In 1900 there were 3384 working pits in the UK. In 1964 I commenced my first job with the National Coal Board (NCB) as trainee financial officer, my salary was £7, 7 shillings and sixpence ( about $8). In Northumberland and Durham there was about 120 pits left but over a hundred were closed between !960 and 1970. There are none in this area and none left in the UK. The only coal now used in the UK is supplied from the USA and Russia. The only industries requiring coal are for the manufacturing of steel and bricks. We had a large sanitary industry but vitually all the factories are now closed. We import mainly from China and Turkey with smaller quantities from Europe.

It has been a traumatic week for children expecting exam results in this country. Because they couldn’t go to school to sit exams it was decided marks would be awarded from teacher assessments over term work but also ucsing a algorism, based on schools past performances, socio economic background etc. Well it all went wrong. It started to go wrong in Scotland where it was found students in poorer schools were judged to have worse results than normal whilst private , independent schools did even better than normal. A lot of children couldn’t go to universities. So it was then decided the teachers assessments only would be used. So in England exactly the same thing happened using the teachers assessments and algorism system and the lesser well off chidren were also worse off. And again after a huge up cry it was decided the teachers opions were accepted. The minister for Education, Gavin Williamson and his assistant don’t believe it’s their fault. The quango that set up this algorism are being blamed and the chief education civil servant too. It’s nobodies fault, of course, but some little backroom boffin will be blamed no doubt after there is an enquiry. And where was the PM when this happened on holiday of course.

Oh, by the way , when other exam results were published, and they used the teachers asessments well the pupils did 30% better than usual. So everybody is now happy!!!!!

Just a quick word re my friend Trump. He is struggling in the polls and his natural reaction is to cheat. By sabotaging the way the postal votes are normally organised!

One of my hobby horses is the conduct of the Royal family. I am looking at a photograph of Prince Charles who is proudly stading with a chestful of medals. The trouble is he didn’t actually earn any. Things like The Coronation medal, the Silver and Golden Jubilee medal, Diamond Jubilee Medal Long Service Good Conduct Medal, Canadian forces Medal, New Zealand Commerative Medal, Commonweath Order of merit, etc etc. I don’t think he has actually done any fighting so why all these medals. Half of them are given by his mum anyway!!!!

Finally Prince Harry and Megan apparently will need about £5 million a year to live on. They owe £2.4million from the British tax payer for a house they did up in England. They are paying at a rate of £18,000 which will take them at least 11 years. They will have borrow from Harry’s Grandmother I suspect.

I need some HUMOUR

If all the salt in the oceans was spread evenlyover the land it would be 500 feet deep!

The ancient Egyptian word was pronounced “miaow”

When Danes pose for photos they say”orange”, The Chinese say “aubergine”, and the Germans “ant shit”

In 2009 a search of Loch Ness for the Loch Mess monster located 100,000 golf balls.

The Spanish for “when pigs fly” is “when hens piss”


MINDSEYE– Imagination.

MINCING–Affectively elegant or dainty.

GALLUSES–Braces for trousers.


LADIDA–Affected way of speaking.

LAVATORY– Room with flushing toilet and washbasin.


PROGGY MAT– A mat made from rags.



SCRUMPTIONS– Bits of batter left after frying fish.

TOON- The city of Newcastle


Well, this week we reduced our coronavirus deaths down from 46,700 to  41, 300. The same number of people died just from different causes. I sometimes think the authorities believe statistics are more important than the actual people who died, but everyone one of them is someones mother, father, sister, son, daughter or friend. Someone loved them. Whichever way it is dressed up the UK death rate is the worst in Europe (pro rata to population) However there were only,( but see my first few lines above) 193 deaths in a week. Our rates are gradually getting better but we cant be complacent yet. But the most positive thing for me is that the English schools will be back in September. The majority of children have missed 6 months off. Some might never catch up . The effect of not just their long term education could be their mental health! Apparently only 1 healthy child has been killed by the virus in England.

I must confess I find some things difficult to understand these days. Marks and Spencers have been accused of “covert racism” They are marketing a brown bra as tobacco. I know tobacco is now unhealthy but describing a garment as tobacco surely is going too far. Am I  not allowed to call another garment a black dress. This is sensitivity gone too far.

Kamala Harris seems to me a great running mate for Joe Biden. A woman, of mixed race a lawyer, a great choice. She must be a good choice as Trump is already calling her names. Surely, Joe Biden can win for the Democrats this time.  And as he is 77 there is a fair chance Kamala Harris could take over as President. Wouldn’t that be great? Talking about Trump he believed this week the Spanish flu epidemic ended World War ii in 1817. Well the epidemic commenced 6 months after the war ended in !918. Fake News!

That explosion in Beirut was horrendous. The city was damaged to the extent of £11.5 billion. But the saddest thing is that a lot of countries have offered aid but the people themselves don’t trust the government to distribute it. Lebanon has had many years of civil war and the government is totally corrupt. The country is controlled by religious, secular and political factions. The only way forward is a independent government not based on these factions. It is not likely to happen however as Hezbollah receives military support from Iran and political support from Syria. And their enemy is Iraq. Beirut was one of the most beautiful cities in the world before the civil war. If the ordinary people have any say in the future thing must change.


” I once spent a year in Philadelphia. I think it was a Sunday.!”

“If an Englishman gets knocked down by a lorry , he apologises to the lorry!”                        “I don’t believe in God, but I do believe that you shouldn’t step on the cracks in the sidewalk”

“All religions are basically the same, guilt with different holidays!”

“A converted cannibal is one who, on Fridays , only eats fishermen.”

“There are no atheists on a aircraft about to crash land!”


DEKKO– A look or glance.

INGLENOOK–Corner by the fireplace.

MAN AT ARMS– Soldier.



MILKSOP– Sissy or unmanly.


GRUFFY– Wrinkled skin in water.

BUDGIE– Half a pint of beer.


CAGGLE– Lean back on a chair.

GROCKLES– Tourists


BUBBLE– To cry.









Before coronavirus reared up it’s ugly head the poor in the UK were becoming poorer and the rich were becoming richer. I  suspect virtually all countries in the world will be the same. Company director’s salaries and bonuses were becoming larger , and some were even paid rewards for failure.  This couldn’t go on and shareholders were banding together to rectify and limit rewards. There should be sensible  and deserved rewards for above average performance for both directors and workers.

But now the world is different, governments have supported companies and their workers so far but unfortunately the day of reckoning will be coming. There is likely to be huge numbers of unemployed workers. And most of those unemployed will be the worst paid. Which will inevitably lead to poverty, and so it is also inevitable the poor will be come even poorer.

Because of the coronavirus some of the tech companies have made fortunes. Their profits have soared . Apple, Microsoft, Twitter, Zoom, Alphabet  (Google ) etc. Some of their directors have made billions of dollars per day. Steve Bezco of Amazon is now worth $192.1 billion. How will he be able to spend that sort of money. There will be a huge amount of unemployed in the US who is going to look after the poor there.

That is in the Western world but there are now more Rolls Royce cars sold in China than any other country in the world. But the poverty in China is enormous so how do their leaders justify their communist system. And Putin and his mafia henchmen, how does he justify his vast wealth. Unfortunately most heads of states are very wealthy men probably through corruption.  Most African states are certainly corrupt , Asia and South America not much better. And could we say the more democratic countries in the Western world are much better I doubt it. It might be a little more kind to say corruption is used in a much more sophisticated way. Helping each other politically and financially ( in other words scratching each others backs) makes the world go round. Going to the right schools, the right univerities, golf clubs gentlemen’s clubs, country clubs and so it goes on.

And so once the coronavirus is over what will happen. Well the poorer people will be even poorer and in some countries they will starve. And the rich? Well of course they will be even richer!!!

Lets have some HUMOUR–

For the last 3 months of his life President James Garfield had to be fed everything through his anus. Unlike his fellow President Trump who actually speaks through his anus!

In Turkey the word for turkey is a Indian bird.

In India     ”        ”       ”         ”       ”  ” Peruvian bird

In Greece   ”        ”       ”         ”       ”  ” French bird.

In Malaysia ”       ”        ”        ”       ”  ”  Dutch chicken.

Thomas Edison invented the Tattoo pen.

Mouse sperm is bigger than elephant sperm. Presumably it just takes more!

It takes 700 grapes to make 1 bottle of wine.


FLUNKEY–One who obeys superiors in a servile way.

FLYAWAY–Erratic or flighty.

FOOTLE– Act or talk foolishly.


NICKELODEON– Early type of jukebox.

KNICK-KNACK–Small article


DIVVY– Share.

DEEK– To look at.

SWOT- Who does school work conscientiously.

FUBSY– Short or squat.


PLARPY–Dough like

PROGGLES- Nettles                                                                                                                                                         .COLOUR-BLIND-                  Poem




Well that nasty coronavirus is not going away readily. India, the US, Brazil, Mexico the infection figures are still rising. The problem is as soon as lock down is released people become complacent and the infection rate increases. And our government has to balance the ongoing damage to the economy with the number of covid victims. And in England there are now hot spots where the virus is  on the rise again. The areas in question are places like Leicester, Bradford, Oldham, Rochdale, Burnley, Blackburn etc. Historically  Asian people were attracted to England to work in the textile industries which in the 20th century were relatively well paid. These towns and cities  are now the areas  where the infection rate has increased .  And because of their culture and generally worse financial positions they have become very close knit communities. This is no way a racial or religious problem. It is purely a fact that certain areas of these towns and cities have developed  socio economic problems.  So lock down is being used to bring down the rate of increase in these areas again. The same thing is happening in a lot of European countries now. Whilst most countries have got the virus under control there are cities and regions  which have reinstated lock down situations.

What we still need is a vaccine.

What is our country coming to? There was a fight in a local pub between Coldstream Guards who guard Buckingham Palace and the Royal Footmen who are basically the palace servants. What ever did the Queen think?

We have two houses in our parliament, the House of Commons and the House of Lords. New lords have been created recently bringing up the total to 830. The Commons has 650.Two years ago the previous PM, Theresa May pledged herself to “a policy of restraint in the number of new  members” of the lords. Thats really funny, Boris Johnson our new clown of a PM has just given her own husband a knighthood. And his own brother! These people have nowshame. And by the way they get £323 to attend every day. Thats quite a reasonable lunch bill don’t you think!

A lot of important people  not just in the US but in the world are going to be very worried about the disclosures  relating to the pervert Jeffrey Epstein and his pimp Ghislaine Maxwell and his private Caribbean island. Apparently a lot of  famous friends enjoyed the company of young girls.   A lot of his friends including Prince Andrew don’t  remember going there. Of course they don’t.

Now some HUMOUR.

“When I finally meet Mr. Right , I had no idea his first name wuld be Always”

“I’m married now , so I do most of my dating on the internet”

“I watched a cricket match for 3 hours waiting for it to start.”

“I got into the ring with Muhammed Ali and I had him worried . He thought he’d killed me”

“My mother had been nagging my father to take up a hobby, so he took up bird watching.He bought binoculars and a bird”!

“Incest , the game the whole family can play”


GOOD FOR NOTHING–Useless person.

LUMMOX– A stupid person.

GOODYTWO SHOES–Virtuous or wellbehaved

EMPORIUM–A place of commerce.

FLUMMOX–Confuse, perplex.

FLUMMERY–Meaningless flattery or silly talk.


The word for a local from Tyneside or around the area of Newcastle or along the banks of the river Tyne. The word has been used for at least about 250 years.

During the Jacobite rebellion of 1715 in the time of the Hanoverian King George 1 who reigned from 1714 to 1727  the people of Newcastle were called Geordies in support of their King. Whereas the more rural Northumbrians supported the Jacobites.

But there are other theories, the name George was very popular as the name for an eldest son. The word originates from the word  “farmer” .

Another theory is because this part of Northumberland and Durham was a huge coal mining area the miners used a safety lamp invented by George Stephenson( who developed the first railways ) The lamp was called a “Geordie” as other parts of the coal mining areas used a “Davy” lamp invented by Humphrey Davy.

And finally the last theory was that in the songs and  stories of the day from song writer Joe Wilson he talked about “keep your feet still Geordie , hinny” and “Geordy haud (hold) the bairn”(child). And from a comedian Billy Purvis “Thous a proper Geordie”.

And so the dialect and name Geordie is always associated with this area. The dialect is the continuation and development of the original language spoken by the Anglo-Saxon settlers.

So finally a poem           DREAMS


I mentioned in my blog last friday I would do a bit of a explanation of the origin of “Geordie” words.

So here goes,  a lot of the language in the North east, that is the old counties of Northumberland and Durham, originated from ancient Germanic and Scandanavian tribes. we need to go back to the 4th Century which ended the Roman occupation of Britain. The Welsh speaking Britons were threatening the people of the North East who o were also vulnerable to the raids of the Picts from Scotland. The vacuum was filled by the Angles and Saxons , a  sea roving pagan races from Denmark and Northern Germany. These peoples protected the locals in return for land. This was in the 9th Century. Some of the earliest known settlements of the Anglo-Saxons in Britain at this time.

The area was known as Bernicia but soon expanded as far north as Edinburgh and south to the River Humber. Some of the language and customs of the Scots were incorporated into the area which then became the Kingdom of Northumbria. This great Kingdom was ruled by the Angles( The Saxons had by then settled in the south of England) The Kingdom was ruled from Bamburgh and their language was the forerunner of modern English. The Angles of Denmark  gave their name to the country thus– Angle Land or England.

Over the centuries the old Anglo- Saxon language changed with the influence of Latin and Norman-French and other foreign influences. And with it was the conversion of pagan beliefs to Christianity.  The North east has retained more   Anglo-Saxon words than any other region in England. Distinctive Geordie and Northumbrian words are more than 80% Angle in origin compared to standard English which is only  30%. Educated classes of the South of England were hugely influenced by Latin and Norman French.A lot of words used by Chaucer and Shakespeare are no longer used in other parts of Britain but have survived in the North east.

The tuirbulent border history between Scotland and Northumberland and the isolation from  Southern England contributed greatly to the retaining of a lot of the original Anglo-Saxon words. However some Viking words  crept into the dialect from Southern Durham and North Yorkshire. Incidentally the Vikings never settled in Northumberland or Durham. They frequently raided the area but never settled. The Vikings predominantly settled south of the River Tees and their great Northern capital was York.

Next week I will  tell you where  the name “Geordie” actually comes from.

And so to my GEORDIE WORDS–


DEEK- Quick peep.


Worky-Ticket.– Argumentive person.



DILK– Bow and arrow.


The Sanskrit word for war is literally translated as  “desire for more cows” Of course it is!

The Chilean word ACHAPLINARSE means to walk like Charlie Chaplin.

When threatened a limpet can “run” away at 2 inches an hour.

George Eyser who won 3 golds, 2 silvers and a bronze medal at the 1904 Olympics had a wooden leg. I don’t know but I suspect it wasn’t for running!

Tomcat urine smells like cheddar cheese. I’ll never feel the same about cheddar cheese again!

The band Oasis are named after a leisure centre in Swindon, Wiltshire, England.


GOLLOP– Drink quickly.

GOODY GOODY– Moral or pious person.

LUSTY–Strong or robust.

MACKINTOSH– Waterproof raincoat.

MAGNIFICO–A person of high rank.

NIPPER– Small boy






For anyone who has not followed my blog recently I would restate the purpose of it. I got a rescue dog when I retired from work. I traveled a great deal spending two or three nights a week in hotels,  driving 40 to 50,000 miles every year. I always loved  dogs but was unable to keep one until I was able to look after it properly. And so I walked a lot as he needed a lot of exercise (as labrador do!) And as I have always lived at the coast I walk on the beach every day. And when I walk I think . And when I retired I also took up creative writing.. And as I walk on the beach I would think of the ideas for plots for my short stories and the concepts and key words for my poetry. Anyone who goes on solitary walks be it in the countryside or as I do on a beach will understand how therapeutic it is for clearing one’s mind. Being in the open air seems to remove a lot of the everyday stresses. And so to conclude that is why my blog is “Beach Thoughts”.

I came across a quotation this week by John Sentamu the Archbishop of York. It states “promise less and deliver more”. It just makes so much sense. The context is to do with the corona virus but it really could apply to most subjects. As it happens I think it was meant to relate to our Prime Minister Boris Johnson, who does absolutely the opposite. He promises the earth but falls short and will then make excuses or as he would prefer “reasons”. But the real truth is most politicians do the same. And in the US Donald Trump does exactly the same.  Is it not so much better to understate any situation  and hopefully improve it to a greater degree. But of course politicians generally are just too arrogant. Realism is the key not extreme optimism or pessimism!

There has been a lot of talk this week of the benefit of wearing a mask in confined spaces. It has been compulsory in many countries and in England next week it will be mandatory in all shops. It is already is on public transport. However some people will not agree to wearing masks because it against their civil liberties. The same people said they would not wear safety belts in cars or wear crash helmets on motor cycles. It has since been proven they have saved many lives. So I would suggest that unless face masks have been declared unsafe we should wear them. Why take unnecessary risks?

In this country we don’t really trust anyone these days. Certainly we have never trusted the Russians. But if we don’t trust them anyway we shouldn’t be disappointed. And now it is the Chinese. We won’t be using Huawei for our 5G systems. but it will take us until 2027.  So we have to wait until then to trust them fully. What a mess.

HUMOUR at last

Viagra is a combination of “Virility” and “Niagra” Well it would be wouldn’t it!

Tutankhamun’s parents were brother and sister!

In 2013 Al Queda apologised for accidently beheading one of their own men. What a shame.

Before their chests were cut open and their hearts were ripped out Aztec human sacrifices were given a cup of hot chocolate. That was a nice touch.

It is illegal in Vancouver to build a new house with doorknobs!!!!!


MOLLYCODDLE–Protected or pampered.

DUNK–Dip biscuits in tea or coffee.

DRAGGLE– Become wet by dragging in water.

DUFFER– Idiot or stupid person.



GEORDIE WORDS Next week I will explain where these words originate.

CORRIE-FISTED– Left handed.

SPIFLICATE– Smack somebody who’s in trouble.


FUGGLECRACK– A smack on the back of the head after a hair cut.

RITE– Lean back on 2 legs of a chair.

SOOGIE– Enjoy a bubble bath.

PLOATING– Raining.

     POEM —-      CHANGE


Apple has sales of £1.4 billion and will pay £6.2 million tax in the UK. The amount of tax they pay is absolutely criminal. OK they employ thousands of people  who pay tax in the UK so there is a benefit to our economy, but because head offices are based elsewhere they dodge the sort of tax they should really pay. They are not alone. Facebook, Amazon , Twitter and others do exactly the same. The amount of tax avoidance in this country has to be addressed although I suspect it is an international problem..

I hear Kanye West is hoping to run for the Presidency in the US. He really couldn’t do much worse than Trump. His wife Kim Kardashian would become the First Lady. How does a person become a billionaire on being a television personality? Her and her husband will certainly have sufficient resources to buy the presidency as did Trump before them. Does respectibility and decency count for nothing in the US. Looking from outside I would have thought a proper politician like Joe Biden would do a better job than the other two. When you consider how Obama was driven out of office by the Republican majority you really wonder!

There has always been an aspiration in the UK for more than 50% of school leavers to go to University. It has been achieved in only one year. Going to University is a huge opportunity not just for further education but the rounding off of a young persons character in the future. However it should not just be a case of taking any degree. They should at least have an amount of pertinence to what they want to do in the future. I know when my daughter went to uni. the popular courses were media studies, photography, philosophy and art. All interesting subjects i’m sure but there wasn’t sufficient jobs available in those sectors. The government has just admitted the 50% aspiration is now not attainable. The focus of technical training is much more pertinent in building skills that are required in the future jobs market. And they could be much more lucrative! And by the way we need to make sure we encourage more women in those technical areas.

Another subject close to my heart is that of the untenable situation of Prince Andrew, friend of the late unlamented pervert Jeffrey Epstein and his pimp Ghislaine Maxwell. Maxwell’s father was a crook, a newspaper magnate who was drowned from his yacht. It turned out he stole huge amounts of money from his company’s pension fund. Daddy set his daughter up for a life of luxury. But now she has been arrested what will happen to all these people in high places, including Prince Andrew. Lets hope they get their come uppance! But then again will they! Money and position talks!!!!!

I will finish off with a similar theme. Jonny Depp and Amber Heard are tearing each other apart , one is probably as bad as the other. Neither appears to be very nice. But one thing is certain lawyers are making fortunes out of them. They have money to burn.


BOLSTER– A long narrow pillow

CABOODLE– A lot, agroup.

CABOOSE– A ship’s galley.

CACK HANDED–Left-handed.

CADGE–To beg or sponge.

CAHOOTS–In parnership, in league with.


GUSSIE–Segments of a orange.


MUCK– Dirty.


GOB– Mouth.

SHUGGY BOAT– A swinging boat in an amusement park.


I have my faults but being wrong isn’t one of them.

It’s been so long since I made love I have forgotten who gets tied up!

If think a woman is the weaker sex try pulling the bedclothes back to your side.

Men are superior to women. For one thing thay can urinate from a speeding car!

A lady is a woman who never shows her underwear unintentionally





I read an article recently and it had never occurred to me that Jesus Christ is always depicted as having blonde hair and fair skin. The truth is (I assume) he was Jewish, dark skinned and had black hair. He would certainly have been of a Middle-Eastern appearance.  Now I will confess I am an Agnostic.( that is I don’t know if a God exists or not) I was brought up by my parents to believe in God and they were brought up as Presbyterian (A mainly protestant faith worshipped in Scotland0. I went to Sunday School until I drifted away from religion as an adult. It was hypocritical but I got married in Church and both my children were baptised. I became an Atheist ( I didn’t believe in God) but in 1999 when my son died at 18 in an accident I hoped that I might find contact with him in Heaven or some sort of afterlife. And after I died there might be some kind of reunion. I would suspect a lot of people would want this to happen. However I have never felt any sort of contact or even a suspicion of contact. I lot of people have put coincidences down to fact. Even I though would love to pretend I have had any contact whatsoever I haven’t. But in the hope I will see him again I have to cling onto the hope there is a afterlife. So I therefore call myself an Agnostic at present.

That is my take on religion. I know there are billions of people in this world who base there daily lives on various religions. They believe in some form of God. I have no problem with that but I don’t understand why people kill each other for the sake of different religions. All Gods (or possibly different forms of the same God) surely should be good. Forgive people their sins , help and be kind to their fellow citizens. To me there should be a common bond in Gods where they are good. In a lot of ways it is the Devil or Satan who should be the force for evil.  But in the world today there are more wars and conflicts because of religion than ever. People kill others because they worship the wrong God. Or are they worshiping the Devil, who knows.

When children go back to school full time in September the majority will have lost a full 6 months education. Some will never catch up again. But the worry for me is the impact of the mental health of both children and their parents. There is likely to be severe unemployment  and for those parents on already reduced circumstances it will be a struggle. I don’t think the government realise how long it will take for things to improve again. For some possibly never.


In Newcastle upon Tyne , gay means “owning a coat”.

An empty aluminium cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an inexpensive vibrator.

I have often wanted to drown my troubles but I can’t get my wife to go swimming!

My dad always used to say “always fight fire with fire” That’s probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.

My son has taken up meditation. At least it’s better than sitting around doing nothing.

One in ten Europeans is now conceived in a IKEA bed.


HIGGLEDY- PIGGLEDY– In disorder, confusion.

HIGH HAT–Snobbish, to snub.

HIPPOCAMPUS–Sea monster , horse head with a dolphin tail.

LINGUA FRANCA– A hybrid language used in Mediterranean ports.

BOBBY DAZZLER– Anything that is outstanding

BLUESTOCKING–A learned bookish woman.


STOTTIE– A type of flat round loaf

PAN HAGGERTY– Type of stew made from potatoes, onions and cheddar cheese, sometimes with cabbage.

SINGING HINNIES– Type of scone, which makes a hissing sound on a griddle.

PEASE PUDDING– Yellow split peas, a savoury vegetable dish.





Well it has been hot, mid twenties for a week or so (This is hot for us on the North east coast) And certainly too hot for my dog Bruce who is 42kg of muscle. But fortunately for him and our other dog Daisy we go on the beach most days and they can cool off to their hearts content. It is cold for us humans but ideal for dogs. Bruce is a labrador and they are fantastic swimmers. In fact if you know anything about the labrador breed they originally were used by fishermen in Newfoundland , Canada. The fishermen would throw the dogs into the water to retrieve any items that were washed overboard. They could stay in the water for hours, even in the winter. They are hugely efficient dogs and they have two layers of fur. The outer one is oily so it is waterproof and the inner is to keep them warm. When the fishing boats come back to harbour the dogs are left to their own devices. They have to scavenge for any food available. That is why labradors are the dust bins of the dog world. They will eat anything as they don’t know when they will get their next meal.  Our dogs get too hot and will sleep in the shade out of the sun.

On the subject of dogs I have just renewed my pet insurance which is now £700. Bruce being a labrador is a pure breed but my daughter’s dog is a labradoodle. This is a cross between a labrador and a poodle. In other words a cross-breed or mongrel. Labradoodles are expensive to buy but because they haven’t got a pedigree they are much healthier and so their insurance is considerable cheaper. My labrador has arthritic problems in his back legs which is common to the breed and his insurance is expensive.

I read today the Rosetta stone (originally from Egypt)  is going into the British museums lesbians, gay, bisexual and transgender themed tour. The man who deciphered the stone happens to be gay.. He was just a man who happens to be gay. No big deal!

HMS Dauntless, a destroyer has been in port since 2016 because of engine problems and lack of sailors. She has spent 6 days at sea in 4 years. The Navy knew in 2016 there were problems because they weren’t designed to operate in hot temperatures such as the Persian Gulf. So we have ships that will only work in cold weather zones. By the way this ship cost £1billion!!!!!!

This government has been in power for 6 months. And I know we have never ever coped with a pandemic like this in my lifetime. But the way it has been handled is a joke. Sorry it isn’t a joke because nearly 50,000 people have died. I’m not going to go over the same scenario but we were prepared for a flu epidemic but it was the coronavirus instead. We were not prepared for anything like the amount of safety equipment required. And the testing systems were too little too late, and still are. As for care homes old people died before the government even knew there was any problems. But was it the governments fault or was the scientists? There will undoubtedly be a huge inquest but by then it will be too late as too, too many people will have died. And with 4 and a half years of the government to go we still haven’t sorted out Brexit and the economy up the creek. Things look bleak!

HUMOUR at last.

Better to have loved a small man than never have loved a tall!

There’s a fine line between true love and a conviction for stalking.

It takes a lot of experience for a girl to kiss like a beginner.

In Hollywood marriage is a success it it out lasts milk!

A true friend is the one that stabs you in the front

I worship the ground he’s buried in!


GUNNY– Course fabric used for sacks.

GUTSY– Greedy.

GYP– Severe pain

HALFSEASOVER– Partly drunk.

HALLOO–Call out to attract attention.

HARRUMPH– To clear one’s throat in a pompous way.

HARUMSCARUM–Acting in a reckless way.


HAAR – A fog on the North sea coast.

YAMMER– Gossip or complain.

TACKLE– To confront, accost.


SCABBY– Shabby

HIPPIN– Nappy.






It was birthday this week and I was 75. I know that is old. And when I was in my 20’s and 30’s  I thought it was very old. As we go through life we feel differently. At school, time seemed to fly over and all we wanted to do was grow up and do exciting things which adults didn’t allow us to do. I actually liked school , and I was reasonably clever so enjoyed learning. I also always loved sport. Football, cricket, swimming, athletics. I would try anything. So I suppose I just enjoyed growing up even though my mother and father did not have a lot of money we had enough. In the days after the 2nd World War the country was recovering. We moved to a new council house ( Now called social housing) on a large estate. when I was 11. We didn’t have a car, television or telephone. Only the richer people could afford these things. We did buy a television when I was 13 and this had one channel,  BBC 1 and it was black and white. We later bought a car and telephone. I forgot to mention in my first house we only had a cold water tap in a back yard with the toilet outside.  NO bathroom, NO hot water NO central heating just one coal fire. In fact we had NO electricity. Only gas lighting and a gas oven to cook with. Can you imagine that’s how we lived when I was young! And we didn’t think we were poor!.

At school we didn’t have calculators , we used slide rules and a system using log. (logarithm) tables for our mathematics. No computors! Every library had encylopedias , volumes of them, to look up facts and figures. Can you imagine no i-phones, no google, in fact I only had a mobile phone 20 years ago . When we got our first television we had one channel, we now have hundreds! Things  today are vastly difference. To go back to when I first flew in a plane I was 19. My local airport, Newcastle consisted of two small corrugated huts. It is now a international airport flying all over the world.

When I talk about the past my friends and I grew up in the same way. I don’t feel we missed out of anything. Things are just different , I don’t feel envious in any way. Things have changed for the better, or material things have. I don’t know if people actually behave better to each other. In fact they don’t. Civil rights, womens rights, wars, oppression prove they don’t. And in the Western world the rich are becoming richer and the poor poorer. But that won’t change any time soon.

Let’s have some HUMOUR

IF theer is anything hypocrites hate, it’s hypocrisy! So, so true.

I’m afraid of sharks, but only if I’m in water.

Fox hunting would be a great sport , if only the fox had a gun.

I’m not a snob. Ask anyone, well anybody who matters.

Rich kids and poor kids alike. They both go around huge estates with guns , out of their mind on drugs. So true.


BAMBOOZLE–Trick or hoodwink.

Fiddlesticks– Nonsense

Fiddle faddle– To fuss or waste time.


Garb– Manner of dress.

Gaudy– Annual dinner or reunion.


Pleat– Pluck


Put–Throb, palpitate.

Prog– Prick

Pittle– Urinate

Loppy–Flea infected.

POEM attached                                          HAIKUS