of the journalist in Turkey. They are certainly still bombing civilians in Yemen but thats ok to the US as the other side are being backed by Iran, who are the real big bad wolf!

So all the politicians fine words have been useless. And the rich kids get away with murder (literally)

How can Republican politicians in the US claim victory when they lost The House of Representatives? Surely if nothing else it will slow the progress of new laws by the administration. Or even drop them.But overall Trump claimed it was a great victory in the Senate and the loss of the other house was down to the hostile media. Of course it was.

And Brexit. Well the talks go on, and on,********************* probably ad infinitum.

Right wings parties are certainly on the march all over the world. They have just had a big victory in Brazil which follows good results for them in Germany, Italy, Austria and Sweden and soon in France. The UK and US have already swung right. And what have they all got in common? Immigration. Incoming foreigners stealing jobs!

HUMOUR—-The labourers who built the “Great Wall of China” were fed on sauerKraut.

Eating dogs is legal in 44 US states.

Alan Shepard took a peanut to the moon. When he came back Steve McQueen tried to eat it.

Termites like the smell of biro ink!                                              LOST LOVE

 

FELICITOUSLY FRIDAY

Right, Im trying to talk about the bad and silly things of the week first and somehow Donald Trump is first. In my last blog I talked about that epitome of correctness, truthfuliness and just generally good-egg saying that the Democratic party and Hilary Clinton had a vendetta against him being voted in a Supreme Court judge. So how can he judged as un biased? Now that ultra fair minded President has mocked Dr. Christine Blasey Ford. now I really dont know if Kavanagh is guilty of rape or not but Trump should not be taking sides. It is wrong and unbecoming of the President in particular. Disgraceful behaviour. But in trump’s favour he is in love apparently. Him and Kim Jong-un are exchanging love letters.

Next it was the Tory party conference this week and two Tory ministers, Jeremy hunt, Foreign Secretary accused the European Union being like a Soviet jail after Phillip Hammond , the Chancellor of Exchequer said the Labour Party had similar economic policies to Stalinist Russia. Stalin was a mass murderer of his own people. Calling your opponents like this is from the gutter. It is purely done for effect but it is not right.. These are supposed to be leaders of the people. Also disgraceful!

A man in the Uk this week was found guilty of killing his 8 year old daughter as revenge against her mothers lesbian relationship. How evil is it possible to be?

HUMOUR —Bet you dont know what an “orgle” is. Ok, it is the strange gargling noise a male llama having sex makes!

The Pantone official colour chart has 104 shades of grey.

People who kiss their dogs have lower blood pressure than those who dont!

As a child Mozart was terrified of trumpets.

Right, a bottle of whisky was sold last week for £850, 000 or £28,000 a glass. thats obscene, how could anything be worth that.

Some company in the Uk has brought out Christmas tree crisps, pine salt flavoured. I doubt if I will be having any of them!

A professor has now come out and said even one drink every day will increase your risk of death by 20%. Especially if it is a glass of the afore-mentioned whisky!

259 people died last year while taking selfies including falling off cliffs bridges etc.

MORE HUMOUR—- Labels attached to products

“Caution not to be used for navigation” on a napkin dcorated with an old sea chart.

“Dont iron clothing while it is being worn, you’ll injure the wearer” on a steam iron.

“Do not put any person in this washer” on a washing machine.

“Do not use while asleep” on a hair-dryer.

Finally a football manager, Steve Bruce had a cabbage thrown at him during a game. His team Aston Villa have been doing badly this season. He was sacked later that evening.

But my question is, “Who takes a cabbage to a football match?

Sorry not much substance this week but most news was bad news so i thought I’d give you more humour.

POEM attached.                 A SMALL TOWN

FLIRTING WITH FRIDAY

I was reading an article somewhere this week where a parent was telling their children life could be tough at times. They were heavily criticized by other people.

I am of the believe you deal with things that go wrong in your life when they happen. People who have gone through life without anything bad to them are extremely lucky. i think dealing with a major problem makes you stronger , more rounded, more understanding of other people having tough times. it should actually make you a better person. It gives you experience of dealing with a problem and knowing how to get through it fo the future. The other factor for me is that if you have low times does it not make the good things in life even sweeter? If you dont experience bad times you wont tend to experience the euphoria of extreme happiness.

Life is tough but given resilience it can be exciting and totally worthwile whatever your circumstances. i know it is a well-worn cliche but you really do get out of life what you put in. Also, in my case never look back. Yes Ive made stupid mistakes, but thats in hindsight. Hopefully Ive learnt from them and wont make those same mistakes again. Unfortunately I cant really say that as I have been known to make the same mistake again and again. But thats just me being stupid.

By the way age doesnt really come into this, Ive met really smart young people and stupid old people. its just the individual that counts. OK sermon over, sorry about that.

The British Government discovered a new continent this week called Africa. You leave Europe and if you keep going south you will come to it. We sent a woman Witch doctor called Theresa May who thinks by doing a bit of dancing she can get them to give us some business. No government minister has visited this new continent for 7 years and no Prime Minister for about 30 years. Apparently quite a lot of people live there. Unfortunately it was discovered some time ago by the Chinese who have been poring money into the infrastructure. Now someone has decided we might be leaving Europe we will be poring money into Africa. However Im reliably informed there are a lot of despots there who will cream off our money and keep it themselves. Witch Doctor May visited Nigeria and giving their record of scam emails here I hope she isnt tempted to give them our bank details.

HUMOUR—-Mozart kept a fart diary!

You have a “turd” in your teeth was a common insult in the 17th century

The largest bra size is 48V. Now that is a big girl!!!!!

The least common PIN number is 8068. Bet it isnt now!

———————————-

More shooting in USA. Not really news anymore. Civilians die in Syria and Yemen also not news

SIGN of the TIMES-Pope Francis visited Ireland and 200k attended mass.In 1979 Pope John Paul 2nd visited and 1.2 Million attended.

Finally Donald Trump’s behaviour towards John McCain is appalling. Apparently you are not a war hero if you get captured. You are only a hero if you are dead or not captured. Well Trump wasnt captured , so he must be a hero. But does being back in the USA and not fighting at all count?

POEM ATTACHED            AS FAR AS I COULD THROW THEM

FRIGHTFULLY FRIDAY

Sorry , twice, Firstly it’s not Friday and secondly I missed last week because I was at a wedding. Said wedding was in Winchester, Hampshire and what a beuatiful place it is!. It was the old capital of England before William the Conqueror invaded England so it is very historical. It has a huge Cathedral , ruined castle , a Great hall (where supposedly King Arthur’s round table hangs on the wall) and loads of historical buildings . These buildings dating back to the 11th and 12th centuries by the way. And lots of good bars and restaurants too. All in all a memorable week end. AND i have booked to visit probably my favourite city next month. And that is Paris.

Well not a lot seems to have happened this week, apart from people dying in wars in the Yemen, Syria and various parts of Africa. Earthquakes in the far East, floods in Japan and and France. What I meant was that it has been pretty quiet on the political front.

Although Boris Johnson , our undiplomatic Foreign Secretary has excelled himself by saying stupid, provocative things. He said “a woman wearing a burka looks like a post-box” Then he claims he is not anti-Islamic and that she has every right to do so! But then went on to say “does she know how stupid she looks” Obviously Donald Trump has been giving him lessons in how to upset people without really trying!

I must have been living with my head in the sand recently. The BBC published a list of the most influential women ever born. Out of the top ten I,m ashamed to say I hadn’t heard of five, Rosa Parks, Ada Lovelace, Rosalind Franklin,Angela Burdett-Coutts and Mary Wollstonecraft. Sorry ladies.

How contradictory life is. I read this week that too much exercise risks mental health. Up to 45 minutes is good but after that is unwise. Also that too much sleep can be bad for you!. health experts keep telling us different things.

Another thing this week caught my eye. That school pupils are being stressed by sitting exams!Normal life is pressured and competitive whether we like it or not and are exams not part of the preparation for this.

HUMOUR-JRR Tolkein was rejected for a Nobel Prize in literature on the grounds of his “poor storytelling”

Ruth Wakefield , inventor of chocolate chip cookies sold her idea to Nestles in exchange for a lifetime supply of chocolate!

A grass hoper becomes more sociable if you stroke its hind legs. How sociable I’m afraid I don’t know!

The largest sperm bank in the world does not accept donations from redheads because of insufficient demand.

St George is the patron saint of England, leprosy AND syphilis.

Finally a new law is going to pass through Parliament that eating dog-meat in the UK will be illegal. Firstly I didn’t realise we did eat dog meat here and secondly my dog, Bruce is absolutely delighted

POEM attached                  FALLING

 

PHRENOLOGICALLY FRIDAY

Sorry , missed a week. Was on a walking holiday with three similarly grumpy old men. we walked a national path called Offa’s Dyke which stretches 190 miles from Chepstow to Prestatyn. Offa was a 8th century king of Mercia who built a earth wall to keep out Welsh marauders. We walked for 4 days and covered about 60 miles. It was hot! 28-29 degrees c Well hot when you normally live on the North East coast of England. Walked from Chepstow to Monmouth, Abergavenny to Hay-on-Wye. All lovely towns on the Welsh- England border.

And this week’s news. Brexit-shambles. Ordinary people know less about it than they did 2 years ago when they voted to leave Europe but unfortunately our politicians and the Government also haven’t got a clue either. The clown prince of politics, Boris Johnson  has now resigned but unfortunately I suspect he will be back. Theresa May is becoming more of an embarrassment by the minute. She is crawling to Donald Trump trying to achieve some kind of trade deal for the future. It is pathetic to watch. He is walking rings around her.

Congratulations to the England football team for reaching the semi-final of the world. As a young team they can only improve.

Also congrats to the International rescue team who got  the boys and their coach out of the Thailand flooded  pot-holes. It is amazing how countries can work together so well when there is a disaster!

A frightening statistic I came across this week is that 1 in 10 children do not own a book. That is frightening ! Also in a large  survey of children 60% have never flown a kite, 34% have never ridden  a bike and 49% have never climbed a tree.

HUMOUR–A cow with a name will produce 450 more pints a year than one without a name.

The Spanish for “when pigs fly” is “when hens piss”

There are 2,500 types of moth in the UK but only 60 species of butterfly.

In the Himalayas the smoke from burning millipedes is used to treat haemorrhoids.

Saw a photogragh today of a pair of polar bear cubs fighting over a piece of plastic- in the Arctic. Frightening.

Good news was Starbucks are imposing a levy of 5p per cup in an effort to reduce useage. Hope is people will be more inclined to bring in their own cup. Well it certainly worked when they put on a 5p levy for plastic bags for supermarkets. It was very successful so here’s hoping.

At last its been proven.  Your brain is only as old as you feel!

A study of people between the ages of 59-84 found that those that felt younger than their age had more grey matter in their brain and had better memories. However those that felt younger were more likely to lead a mpre physically and mentally active life which could cause improvements in brain health. Im no scientist but I would suggest a positive attitude to life is also likely to help one feel younger. Good news as far as Im concerned                                                             POEM ATTACHED    .WORDS

 

 

FREQUENTING FRIDAYS

Well its been a bit of a strange week. Weather on the East coast here still winter-like wet and cold. Im in a walking club and it was my turn to organise it. What happened it rained all day so it was cancelled!. i dont know how many of you own pets especially dogs. They are an extremely expensive item. my labrador, Bruce has had a limp for a couple of weeks. so i took him to the vets. After a course of anti inflammatories it was decided he needed treatment. So he needed an x-ray costing £500 when it would be decided what operation would be needed. Im waiting for the expert to come back to me but he has knee and hip problems and costs are likely to be between £2500- £3000. Ok Im insured but when a vet quotes prices you cant negotiate like you can with other items or services. Thats the price, take it or leave it!. Somebody told me recently the best professions to encourage your children into are either to be a vet or a dentist. Anyway Bruce will get the best treatment what ever the cost. He is only 8!

Apparently Mariah Carey has just been diagnosed as being bi-polar. I thought she has always had it.  On tour she has asked for puppies to be provided, didnt do stairs ever , wore high heels even in the gym. Also bought all the seats on a flight so she could travel alone and had bdy guards surround her in a restaurant so other diners couldnt see her eat. But worst of all had her limousine drive around until her hotel had a candle lined red carpet out for her. At two o’ clock in the morning. AND she wasnt strange before??????

The Government is putting extra money into prostrate cancer screening and research.My own prostrate cancer was picked up in 2000 when they was screening for people over 50. Mine was picked up, monitored and then I had radio-therapy which cured me. The Prime Minister is claiming this as if it new idea when her predecessor David Cameron cut the funding for the previous scheme!!!

Humour___The Daleks in Dr. Who were based on the Nazis.

Charles Dicken’s son Francis, was a Tony Blair Canadian Mountie.

In 1948 a single law was brought out in Spain banning blasphemey, wood-chopping and keeping poultry.

People eating in a group of 7 or more eat twice as much as people eating alone!

Tony Blair was hugely criticised for being George Bush’s poodle when we invaded Iraq. Nobody seems to think Theresa May is Donald Trumps “chihuahua” in the present Syrian situation. So whats the plan kill some more Syrian civilians who happen to be in the way?

Read in the paper wild bears are being kept in small cages for all their lives  in Armenia for wealthy owners to show off. This is appalling!

Poem attached                      HOPELESS